Pray for husband's dumb choice


#1

Please pray for my husband to return to the sacraments, he is in dire need of God’s grace right now.

He went out of town this weekend to visit his friends and did something stupid. I’m not sure gratitude is really the right word to use, but I was grateful when he finally came home this evening that he was pretty prompt about telling me . . .I had spoken w/ him earlier b/c his original plans were to be back in town by 1 to go to a game w/ his brother, but he said he overdid it at the bar the night before and wanted to recover before coming home. So he didn’t make it back till about 6:30 and went straight to bed, still not feeling great.

The kids and I had just finished supper and I was getting ready to give them a bath when he called me to our room to confess. I guess his friend’s girlfriend bought some ‘legal’ synthetic pot and DH decided to get in on the action w/ his buddies. He said he immediately didn’t feel right and got very ill. Keep in mind that in his college days, he’d done the real thing, so I guess he’d be able to tell the difference in how you’re supposed to feel (beats me, I’ve never done anything like this).

So one of his other friends that he was actually staying with nursed him and DH said that he broke down crying to his friend about how much he loved me and the kids and felt like such a jerk and a loser for doing what he did.

I’m really not all that mad - I figure when he gets around some of his friends that he’s going to be tempted to do something stupid. I told him that my only concern was trusting him. With the internet pornography incident last summer, meddling with any substance that would interfere with his inhibitions is what concerns me most. What he did really only harmed HIM (in a sense), but he could very easily have done other things that would have been very hurtful to our marriage and family.

I told him that he has 2 friends whom I really trust, but these other guys very obviously do NOT have his best interest in mind and he would do well to distance himself from them or simply not go with them except for a meal and movies. I’m almost to the point of saying that he’d be best just not to visit his friends away from home w/out me anymore. Really, it’d be better for them to come here and visit us where, granted there’s less to do, but there’s less temptations for stupid stuff.

Just not really sure how to take this. This isn’t the first time he’s done stupid stuff like this. Quite frequently he will attend social events locally on the weekends which involve drinking and he overdoes pretty well everytime and then it takes him most of the following week to fully recover and just by the skin of his teeth get all of his time in at work. I think at this point, the natural physical consequences of getting sick and the emotional consequences of feeling like he’s let himself and me down pretty well are all the punishment he needs.

I just really with he’d go with me to talk to our priest. I really want to visit with him myself, but I wouldn’t feel right talking to him about my problems w/ DH and basically ‘telling’ on DH - just feel like it’d be better straight from the horse’s mouth and then DH wouldn’t feel ashamed so much or betrayed that it came from me instead of him.

Please pray for DH to really step up and do what he needs for himself in his faith and in serving our family in his vocation. Not really sure what else to say.


#2

\I’m really not all that mad - I figure when he gets around some of his friends that he’s going to be tempted to do something stupid.\

**I admire your tolerance for your husband’s failings.

I also admire that he loved and trusted you enough to tell you what happened.

Things might be rocky sometimes, but every married person should have such love and trust in the spouse.**


#3

I’m not sure if I’d really label it tolerance. I don’t know if I’m just in too much shock to really process things rationally or if the frequency of his shortcomings has just worn me down. I was okay until I lay down to sleep last night and then I cried very briefly for him. I just carressed his hair and thought to myself, ‘I don’t know what’s going on inside his head and his heart, but there has to be some internal struggle that would drive him to these things.’

I talked to my big sis today who was a great consolation to me. She said she sympathized w/ me but the long and short of it was that DH seems to be milking my sympathy and lingering in self pity just a little too long and he just plain needs to grow up. I totally agree, but I feel powerless to do anything about it. She agreed w/ me that this bit of news probably will just roll off his back coming from me, but just not sure who could talk to him about this that would really put the conviction on him.

After talking w/ sis, sorta feeling like I should just go ahead and talk to my priest on my own (pretty well how I do everything anyway) and just get some advice for just exactly what my responsibilities are here and what might be some realistic expectations. Many times in the past I have considered shipping him back to his folks for a month, but of course that would be difficult right now w/ the holidays and my impending birth.

I have asked him in the past if there’s anything I can do for him and I have tried to help him out, but it all still falls very flat and he really just needs to learn to take care of himself as far as keeping regular hours and diet and just avoiding situations that would impede his ability to provide physically and emotionally for our family - right now he is really very absent from our daily life. Just not sure what to do - really feel sorry for him, but at the same time, I don’t have someone taking care of me either.

Besides all this, I am in charge of kind of heading up a new women’s bible study (on week 9 now) and just feeling very disconnected from the subject matter and the other women in the group. Feel like I am in a boat all by myself being in a mixed marriage and having a hard time engaging in conversation or keeping the discussion going. I hate to back out and just be a recluse, I think maybe it’s a sacrifice I need to offer to God and keep going just to have at least some bit of socialization and just draw from it whatever I can.

Just need all the prayers we can get.


#4

Tell him to grow up. He’s not in college anymore.


#5

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