Dear Brothers and Sisters in Christ,
I have reached a state of spiritual confusion where I feel a tribunal would likely annul my marriage if I were to divorce my husband and apply. I know this would not be in the best intentions of my children and have no intention of going down this route at this time. However, in the future if things get worse I feel I might. :eek:
Before we were married my husband had ‘known’ five other women in the biblical sense. I was vaguely aware of this but he would not talk about any details. He was a wonderful man and very involved at Church. We met at church and we would even go to Mass as part of our dates. He led me to believe that his struggle with remaining pure for his future bride was way… in the past and that he would always be faithful to me. I suppose I figured that I would just get over it and should marry him as I did love him.
Fast forward 8 years and our marriage is less than ideal. He is whining and begging me to have six more often, insisting that I have to reach climax everytime or else something is physically wrong with me, and even asking for anal sex and S&M stuff. He finally reveals an addiction to pornography and masturbation, goes to counseling, and proclaims to be free from sexual sin at last. I (stupid me) believe him and we conceive two more children one of whom we miscarry.
Now, 2 more years have passed and I find out that he was clean for only 6 months. That means another 18 months of lying even when he knew that he was committing adultery. I find out that he masturbated almost every time he took a shower just be remembering the porn stars. He would even masturbate in the bathroom at the pool while the kids and I were swimming. Plus, in his delusional thinking, he spent 6 years holding onto the belief that our second child was not his because she shows a few recessive traits.
It turns out that the pornography thing started at age 10 and lasted through our dating time, engagement, and entire married life. My question is, “How can a man who masturbates to pornography for 4 to 5 hours a night, 2 to 3 times a week, during his engagement actually be preparing for marriage?” Clearly, he is missing some essential element of understanding what marriage is all about. Clearly, he is physically and emotionally incapable of vowing to be faithful for life. In my husband’s case the “faithful for life” part only lasted three weeks. Then I was pregnant and he was stressed to finish his dissertation so he could support me and the baby. Being on the computer late at night working while I was throwing up or sleeping made the “faithful” part too hard to keep.
He is doing everything he can now to get over this but there has been a lot of damage in our marriage. I really do not want to be married to someone who is chemically dependent on the high resulting from breaking the marriage covenant. It is all really gross.
Naturally, I’ve gone through ever state of hurt and devastation I know about. I am calm now but still I feel my marriage could be annuled someday in the future. I no longer feel a life long “till death do us part” attachment to my husband. If his addiction gets worse or he stops seeking help then I want to get far away. I do not want to be hurt again so I can’t trust him again. My heart is broken. I know God can heal and restore our marriage but… what if that happens and then my husband relapses again :eek: No matter what he or I do now will not change the fact that we do have a decent case to bring to a tribunal. That is terrifying.