Please pray that I would find a Carmelite or Poor Clare convent that would accept me


#1

Hi everyone. Could you all please pray that I would find a Carmelite or Poor Clare convent that would accept me with my depression and anxiety? I also have the diagnosis of borderline personality disorder but I doubt that the diagnosis is correct. Please pray for me.


#2

Holly, I've seen your moods come and go on these blogs, including several times threatening to leave the Church and even considering becoming a Baptist.

I honestly do not beleive you are suited for the intense enclosed spiritual life of a Poor Clare or Carmelite.


#3

[quote="bpbasilphx, post:2, topic:180356"]
Holly, I've seen your moods come and go on these blogs, including several times threatening to leave the Church and even considering becoming a Baptist.

I honestly do not beleive you are suited for the intense enclosed spiritual life of a Poor Clare or Carmelite.

[/quote]

That is why I am also having people pray for my healing. Please pray for me to find a Poor Clare or Carmelite convent. I truly believe that it is my vocation to be a contemplative nun. I respect your decision to not pray for me but I ask you to please reconsider.


#4

I am praying that God leads you to wherever it is His will for you to be. :)


#5

[quote="Student09, post:4, topic:180356"]
I am praying that God leads you to wherever it is His will for you to be. :)

[/quote]

Thank you Student09. :)


#6

I understand how difficult it can be to want to do something so powerful and not be able to. I hope that you will trust in the Lord that if He wants you to be a nun, He will give you the graces to do it. Keep praying for healing, but also don't try to be your own doctor. It can be dangerous. If you need to, seek a second or third opinion, but understand that God's time is not our own. I will be praying for you regardless. ;)


#7

Jesus please help Holly to manage her difficulties with balance and peace. Have mercy on her suffering, and bring her ever closer to You through prayer and acts of practical kindness to others in whatever small ways she can, including smiles and kind words.
Thank You, Jesus


#8

Praying that you get healed so a good monastery will accept you and you can become a nun.

Our Father...
Hail Mary...
Glory be...

Amen.


#9

Thanks everyone.


#10

A Novena Prayer to the Sacred Heart of Jesus
Sacred Heart of Jesus, we know that there is but one thing impossible to You: to be without pity for those who are in suffering or distress. Look down on us, we beg of You and grant us the grace which we humbly and earnestly implore, through the Immaculate Heart of Your most sorrowful Mother to whom You confided us as her children, and whose prayers are all powerful with You. Amen.


#11

Praying my heart out for you Holly.


#12

Holly, it may be useful to take time out to pray about this, get grounded, discern your calling, and seek God's will for your life.

we can have excellent-sounding ideas and good intentions, but if these plans are of ourselves and not of Him, it's our will we're trying to do, not His we're surrendering to.

it takes a lot of emotional and spiritual strength, stability, and heartiness to live a monastic life, and it takes a calling. will pray for your health, peace, and for an understanding of God's plan for your life, Holly.


#13

Thanks everyone! And I will continue to discern my vocation. :slight_smile:


#14

Holly, from some of your posts that I read, you seem like a very nice girl, but a very confused person. It seems as though your relationship with the Catholic Church is unstable. I happened upon your journal that you linked to through your profile accidentally and found that you no longer believe in religion or God as of today. Is this perhaps related to your mental illnesses? :shrug:

You will always have my prayers, but you will find that you must be a stable Catholic to belong to a religious order. I've endured many hardships with my past history of depression and most religious orders (and lay orders) I have come in contact with say that you must be completely free from any mental illness before you can seriously discern with them. I thought this to be very unfair when I first heard it because God gave me the mental illness so who were they to decide that I wasn't called just because of it? But the more time progressed, I realized that with all the hardships I faced in my illness, I would not have been fully equipped to deal with consecrated life. I could not give all my attention to God and His Church the way a bride of Jesus Christ should. Many said to give it a year off my medication and then, if I was well enough, I could discern, but these were mostly active/missionary orders. As you may or may not know, cloistered life is MUCH more difficult because you are not around outside people at all and you have to endure the silence. All your weaknesses are brought to the surface. All the vocation directors I have talked to (not some, but all) said that your mental health must be well enough because adding the strict life on top of an illness can be very dangerous (especially if your condition is unstable).

I have listened to the vocation directors' advice and have gotten off my medication with the advice of my doctor and I have been medication free for 1 year as of this month. ;) Whether I will relapse or not remains to be seen, but I put my trust in God that He knows what I do and do not need or can withstand. I am currently discerning with an order who's vocation director has expressed some concern over the fact that I have dealt with depression, but she is willing to work with me since I have been off my medication for a year. I am going to meet them at the convent they work in next month for the first time.

I say all this not to upset you or anything, but because I am genuinely concerned that your health status is unfit for the rigors of religious/consecrated life. I am not suggesting that you do not have a religious calling, but I do want to warn you that it is rather difficult for people like us who have not always had a clean bill of health. I trust in God's mercy and love and know He will never give me more than I can handle (nor you for that matter). :thumbsup:

Do you perhaps have a spiritual director or someone you can talk to about your situation? I would recommend that you find one if you don't already have one. Working by yourself is difficult, but a spiritual director can really be valuable to help you, especially in crisis situations like a loss of the faith (such as what your journal suggests you are going through currently), but you really have to make the effort. :)

Again, I say this not to upset you and if I have misconstrued the situation, mea culpa. :blush: Please forgive me if that is the case. I will be praying for you and I hope you have a very Merry Christmas. God bless.


#15

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