Porn: Has anyone ever heard this before?


#1

Recently, I discovered that my husband looks at porn and sometimes masterbates to it. Long story short, we are working on making things better but he said something that I am not quite sure I understand and he couldn’t explain it very well but just wondering if anybody else has heard this before…

He said he looks at that stuff because every guy wants a slut. He would look at girls do stuff on the internet that he would like to do but he doesn’t want to do them with me because he doesn’t want to degrade me. (I know he’s degrading me anyway by looking at that stuff, I already told him).

He wasn’t using it as an excuse I was just asking him to explain why he would look at that stuff.

Has anybody else heard that explaination before?


#2

Heard that one before. I’m inclined to think it’s a cop out. Could be true in his case, of course, we can’t see inside his head.


#3

Also, and I don’t want to frighten you, but I’ve only heard of a such things a few times, and in both of those cases things ended badly…however in both cases the woman was Catholic, man was not religious.


#4

That response would come under the “yeah…right…nice try” category.


#5

I know this may sound off topic but it isn’t. Please, order some Christopher West’s CDs/DVDs about sex and marriage…


#6

I think its a cop out too but like I said, I just wanted an explaination tosee what he thinks when he is looking at that stuff.

He has owned up to the mistake he was making and wasn’t trying to make excuses.


#7

Oooo, look, I have a stalker. Sorry,OP, I know this is a serious question, I didn’t mean to bring my stalker into this thread with me.

In any case, if he’s Catholic, he should spend some talking to a good priest in private.


#8

I have the book but can’t force him to read it. He’s turned to the bible instead.


#9

He is not Catholic. Should we get outside help anyway?


#10

Well, if he’s not Catholic, does he belong to some other church?


#11

Yes but doesn’t go all the time. Should I suggest he go talk to his pastor?


#12

His desires are disordered. He obviously knows this, since he knows to have you do the things he desires is “degrading.” He needs to work this out with confession and possibly additional counselling depending on how bad the situation is (a good priest can direct him).

Porn and masturbation can be a form of “addiction” - this is a controversial subject. Some believe calling it an addiction is a cop-out (“I’m sick…I can’t help it!”), regardless of what you call it, it is a strong compulsion that needs to be dealt with.

Here’s a place to send him to start with - dads.org/strugglewithporn.asp

Dads.org is a site for St. Joseph Covenant Keepers, which is a Catholic apostolate directed towards men, especially husbands and fathers.

God bless,

Robert


#13

Most protestant pastors will call the use of porn a sin, but not the masturbation.

I still think it would be a positive step. So, yes.

EDIT - I feel I need to add a disclaimer. It’s a risk. If a pastor tells him to give up porn but reinforces the idea that masturbation is natural and healthy, you may never, ever convince him otherwise. I just can’t, however, expect a non-Catholic to listen to a priest on this matter.


#14

Do you think I should ask his pastor his stance on it anonymously before suggesting he go?


#15

Only men with disordered and debased views of women and sexuality want women like that.

A real man desires an honorable, dignified woman.


#16

Some priests think that way, as well. That’s why I said “a good priest…” :stuck_out_tongue:

MeOnly - Even though he is Protestant, I would still send him to the dads site. It is a good start. Encourage him to pray about it and seek help.


#17

thanks i will


#18

Do you think I should ask his pastor his stance on it anonymously before suggesting he go?

I would, just so you know, but that may not leave you with any better options. Sounds like the website mentioned above may be a good resource.

Much luck and grace!


#19

BTW…on the site, they also have an article directed towards the wives. I hope this is helpful to you…
dads.org/article.asp?artId=243

It starts out talking about how most men will deny the problem, and it sounds like that isn’t an issue with your husband. That should give you hope. You are further along than some people are in confronting the problem.

God bless,
Robert


#20

I sure hope you weren’t referring ot me, because I was responding to MeOnly’s original post.


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