Please pray- I hate my sister right now

I hate my sister right now.(we are adults)
I can’t help it.I hate her because she doesn’t respect me to make my own choices-good or bad but I respect her to make her choices-good or bad.
She argues and talks with emotional hysteria but I like us to problem solve and talk calm and level headedly.
Could you please pray for us to not fight and for her to accept me as I am and not try to impose opinions on me.I accept her as she is/her opinions for her life.
I feel she has to “know it all”
I say to her “I know about me” and “you know about you” and that someone may listen to the others opinion but doesn’t mean they will agree or go along.
I said even if I also gave my opinion to her about her life,she also as an adult has to choice to agree or discard it.
But she’s not willing to do the same curtousy to me and to me that seems arrogant or control freak etc

I will pray for you :slight_smile: It’s not an easy position to be in.

Here are some words that you might like to ponder. If I had to choose 5 of my all-time favourite spiritual quotes, this one would qualify:

Jesus to St. Gertrude (who asked Him why he had allowed her to be afflicted by certain people): ‘When a father desires to punish his child, the rod can make no resistance to his hand. It is therefore My will that My elect shall never lay the blame on men for their trials, but that they shall rather consider My fatherly affection, which would never suffer the slightest breath of wind contrary to them if I had not in view the eternal salvation which they should receive in reward. Considering this, they should rather have compassion on those who, while contributing to their virtue, incur guilt for their own selves.’

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Praying for love and harmony between you and your sister.

Dear Elena, as a person who comes from a very hurtful family, I would advise to place a mental distance between you and her. Everyone is walking along their own road.
What seems clear to you may very well be foggy to others. You can’t expect others to be on your stage of development. Therefore communication between you and her may be like people speaking different languages. I know it is hard but you have to be strong not to be sucked up into the emotional problems of others.

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Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle, be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray. And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen.

Our Father who art in Heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.

And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.

And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee.

Blessed are you among women, and blessed is the fruit of your womb Jesus.

Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death.

Amen.

Prayer to Our Lady of Mental Peace

O Lady of Mental Peace,
Mother of Tranquility
and Mother of Hope,
look upon Elena321 in this time
of weakness and unrest.

Teach her searching heart
to know that God’s Love
for her is unchanging and
unchangeable, and, that
true human love can only
begin and grow by touching
His Love.

Let your gentle Peace -
which this world cannot give

  • be always with her.
    And, help her to bring this
    same Peace into the lives
    of others.

Our Lady of Mental Peace,

  • Pray for us!
    Amen.

Jesus, Help Me!

In every need let me come to You with humble trust,
saying:
Jesus, help me!
In all my doubts, perplexities, and temptations:
Jesus, help me!
In hours of loneliness, weariness and trials:
Jesus, help me!
In the failure of my plans and hopes, in disappointments,
troubles and sorrows:
Jesus, help me!
When others fail me, and Your Grace alone can assist me:
Jesus, help me!
When I throw myself on Your tender Love as Savior:
Jesus, help me!
When my heart is cast down by failure, at seeing no good
come from my efforts:
Jesus, help me!
When I feel impatient, and my cross irritates me:
Jesus, help me!
When I am ill, and my head and hands cannot work and
I am lonely:
Jesus, help me!

Always, always, in spite of weakness, falls and short-
comings of every kind:
Most Sacred Heart of Jesus, help me and never forsake me!

Amen

Gods chastising me:eek:Why?:frowning:

Thanks!

Thanks!

Thankyou

‘For whom the Lord loveth, he chastiseth.’ (Hebrews 12:6)

The quote was referring to God’s “punishments” in this sense. They are medicinal; they teach us humility, for example, which we must possess if we wish to be saved. Humility attracts an abundance of graces.

Remembering you and your sister in my daily prayers. God bless!

Elena - Try never to hate anyone - hate the sin, love the ‘sinner’. Hate eats at you and goes against Jesus’ teaching to love God and love your neighbour.

Remember the Sermon on the Mount - Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.

Pray for her. I will pray for both of you to resolve the issue.

Lord Jesus, our family needs Your help today. We need Your peace and tranquillity and an end to discord.

Give us strength and compassion to understand each other, wisdom and love to help each other, and the trust and patience we need to live peacefully together. Grant that, through the intercession of Your mother, Mary, and St. Joseph, our family too may become a holy family, a family that works together as one, a family that embraces peace and love, a family whose members are dedicated
to each other and to You. Amen.

Praying for you & your sister.

It sounds like she is overstepping her boundaries in a bunch of ways.

You could try to hash the issue of boundaries out with a counselor.

When I have had family members like that, I have generally felt better distancing from them, family or no. If I absolutely must interact with them, I limit it in many ways…I limit how long I will visit…maximum 3 days, generally…with others, it would be even less.

I limit the exposure each time.

A friend of mine used to hear me complain each time I visited family. He said he has kept copies of certain things that stood out to him…in his life…for good or bad. He said he actually kept copies of my communications and everything I went through during the visits.

He said I might have forgotten what it was like, just how bad it was, and he could forward copies to remind me.

Years would pass, and I’d say it was time to visit, again, and he said I should, at the very least, given those circumstances…rent a hotel room, have a rental car, etc.

At times, I didn’t listen to his advice, and I once even changed my flight to come back to Mexico, early. I used to try to stay 2 weeks!

So…he gave me those recommendations, and they helped.

Now, I set guilt aside, ask myself why I MUST visit these people who refuse to speak to me, refuse to respect me, are condescending, critical, scapegoat, triangulate, and more.

My mental and emotional health go down, and yet some people will say, “But…she’s family!” like that’s some kind of justification or reason I need to put up with a situation that makes me miserable to the core.

I realize some people change, but it’s my experience it’s unlikely. Generally, people like that don’t change.

I’ve tried all kinds of things, gone to counseling, myself…been a nervous wreck because I used to believe I was obligated, because we were “blood” to interact periodically.

Now, I think that one has a right to his sanity and mental health, family or no. If your family drives you to a point you are also sinning by hating, please consider taking a look at that.

Can you avoid her? If you can, I’d say to go for it.

I’ve had some priests that say it’s terrible for people to cut off for years from family members, but I bet these priests never had a family member, say, with a serious mental illness to contend with.

Find a diplomatic excuse not to visit with this person…distance yourself out till you have almost no involvement. Limit your involvement to the internet, and keep it short and sweet, but I think you’d feel better to not interact. Well, she’s pushing all your buttons, be it intentionally or no…disrepecting you.

Once, I spoke to someone and said I had to visit my family. I’d basically need therapy after my visits. Instead of coming back feeling better, I felt worse about myself, about life, about my family. So, it reached a point I leveled with myself, ask why I put myself through that, just because of what someone else might think?

You don’t have to associate with people who are trampling you. Just because you are Christian/Catholic, doesn’t mean people have a right to use you as their doormat. If they are, stand up for yourself! Don’t allow it! If that means NOT going to visit, so be it. If people say that you’re a terrible person, then you know the truth. Only you know what it’s like to live your life, and until others have walked a mile in your moccasins, they have NO right to judge!

She sounds like she might be using a lot of verbal abuse…“invalidation”…making your choices seem invalid, etc… HIGHLY abusive…and more.

When we are physically punched, we often recognize abuse, but with verbal abuse, we can just feel terrible, not even know why. Much of it is implied.

There is a book on verbal self defense…“The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense”. amazon.com/The-Gentle-Verbal-Self-Defense-Work/dp/0735200890

Distance yourself, politely… Speak to a counselor, if necessary, on how to do this and on assertiveness insofar as boundaries…but to me, the first level of defense is…avoidance.

Bravo, great post!!! I also read the book “Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense” Even though I reluctantly sold it to a 2nd hand bookstore, I still remember some of the pages. Hopefully some other person benefited from finding it as I did.
Actually, your words about not having to accept verbal abuse rings loud and clear. I needed to be reminded of this. Thanks…

Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.

Amen.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the Fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.

Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.

Amen. †

Saint Michael, the archangel, defend us in battle,
be our defense against the wickedness and snares
of the devil, may God rebuke him, we humbly pray.
And do you, O’ Prince of the Heavenly host, by the
power of God thrust into Hell Satan and all the other
evil spirits who prowl about the world for the ruin of souls.

Amen. † :signofcross: :blessyou:

:smiley:
:tiphat: Thanks!

:rotfl:

Well, for a time, I actually even went to a counselor to try to help me communicate with a family member. She said I was doing it all wrong, to use open-ended questions rather than closed-ended questions, etc.

I went with my family, all excited, armed with this new information. I tried out some of the open-ended question, and the family member eventually turned to me and said…"…(my name)…if you don’t have anything to say, then don’t say anything".

I changed my trip. I was there with my family for Christmas, was trying to stay till New Years, went back way before, was totally alone for New Years, cried 3 days…then said to myself I would cry no more over these issues, and I stopped trying to change that person from then on, mostly ignored…avoided.

Yeah, that book, “The Gentle Art of Verbal Defense” was awesome. Usually, I wasn’t good enough at verbal self defense to make it work. I generally found if someone was verbally abusive, he/she never changed. I would come back, year after year, feeling obligated to try, yet, again…but the relationship would fail, time and again, same reasons…because the verbal abuse, etc., crossing of boundaries, had never stopped…seemingly, never would.

The point about the book is that it encourages civil discourse which is a nice way of not getting emotionally sucked into other people’s problems. Taking the higher moral ground is always better even though it requires a lot of self-control.
Today I successfully resisted a bait to enter an argument which this person would have loved to show off in public. I don’t need to prove a point by being right which anyway will be drowned out by all the noise. people see that and not the principle behind it.
I don’t know if you are familiar with narcissistic personality disorder. This usually comes in families where there is a narcissist and enablers who are manipulated by him or her to the extent that the family becomes completely dysfunctional. I benefited from online support groups about this, was amazed at the similarities of the rejected black sheep simply because something in us just refuses to accept that black is white and vice versa.
I did run into some difficulty as most of these groups were non religious and there I think they were making a mistake because spirituality really helps to resist their pull into the mud. This April will be the 10 year anniversary of my father’s passing and what I consider as a lynch, the culmination of years of dysfunction. Of course the target was me, even if I didn’t open my mouth about the craziness, my living presence somehow is a reminder of something very wrong which fairly drove most of them off the deep end.
This time 10 years ago I was scanning the internet for obituaries since they told me that the phone in my father’s room in the rehab center was not working. (I live abroad, maybe like you.) They did not inform me when he died and the same thing was repeated a year and half later when my sister, who was very close to my father, succumbed.
I feel sorry for them, pray that they will not enter perdition, in particular the narcissist who is at the head of all the turmoil, but I will not be their victim.
Narcissism is the ultimate sin of pride, enthroning the ego above all else. Scott Peck who wrote about this disorder extensively said it is an unsubmitted will. Instead of God there is the almighty self. Naturally, they enroll others in adoring and catering to themselves. They cannot bear to be crossed. They strike terror in the hearts of their own children. Sometimes school teachers can act like this, or politicians. You mentioned boundaries. A good saying that aptly describes them is “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine”!
Best regards…

Praying.

I’ve heard of Narcisistic Personality Disorder, and a psychologist diagnosed me as being codependent, so it’s hard for me to see everything as objectively in my own family, but that’s possible…scapegoating…invalidation…triangulation…different things.

You know, that happened in my family when my grandmother died. We didn´t tell anyone till after the funeral, and I know one of my brothers was REALLY disappointed, said he would have liked to have had the opportunity to have gone to the funeral.

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