Possible signs of child abuse in adult

My wife was exposed to a high level of pornography as a child from her father
She did open up to me one time and told me she thought graphic videos where normal and brought to to a sleep over with other kids as a 9 year old which in reaction she lost all her Friends over the incident

Her father is still an addict and not allowed at my house, (my choice) because he put porn on once in front of my 4 and 1 year old
He is disabled and we take care of him and he lives in an apartment 30 minutes away

1-My wife is typically kind but has anger out burst at me and my children
2-She is a perfectionist and gets very frustrated if others don’t live up to her standards
3-Early in our marriage she would wrongfully say I was committing adultery and threaten divorce
4-it took over 5 years of marriage to be intimate more than once a month and earlier in our marriage once we went about 9 months

Are these signs or is there any web sites that talk about signs of child abuse in adults

I think I have seen this exact same question from you before. Is there a link to another thread you could provide?

I don’t remember, I will have to find it, but I after cleaning out his house the last month I have seen the extent of the perversion

Just exposing a child to pornography is by itself abusive.

1 is normal (but might be abnormal with regard to degree).

2 is normal.

3 is weird, but perhaps explained by the fact that her father modeled a very inappropriate sexuality to her.

4 is worrisome, but might have nothing to do with her dad.

There’s no harm in seeking professional advice.

Best wishes!

Are you sure? I wonder if the father ever actually involved the daughter in his perverse fantasies. Or maybe kept company with someone who did. :frowning: Perhaps not, but the chances that he was a model father apart from showing her pornography seem very slim to me. There was probably other stuff he did wrong, which may also explain her issues.

Here’s a link which outlines the possible impacts of child abuse. There’s a list about a third of the way down.

energeticsinstitute.com.au/page/impact_of_childhood_sexual_abuse.html

As a survivor Adamski, I can say that all that you mentioned (1,2, 3, 4) describe me.
So going by personal experience, yes, it seems they are ‘symptoms’.

God bless you for seeking avenues of help for her, and may God help her in her journey.

Edit; except for 2, a slight variation; I have a set of standards for myself that I wouldn’t impose on others.

Is your wife still involved in taking care of a man that corrupted her mind sexually? It sounds as if he is still perverse as he showed your four and one year old pornographic material.

My first guess is that continued and constant contact with her father, has made healing for your wife nearly impossible. He abused her and he again mocked the abuse by trying to abuse her daughters!

In my opinion your wife needs a break from this toxic man. Since he is disabled, you would need to not just cut him off immediately that would not be Christ-like. However it is time to call Catholic Charities or a social service agency or someone to step in. Tell them this man needs help and your wife is DONE seeing him as of tomorrow and you are DONE helping him out at home in two weeks. Yuk.

NO one here can really deal with the extent of this for you. The best advice anyone on here can give you is to seek professional help for both you and your wife.

She is very involved with his care, but soon it will be much more limited we just moved him from his home he couldn’t care for to assisted living.

She has said “if I don’t care for him no one will”. Her mother passed away 5 years ago and he can barley walk and has no use of his left arm/ hand

I think with the cleaning up of the home and moving him it has brought out a lot of emotions for her.

I really am great full for everyone’s responses it is very helpful

Please do all you can to make phone calls to social service agencies, your local government county assistance program for seniors, social security, medicare, your father-in-law’s health insurance and any other possible place you can think of.

Call these places and help your wife. Someone else needs to take care of him, not her, ever again. Your wife is deep in guilt to help him and it is bringing up probably the most gruesome and painful moments of her life. Find someone else to clean his home for him to get ready to sell it or whatever you need to do. Find a way to make this happen in your budget, because your wife CANNOT go into his home and sift through all of his pornographic materials that he probably has in every corner of the house.

You need to protect her, counseling will help but protecting her from this is your primary job. Tell your wife that you love her and for her mental well-being you do not want her to experience this pain and you will move mountains to help so she doesn’t have to experience this ever again. I wonder if you were more passive in just going along with her helping her dad before, I believe that was a mistake, she doesn’t have the strength to stand up for herself so you need to help her to do that. God bless and so sorry your family is going through this.

If he regularly exposed her to pornography, there is a good chance he also sexually abused her. As a victim of child sex abuse, I implore you to get her away from him immediately and find someone else or some charity to take care of him. You need to protect your wife and your children from him.

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.