Please help me?
I married my wife 10 years ago, she was a non-practicing protestant and I was a non-practicing catholic, but I still held strong views in my faith. Within 3 years we had 2 children, at which point my wife began having an affair, I knew about it but she didnt know I knew and I began having an affair on her for about 1 month before my concience got the better of me. I thought she had quit also, still never telling her I knew or that I had done the same to try and get even.
She got me involved in swinging for about 1 year, but I could never do anything because it bothered me so bad. I told her how much it bothered me so we quit. Shortly after that I found out that she had been cheating on me for a long time and with many different people. I called her on it. There were also many other things going on we had 1 more child during this time. She would leave them alone while I was at work and she would chat on computers with people all day till I got home. She never cleaned or cooked and she always found a way to blame me for things, everything.
Anyway long story short she said she would change, I didnt want a divorce. She took RCIA classes and we both began attending mass for a while. We had another child and things seemed to be doing better. It wasnt long though before she stopped doing any house work and again I did it all except for rare occations when she would do certain things.
2 years ago we had our 5th child and I had a massive reversion to my faith. My only desire now is to serve God in the best way I can. At first she was ok with it, but then after about 4 months she began to ridicule me about my desire to learn and study the faith I had neglected for so long. I tried to get her to go to confession because she had not been since RCIA so I took her. When we got there she told me she had never confessed anything to the priest about what she and I had done and this would be the first time. I told her not to worry since I had done that and that the priest was very kind and gentle with me and welcomed me back with an offer of any help he could offer. She came out mad and dissappointed, she said this priest was mean to her. I find that hard to believe but I said ok, I didnt want to argue.
Now in the last year our 6th child has been in the hospital a lot and so has she. I have spent a lot of time off work and running back and forth between hosp. and home. Things are getting better as far as health goes though. Last night I overheard her telling her dad she couldnt wait to get out of this family, she meant mine. My parents and sibs are very devout and love to joke and have fun, for some reason she has always hated them, even though it was they who had helped us. I asked her why she said that and I told her not to lie to me. She said she has been thinking for a while about divorcing me, because she said I dont show her enough attention.
Now, I do all the laundry and cleaning of the house. I stay up late and get up with the kids at night so she doesnt have to. She may cook 2 times an week at most, the others I do. She told me we dont talk enough but every time I try to give her my opinion she jumps on me, so now I say whatever you want to do, as politely as I can, and I mean it. I told her that I didnt want a divorce. She said we can give it a try and I responded with I dont want tries I want our love to be the bond and that we should tell each other what we feel. When I asked her when she had planned on divorcing me she said when the kids were older.
What do I do. I really have had it and if it wasnt for the children Id be gone and become a monk or something, seriously. I feel so alone and the only thing that helps is knowing that God loves me more than any love I could receive on this earth. If we get a divorce the children wont have me around to pray with them every night or do catachism classes. They are all very religious now, and it tears me up to think of them loosing that growing up in a house where their mother doesnt even believe anymore. I am willing to suffer this all for Jesus, and for the sake of my children. She gets so mad at them and yells at them for no reason, yea its tough some times, but she says some pretty mean things to them. She would never let me have them, she has told me that before and they do love her though. I pray for her all the time and I know it has to work, it did for St. Monica.
I guess I need some encouragement. oh, and I will not go to counceling, we tried that once and she lied so bad that I was told I am the problem and she just sort of laughed under her breath. It did more harm to me than help.
We are also having financial problems with all the medical bills to boot. I do all the bills too.
Any advice or encouragment would be nice.