Porn and marriage


#1

This subject has probably been discussed ad nauseum, so I hope people don’t mind. but I sometiems hear people say not to get married if the guy has a problem with porn. or that he should break the habit before marriage. just wondering the reasoning behind this.

also, don’t really know how to say this, but well I’ve been watching porn for several years, ashamedly. I really want to stop. also, I have never had intercourse. hmm, not really sure what I’m asking. but maybe what’s the difference… obviously I know one is good (within marriage) and the other isn’t any time, but I just mean was anyone else in this situation, and how would you compare them? maybe just some general thoughts…


#2

Hello Phil to address your topic there are a few issues involved.To address the part about how it affects marriage.
There are so many people here at CAF whose marriages are very badly affected by porn and the infidelity it causes and pain apart from anything to do with sin.I see you are a catholic and I would suggest you make an ppointment to chat to your priest about this.You are committing sin by being involved with pornography.It also brings up so many other issues regarding the degradation of women in general and the women involved in the sleaze industry.Im sure you will be aware that many of these women are involved in this due to drug addiction and human trafficking etc.Of course this is not all women and those that are involved voluntarily have no value for themselves and in that they have issues.

I am glad you want to stop and I am sure you recognise it is a sin.To have a loving,honest open and warm relationship with your wife is what God wants for us that marry.There is no room in marriage for porn.If a woman were to marry someone who has a porn habit their marriage would be a disaster as the husband is not being faithful in his thought and in his deed to his wife.If you can try to break your ‘habit’ now you would be doing yourself a big favour if you meet someone that may one day be your wife as you will be able to love HER and be faithful in your mind and in your body.

I think you sound a very sincere man who will make a good husband one day.I hope you can get help to overcome your habit and if God’s Divine plan for you is to get married then you will make a wonderful husband.God bless


#3

To break a habit, change your patterns.

Move your computer to another location. Or install some passwords to make it difficult enough so that your patterns are changed.

If you go to a ginmill after work when you walk from your bus stop to your apartment, then get off at a different bus stop so you don’t have to walk past the habitual ginmill.

Small pattern interruptions can pay big dividends.

That’s one reason by some people write down every penny they spend. So that they see how much everything costs and the pattern change allows them an additional opportunity to reframe or see differently the things they are doing (and the money they are actually spending).

Start a new set of patterns. Make it a point to explore every town in your area to find and catalog all the Catholic churches. Find out / make a data base of their hours and call and get a bulletin from each one and see if any of them have a Perpetual Eucharistic Adoration. Or which ones have interesting activities that are of interest or curiosity to you.

Hunt down any places near you that are of religious significance or are pilgrimage destinations.

Make an “inventory” of Catholic colleges or seminaries near you which might have courses of interest, different from what you have studied before.

See how large a library of religious books you can collect ONLY by going to book sales [the quest for inexpensive books]. Garage sales, library basement bag sales $1 per bagful of books], etc.


#4

*I believe the best advice I ever heard that drove home the point was this.

Would you want to see your daughter put on display the way women are displayed in porn?
Well, every woman in porn is some ones daughter.

Or would you want your wife to be making a living this way?

Just a couple of thoughts.


#5

Hi Phil,

I realise from where you are sitting it is a horrbile cross to bear and you want compassion not judgement.

So, I will give you the reasoning from a woman`s perspective to not marry a porn addict. And I know it will hurt you but it IS how some women think.

1-) People do not change after marriage. I don`t expect a man to quit drinking if I marry him, how can I expect him to stop porn

2-) God is all powerful. As many times as you fall, HE can fogive you. Women are NOT God, we have our limits and can only take so much.

3-) Once a Catholic marries, it is for life. Better get out while I still can

4-) If I have a child with this man, how can I look at my own child in the eye when they found Daddy`s palyboy and see me sleep in his bed everynight. NO woman wants her kids to see her being degraded

5-) How can I teach my son to respect woman if their own father doesn`t

6-) Once this man gets over his porn addiction, he will see me for what I was, a women who has so little respect for myself I marry a porn addict. He will smarten up and leave me

Ok, I think I gave enough examples.

As much as I LOVE to see men try to get over their porn addiction, there will always be a conflict of interest. I think it is best to get help from male friends

CM


#6

Every one of those women is objectively committing mortal sins and is most probably in a state of mortal sin. As are the male models and the photographers and the people who are distributing the porn.

So, think about that and ask God to reach down and bring all of them to Him. To convert them. For Him to give each one of them the gift of faith.


#7

Are you asking whether porn+masturbation is better than sex or if sex is better than porn+masturbation?

There was a thread not too long ago, I don’t know if you read it, where a woman simply left her boyfriend of several years for good because he couldn’t stop looking at porn. Some women feel very strongly about porn and will not tolerate it.

You would be out of luck if you don’t stop looking at porn and your girlfriend is such a woman. Should she find out, she could walk away from you even after you’re married. She could be so disgusted by it that she would stop having sex with you. She could become very disgusted by you in general. So it would be very imprudent of you to marry her in this case, as you would be setting yourself (and her) up for a life of misery.

Not all women feel this way about pornography, so it all depends on what kind of a woman your girlfriend is.

As a suggestion to stopping, try replacing it with either written porn or softcore porn, or more “decent” porn featuring couples. Maybe you can gradually wean yourself off it.


#8

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