Please tell me if I over-reacted


Today has been a difficult day. :frowning: We attended daily Mass, and a friend of ours… who attends one the same days… had (what appeared to be) a sudden heart attack, in the chapel. Just a few feet from the altar. We don’t yet know his condition, as I had to make the decision to take my mother (who is extremely handicapped) out of the chapel, just before the emergency team arrived. Please pray for our friend.

Anyway… I was badly shaken, and something else happened… when we got home. I was outside, putting something away in my car and suddenly a young man pulled up to me… in his car and asked the following:


Immediately, I became defensive. Here was a perfect stranger… asking me a very personal question, concerning my “holdings” (for lack of a better way to phrase it).

I stood there… looking at him, in disbelief. And said… “What did you ask me?”. He repeated it. “DO YOU OWN YOUR HOME?”

I said to him… “Nothing personal, but I DO NOT know you. And I’m NOT going to give you that information”.

At that point, he muttered something about being my “new neighbor” and he was trying to get in touch with the Home Owners Association. Well, if that was the case… why didn’t he just ask me for the HOA phone number?

WHY would he ask me (a perfect stranger AND a woman) such a personal question?

So… what do you think? Did I over-react? I realize, that my upset from what had happened to our friend, today… might have played into my response to this young man. I’m confused about the whole thing.

Thanks in advance, for your opinions. God bless.



You didn’t overreact in the least. This stranger was completely out of line, I wouldn’t worry about it in the least.

He was totally wrong. Christian charity does not mean being idiotic, and giving any kind of information to a stranger in this circumstance would be just that.l


First, I’m sorry about your friend who apparently had the heart attack. I will remember him in my prayers.

And, second…no, you didn’t overreact at all! At the very least, it was peculiar phrasing on the part of the young man. Maybe he is awkward and didn’t think it through (perhaps there is a high percentage of renters in the neighborhood???) Or, he could have been trying to sell something…who knows these days?

But, no matter, I think that you answered in a perfectly rational manner. It’s none of his business, and he could have just asked if you had the HOA number.


no you did not overreact, get the heck out of here before I call the cops also would not have been overreacting. please let us know if you hear anything about your friend we are praying for.


Thank you, everyone for your answers. Being an extremely scrupulous soul… the aftermath of my response to the stranger only added to the upset of witnessing our friend, having the heart attack. I feel horrible, for letting it upset me so much… when this good man (our friend) has had such a terrible thing happen to him, today.

I am grateful to Our good Lord, for your goodness and your rational thinking at this time… when I’m unable to do so, myself.

As soon as I find out how our friend is… I will post his condition. Thank you for your prayers, for him. God bless.



He very easily could have introduced himself. “Hi, I am your new neighbor, state name, and I need to get in contact with the HOA. Can you help?” Even then it wouldn’t be odd if someone walked away from him in disbelief.

He probably didn’t realize he was causing alarm, but better to let him know by ignoring his request so he can fine tune his approach for the future.


That was a wierd round about way to ask.
Sorry about your friend. I would try to be on best possible terms with your new neighbor whatever that may mean…


You weren’t out of line. Have mercy on us men; sometimes we forget the lunacy going on in this world and forget that it’s not necessarily the innocent question we might as, but how we ask it that can make us appear as the dragon.

My vote for a better answer would be: “Well… sort of. We live right above our gun shop if that’s what you mean.” ;):smiley: Just kidding, of course, not trying to give license to lying.


Thank you, again… for the comforting responses.

“DOShea” lol. Thank you, especially… for your humorous slant on the situation. I guess maybe this thread COULD be a learning “tool” for all us gals and guys… concerning one of our many differences.:rolleyes:

This particular situation should point up to the guys… that a lone woman should never be approached in the way my “neighbor” approached me. There was a saying going around, when I was growing up in Los Angeles… “That’s a good way to get a shot of mace in the face!”. (It was legal in California. :eek: Horrible, I know).

Thanks again all. Still no word on our friend, except that he was taken to the hospital… which thankfully, was just across the street.


I would have been unsure too, don’t worry about it! Prayers for your friend!


I would have said the same thing to such a creepy guy. Have you called the hospital about your friend?



Any gentleman who asked a question like that and received your response would have immediately apologized to you, perhaps shown you his drivers license or tried in some way to undo the unease he put you in. Yes, it would have stung a bit to realize we were out of line in the way we just sort of waltzed up and asked for personal info without giving a thought to how it was received, but when you’re wrong, you’re wrong. Time to break out the salt shaker and have a dish of crow, maybe think about writing that new book, “How Not To Get Welcomed In Your New Neighborhood.”


Is there any chance you, perhaps being flustered the illness of your friend and preoccupied with tending to your mom, might have misunderstood the guy?

I only ask because “Do you own your home?”, could perhaps be mistaken for “Do you have the homeowners number?”



Of course you didn’t overreact when you talked to him, but you are overreacting now by worrying about it.


He should have just asked if you knew how to get hold of the HOA. You didn’t overreact. I wouldn’t have answered his question either. It’s none of his business if I own or rent.


If you happen to see him again and he IS your new neighbor, you could always approach him and ask if he was able to find the number? I think it’s a good idea to be friendly with our neighbors…

Yes, he phrased the question terribly… but maybe that’s just his way. My own dear husband is often misunderstood because he is very shy and sometimes out of nervousness says things in slightly odd ways.

In this day and age you can’t be too careful so I would’ve ignored the man and his strange question. There was nothing wrong with your response. I’m just saying that if he is truly your new neighbor, don’t necessarily hold the way he approached you against him.


No you didn’t overeact in the least. You did nothing wrong at all.
I would have done the same thing.
It’s a sad commentary of the world we live in- but women and children get abducted all the time going up to strangers in cars,or he could have been a burgler casing the joint or wanting to go through your trash for identity theft.
What he should have done is said “Hi, I’m your new neighbor, John Smith, just moved in, over at 123 Cherry St. and wondered if you had the number for the HOA.?” Even then I would have been wary.
Hope your friend recovers.


Bill, no… I didn’t misunderstand his question; because I asked him to repeat it. He said it twice, “Do you OWN your home?”.

The consensus here seems to be that my “neighbor” asked a very personal “none-of-yer-business” type question; however, I will follow the advice about attempting to be cordial, should we meet again. (fyi… I have not seen the new “neighbor” since that day). :shrug:

I do realize that I was shaken, from what had happened earlier in the day… to our friend. But I still feel, very strongly… that men should not approach women in this way. And that women have every right (and reason) to exercise caution… especially, with strangers.

Thanks everyone for your responses. God bless.


*Given the world we live in now, no you didn’t overreact. I don’t think so. I think that it’s awfully odd that he said that as a first question. lol But, being what it is, maybe when the dust settles, since he is your neighbor and all…maybe go over, knock on his door…and tell him why you reacted the way you did…and hopefully, you can be friends with your new neighbor…or friend-ly. Maybe not ‘friends,’ you know what I mean, lol. :stuck_out_tongue:

But, no, you didn’t overreact. I can see why you feel that way though…he should have simply said…hey, I’m your new neighbor, just curious, do you own your home? Do you have the # of the HOA? :rolleyes: Maybe he was in a rush. lol

Don’t sweat it, though. :)*


I’m sorry for your awkward encounter with the Borg. Don’t sweat it.

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