A post to my last prayer thread, "grieving over divorce:" "I found out through the support group I am going to last night that my mother has suffered undiagnosed epilepsy--absence seizures, and maybe some other symptoms--all her life, and I so totally forgive her. It is difficult to know what to do for her at 73, and still difficult to cope with the mechanisms she learned to use to help herself (lying, "using" my psych diagnosis of record--I probably have a form of epilepsy too--to seek assistance for herself, et cetera.) She abused thyroid medication in place of anti-depressants--she now has a piece of the calcified gland they removed threatening to press against her lungs and they would have to break her chest open to remove it.
This all makes me sad, but somehow there's a funniness to suddenly completely understanding overnight what has baffled me and the most important and reknowned doctors for thirty years, and my "super-intelligent" Dad--all my life really.
At the same time I suddenly realized the day before that my dad is 80. And I got so sad. One thing about my mother is that she has kept things down to the minute all these years, it's all one long day. It has to stop.
I feel resentful--you must understand--on her behalf toward all the Americans who wouldn't give a young English mother with two little ones,and a terrible problem, the time of day.
But that was 50 years ago. What happens now?
I am working on "cooperating with Mother Mary's maternal graces" which were prayed for for me and am finding great peace.
Thank you for your prayers"
Later in the day: e-mail to my parents:
"If you persist in "yanking my chain" either verbally to me or to others, or by doing things like calling up my personal account companies; if you ever again involve yourself in any way thru engaging me or anybody else verbally regarding my "psych" issues, especially with the end of psychiatric hospitalization, I will pursue you both in court for Munchaussen by Proxy."
How I came to this place is hard to say, partly frustration, but also tears and fear, like I said, it has to stop.