I seem to get this problem a lot. The “dating pool” is pretty small in the expatriate community (people who are living long-term in a foreign country), so there are lots of single guys around looking for girlfriends, especially of the English-speaking variety. I am already involved in a serious long-term relationship, and despite the problems we’re having with a custody battle over his children and immigration issues, I’m dedicated to this relationship.
However, two male acquaintances of mine continue to flirt with me in a manner that suggests they’d like to date me. Not “hey, baby, you and me in the back of my Chevy” come-ons, but strong hints that I’d be better off with them than with my boyfriend. Complimenting me a little too enthusiastically. Telling me that they wish they had met me before my boyfriend had. Warning me that if my boyfriend doesn’t put a ring on my finger soon, they’re going to try. Gazing at me for long periods of time from across the room. Waxing poetic about what a kind and sweet personality I have.
Honestly, it makes me feel really uncomfortable. Even if I were looking for a boyfriend, these guys would be going about it in the wrong way. Since I’ve made it abundantly clear to them both that I’m committed to the relationship I’m in, it’s really starting to bug me. I’d expect come-ons from a stranger, but these guys know that I’m in a relationship, and it doesn’t seem to bother them at all.
Neither of the guys is easy to avoid. One of them is part of the group of people that goes out for coffee after Church every week. I’m a new member of the parish and don’t want to alienate myself from the group to avoid this guy. The other guy is an acquaintance of mine who is a friend of my boyfriend, and from him I find the flirting really offensive because he claims to be my boyfriend’s friend. He came right out and said a few days ago that he thinks I’m “the one”. I’m not. I told him that I’m not the one, I’m in a relationship with his friend, and he will never be more than a friend to me, even if I did break up with my boyfriend. I’m planning to tell my boyfriend that his friend is being a jerk behind his back, but I’m concerned about what impact that’s going to have on his circle of friends.
So how do I go about getting these guys to back off, without being rude? I’m not a rude person. I don’t like confrontation at all. I just want these guys to stop flirting with me, and treat me like a lady instead of a potential date.