My 42 year old husband of 15 years had a four month long affair with a single woman of 28.
I had my suspicions the second month in, but because he has traveled several nights a week our entire marriage I have always feared the temptation would get to him the minute I let my guard down. Silly, I know. The third month, I was starting to do some detective work. I also sat him down for a “how are we doing talk?” At that time he began to break it off. His selfishness and fear of her telling me kept him from breaking it off clean.
Although she was dating another man for three years at the time she first had sex with my husband, she broke it off with him in the second month and began professing her love to my husband. Her strong feeling for my husband led her to expect a legitmate relationship and to do some things to try to make their relationship known to me and my children.
Not as justification, but as points - at no time did my husband lead her to believe he would be leaving me, “dating” her or taking her in public in anyway. When she broke up with her boyfriend - he expressed his empathy for her. When she mentioned she was going to join a dating service, he encouraged it. She became so enraged when he told her he could no longer see her, she became violent. But as I said, his fear and selfishness led him to the decision to try to allow the break up to be her idea.
In the fourth month, I found her and called her. I know. What was I thinking? She denied everything and basically told me I was pathetic. She then forwarded some of their emails to me. Needless to say, during a time when all I needed was to try to heal and pray and work things through with my husband, who needed to do his own healing and praying, this woman went out of her way to make my life as painful as she could.
One month after my husband ended the affair, she became engage to the man she cheated on to be with my husband.
He has since moved in with her, and they are planning their wedding and looking for a Catholic Church to get married in.
I know the Catholic position on fornication and adultery, but let’s face it, a woman like this is not likely to admit to a priest or a perspective parish that this is what the last year of her life has been like.
I know I should forgive her and move on. But it simply isn’t that simple.