Please Tell Me If I Did The Right Thing:-(

whenever i ask this question anyplace else i’m told that i’m a fool,and that i wasted my life, i hope someone with a good heart will tell me i did the right thing.

i was a bad kid. i admit that, i gave my parents all sorts of trouble from the age of 5 to 17. in 1986 my father came home with insulin shots and blood glucose meter. around that time my mother had two detached retinas,the best they could do to restore her sight is with her glasses on she was considered legally blind. i was only 19 at the time,and my parents couldn’t take care of themselves. because i felt guilty about all the trouble i gave them as a kid i though i would try and make amends in the eyes of god by putting my life on hold and caring for their every need. i never smoked or drank or did drugs or ran around with women. i cooked their meals,washed an ironed their clothes, administered medication, and spoke with doctors,and medicare, scrubbed the bathroom untill it was spotless,even mopped the floors. and ran around the neighborhood when mom or dad wanted something,anything,even in the freezing cold.

now when i tell this story im called a dummy. and i should have left to start my life when i was 19. please tell me i did the right thing:-(:::::::::::::::::::::

You are an amazing human being - and it sounds to me like you were trying to do penance for any trouble that you caused them with running around you did as a kid. How old are you now - and have they passed on or are they still around?

Why would you doubt this? Of course you did the right thing! I’m a rather simple man and have but 3 rules that I live by. They’re included as part of my signature below:

  1. Nothing against God
  2. Nothing against family
  3. Nothing against the law

You have have honored your mother and father. In so doing, you have obeyed God’s Commandment. If “friends” condemn you for that… they are the fools. God bless you and your parents for raising a fine human being… but that all of mankind could place the needs and wants of others before their own.

Let others say what they like.
You have lived a Christlike life in devoting yourself to your parents’ needs.

God gave the command ’ Love your father and your mother". You did.

Jesus explained in Matthew 25 verses 31 to 46, that those who go to heaven are the people who give practical acts of kindness and help to others.

There may be people who don’t know the ways of Jesus, of God, who will say you wasted your life, but Jesus will welcome you with great joy for the unselfish love you gave to your parents.

While you are on this earth, some people may say you wasted your life,
but for all eternity God, and we your sisters and brothers in Christ,
will be so joyful around you, because you have lived in charity to your parents, at whatever cost to yourself.

But where you can and when you can, do look after yourself, please.

Congratulations and thankyou for your dedication to your parents, what a wonderful son you are!
I would be so proud if you were my son!You are amazing…do not listen to others who do not understand…you can be very proud of yourself…well done!

As a full time carer myself (for my mother who lives with me and for my 2 disabled sisters who live together in a house some 36miles away) I understand about getting balance in my life.Yes it is tremendous that you dedicated so much of your life to caring for your parents but it is also important that you get some time for yourself.You will become very ill if you do not have some time for yourself.I love every minute of caring for my family and it is an honour for me to do so,I feel God has called me to do this.Several times though I have become ill and was told I was ‘run down’.It is hard for me to do so but I have to get a regular sleep pattern (if possible)eat healthy foods (and unhealthy!lol) and I enjoy reading books it helps me relax.Is there opportunity for you to get respite from your caring role?are you able to go out occasionally and socialise with friends? If not I wonder if social services may be able to help you get assistance to give you time to do things for yourself?

Having friends for you is important.I have mad some really truly wonderful friends right here at CAF and to be honest they have been my lifeline at times.Sometimes my wonderful life can get stressful! and it is good for me to be able to vent with my friends!lol
My wonderful husband is my rock without him I would not be able to do what I do!

May God bless you and grant you continued strength to cope with all the caring role you do and bless you always.

As we sometimes say…Ya Done Good.
Those who call you dummy or whatever have no concept of the joy one can get from being a caregiver. Especially if those in their care are really appreciative…

Peace
James

You serve your parents and the Lord. You are blessed.

***Of course ***you did the right thing…I have nothing but admiration for you…your parents are very fortunate to have such a devoted son as you.

I do hope you have the ability to get some time for yourself now and again, however? It’s really important to take care of yourself, too.

I’m sorry but, what on earth?!! OF COURSE you did the right thing? Let those idiots call you what they like.

You cared for your parents, you had the will to do them good and to show that you love them (and the utterly lame excuse of ‘once a bad kid always a bad kid’ is utterly futile. Jesus and Mary call sinners to come to them who actually WANT to amend!).

What is starting your life? Sure, some people get married in their twenties, sure some people get a home of their own, etc,… but then, that is not starting your life. You are just getting on with your life by doing these things. You got on with your life in a much better way than the others. Whether they got married, whether they had kids, bought a new home, won the lottery, discovered the cure to common cold, or did any other big thing, I assure you that what you did is billions of times better. Gid and Mary are happier and more pleased by taking car eof your parents than what others did.

The Blessed Anna Maria Taigi was a good daughter, even though her parents were a bit aggresive, especially her dad. Her mother, although a good person, became very impatient during the last years of her life and would even argue with her daughters husband just to anger him. Her father, on the other hand, and who suffered with a horrible leprosy, would sit waiting on his daughter’s door-step, he would expect her to give him money, she’d take car eof him and give him food… and he never thanked her for any of this. Also, when the Beata was just a child, her father would also take out his anger by beating her.

Yet, she let her parents live in her already crowded home, she’d give them food, clean them up, make sure they recieved the sacraments, made sure that they did not die without a Priest, prayed to the Blessed Virgin for them so that they may go to heaven while having seven children and a rather rough (but honest, loving and dear) husband to take care of… that is not to mention her children’s children and wives, and the huge penances she would perform!

But of all things, stay humble. Do not say that you are superior to everyone else becuase you did such a thing (even though you should never say that what you did was bad thing becaase then you’d be lying.), nor should you go and tell others the great deed which you did (although you can tell your story in such a way so that it may seem to be about somebody else. For example, don’t say “I once helped an old lady cross the street”. Instead, say “I knew a friend who… I heard a story about a man who… what if you were to… I suggest you do this or that…” this rule is not forever binding of course. I mean, I’m saying you should not tell people that you did such a deed so that they may think you are some saint. Because if you tell them so as to have something to speaka bout and to give them advice and to inspire them, you do nothing wrong!)

I’d say you did a very good thing. I don’t know why anyone would put you down for it. Maybe deep down they feel guilty and are trying to rationalize their own behavior?

We live in selfish times. Everyone is told they owe no one anything at all, including their parents and God.

You have done a good thing. You may have felt you were a “bad kid,” but your parents obviously didn’t fail to instill their values into you, or you’d have left them in their situation without another thought.

However, no matter how difficult their situation, your parents should have also encouraged you to create some sort of life for yourself as you helped them. It is our job as parents to grow our kids up and away from us, even if we’d like to have them stay with us the rest of our lives. :slight_smile: Yes, even the “bad kids.” That is not our job, to hold onto our sons and daughters - our job is to raise our kids to be independent enough to take on the job God would have them to do. If anyone has failed, your parents have, understandably so, but still. They may recognize this, or they may not. I’m sure they love you and want the best for you.

It is never too late to start a life for yourself. I went to college for the first time at age 25, and finally completed my BA 4 mos. before my 2nd son was born. It took me 10 years and I worked the whole time and had a son too, but I did it. You can still help your parents and have a life for yourself.

But anyone who calls you stupid for doing what you did, should not merit one moment of your consideration.

What sort of people do you know who would say such a horrible thing? You need some new friends.

i was taking daily injections of sin. i had a detatched soul and i was blind. but Jesus forgave my sins, fixed my heart, gave me grace, filed every need i had whether i knew it was a need or not. he made a lot of enemies and lost a lot of friends because he was so single-minded. he gave so much of his life for me so much that he died a martyrs death for me.

lots of people it was a waste. people said he was a fool.

everyone who acts like Him is perceived to be a fool, too.

I guess society nowadays is so caught up with being selfish and so focused on fulfilling our own personal needs that we often forget about the concept of sacrificing what we want to do with our lives so as to help others in more need of help then ourselves. And as such, Sacrifice is a concept that’s frowned upon nowadays.

But, you’re definetly doing the right thing and God will bless you abundantly because of this. You’re sacrificing the things you want to do with you’re life so that you’re parents can live better and more comfortably.

Now another question you should be asking yourself (rather then are you doing the right thing imo) is how long are you planning on helping you’re folks? Because if you have dreams/goals that you want to achieve that involve going to school, or going to work, or maybe even someday getting married and having you’re own family, and if these are things you REALLY want to achieve with you’re life…then you may need to consider the possibility of either getting someone to take care of you’re parents for you or putting them in a nursing home. This is assuming that they’re elderly and retired. I don’t know how old you’re parents are. But in any case, if there conditions are severe enough to the point that they can’t function on they’re own and you feel as though you don’t want to be taking care of them until they pass away, then like I said, you may want to consider getting someone else to watch over them for you. But on the other hand, choosing to take care of them until they pass away is also a great thing as well and I know God will bless you abundantly because of this.

Either way, it’s entirely up to you. This is you’re life and so the choices you make with this situation will impact you’re future greatly. Taking care of you’re folks in they’re time of need is never a bad thing. But you may want to consider the fact that when they pass away, you’ll be much older and you’ll have to take care of yourself. You won’t have them to rely on for financial support. And we all know that the older you get…the harder it is to get a job. But vica versa, if you choose to follow your dreams and goals and try to get someone else to watch over them, then you may feel guilty about leaving them hanging when they needed you the most. These are just things you may want to consider before making a final decision in regards to how long you want to keep up with this. Talk to them as well and see how they feel about this. And above all…pray that the Lord will guide you to make the best decision for everyone.

I had a situation similiar to this where my father retired from the Air Force and he was unemployed for a few months. So he was depending on my check to help him, myself, and my siblings live. Now at the time my wife (who was then my girlfriend) and I were getting very serious in our relationship and were looking into getting engaged and married one day. Not to mention, she lived in a pretty bad neighborhood with her mother and brother both of whom were always giving her a hard time and always getting on her nerves about petty things. In any case, we knew we needed money for the goals her and I had in mind. Not just for the wedding, but also to move out into you’re own place and all that jazz. So I was trying to save up my money for the both of us. But, I knew my Father needed my help. And so I went ahead and gave him my entire check until he got a job about 3 months after he retired. At that time, I felt that I could go back to focusing on saving up my funds so that me and my girl could get engaged, pay off our wedding, move into our own place, and start our own family. Which has always been my dream ever since I was a kid. But…my Dad was still telling me that he needed my help financially.

Looking at the issue in the long run, I knew that my dad had a lot of financial problems. He had a ton of loans and bills that he had to pay off, we were living in a big house of which the mortgage was pretty high, and a bunch of other things. And so looking at all that…from my perspective…I knew that if I were to stick around and help my Dad financially…that I would probably have been stuck in that house helping him for years. Because that’s how long it would’ve taken for him to pay off all those debts. And…I didn’t want to wait x amount of years to start my own independent life. My girl and I wanted to get married, we wanted have kids, we wanted to live together, and if I were to give all that money I wanted to save for us on my Dad…God knows how long I would’ve been stuck there. Plus I felt as though with both the money he was making at his new job in addition to the retirement check he was getting from the military, I felt that should’ve sufficed to cover the bills he had. So I told my Dad about that and of course we had our altercations on the issue. But things ended up working out. My Dad ended up selling the house, all my siblings moved out and began they’re independent lives, my Dad moved down to Florida (where things are a lot cheaper) and is actually about to get married next month. MY wife and I got married, we moved into our own place, and now my wife is about to give birth to our second child.

So ultimatly, the choice is yours. Just do what you feel in you’re heart of hearts is right and everything will be ok.

Is there more to the story? A lot of years have passed since 1986.

Hi Shattered-

You did the right thing. In the few lines you wrote, I read about a lot of love. While early on your parents my have had trouble reigning you in, they still loved you. You grew out of it and you are returning the love. My guess is your parents were really good kids and did not have enough ‘life’ experience to handle a kid like you. Now, having been a hard to control kid, you will make a great parent because you will better understand how to handle kids like you. Your kids will probably be the best behaved kids.

You have confessed this to us. Have you confessed it in a confessional? This will really help you. You are well on the way to the requirements of confession. You are sorry, you don’t want to do it ever again and you have been making amends with your parents. Do the big thing and get absolution from a priest. You will feel so much better and totally know that you did the right thing.

Whoever is telling you you are a dummy has a bad concept of love.

i am 43 years old. and sadly they have passed on. my father died of kidney failure in 2003 my mother just passed away in 2009. im alone for the first time in my life, and im afraid:-(

i thank all of you for assuring me i did the right thing in putting my life on hold to care or my elderly parents. sadly they are both gone. my father in 2003 and my mother in 2009. truthfully im still in quite a bit of pain over my mother,her passing was very sudden, i think im still in shock 1 year 8 months after.:crying:

i know this sounds kind of strange, but i go to the cemetery and sit at my parents grave sometimes for hours and talk to them like they were here. people look at me funny, and the workers sometimes get mad at me because they cant see me sitting there,and i think someday they may run over me in their lawnmowers.

I’m sorry to hear that your parents have passed on. My God grant them rest.

At 43 you still have a lot of life ahead of you and you also have a rich fulfilling life behind you.
It is hard to lose ones parents, especially since, in your case, there doesn’t seem to be a “significant other” (wife or girlfriend) in your life. May God grant you peace and also may he guide into the next phase of your life.

Peace
James

I am very sorry for your loss of both parents…I know it is very hard especially for you as you dedicated yourself so much to them.You can be proud of yourself for the sacrifice you made for them. You are still going through the greiving process my friend.My father died in 1996 and there is not a day goes by that i don’t miss him and wish he were here.You will always remember them and carry them in your heart throughout your life.Now is the time for you to start the next chapter of your life.You are still young and you may meet someone to share your life with be it a wife or firneds.Join a club of something you have an interest in…I personally love reading books so if i were in your position i would join a book club! If you enjoy more active pursuits then look for soemthing in that line. It would be nice for you to hgave lots going on in your life to keep you busy and before you know it you will have come to terms more over the sad loss of your parents.
May i suggest you have a chat with your doctor about how youa re feeling? It is common for us to need a little help be it counselling or sometimes a little medication when we are in the grieving process. My first two babies died my beloved grandmother then my dad.I raised two foster daughters whose mother died when they were 15 and 9.They suffered terribly (still do to a degree) but we arranged for counselling for them at our house from an organisation that specialises in helping children grieve.For me personally I kept a diary about my feelings it was a very helpful process.On the anniversaries I often look through my diaries and have a good sentimental time!

I hope you don’t think I am out of line mentioning this its just reading between the lines of what you have said you are very sad and grieving.God bless you my friend you have been a wonderful son and dedicated yourself to your parents…now the next chapter of your life is awaiting.

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