Pray for me and my organs!


#1

My wife is on the downhill slide in her fourth pregnancy. All four have been difficult with one ending in miscarriage, one requiring treatment for dangerous clotting antibodies she tested positive for, one requiring brief hospitalization for the halting of pre-term labor, and the current one requiring five weeks and counting of hospitalization and all sorts of drugs. At one point, she almost was even over medicated to the point of requiring a ventilator!

All this has left my wife and I very sour on the idea of anymore children. I hate to see her in any sort of pain and this last pregnancy is just too much. She’s demanding either she or I get sterilized. I’ve tried to talk her out of it and explained Church teaching. We did actually attempt NFP and made it work for a while but, well, here comes baby #3. She’s demanding that either I agree to get a vasectomy or she will request tubal ligation at the end of her pregnancy.

I can’t tell you I don’t halfway agree with her even though I know it’s a mortal sin. Furthermore, it just seems to bleepin easy to get it done and then go to confession. I certainly would be truly sorry for getting it done but that still just seems like a cop-out to me. I am a fairly recent convert (as is my wife) and am, in all modesty, kinda feel like I am being groomed for further ministry in my parish. I certainly want to do whatever I can for my parish. But I feel I won’t have a leg to stand on teaching others about the faith if I don’t do my best to adhere to it.


#2

Don’t do it! I am serious when I say this: you will regret it. Artificial birth control, especially sterilization, destroys the natural balance and intimacy in a marriage. I had a tubal ligation with the c-section I had with our 4th, at my (now ex) husband’s insistance. I can not tell you how sorry I have been for that.

You should look here at all of the testimony from people who have had vasectomies or tubals and then had them reversed. www.omsoul.com/sterilization-reversal.php

Don’t be pressured into doing this…I will definitely pray for you!


#3

No, I don’t want to do it! I’m just trying to figure out how not to!:smiley:


#4

Brian, I felt forced in to it too, but the truth is, you CAN say no. You should say no. (You had better say no!!!)


#5

Yes but what am I supposed to do? Lie to my wife and tell her I will until after her pregnancy? As I mentioned, she plans to have them snip at her organs after the delivery if I don’t plan on getting snippety-snipped myself.:frowning:


#6

Oh boy, we are a lot alike. My husband was threatening a vasectomy, and I decided to have the tubal ligation so that he wouldn’t have the vasectomy. Don’t lie to her, just tell her that it would go against your conscience and you’re not going to do it. You can’t stop her from doing what she wants to do to her own body, but you can try to talk to her and let her know why you don’t want her to do that. That’s about the best that you can do.


#7

You could also do some reaserch and show her some of the “hidden” statistics on how many complictions downthe road she could have from the tubal. I seem to recal an extremely high percentage of women (like over 75%) who have a tubal eventually need a full hysterectomy from all the horrible complications and on goig issues of the tubal. This could then require her to consider hormone replacent therapy drugs for years, and THOSE have horrible side effects and know links to cancer, etc.

A tubal is just borrowing a lifetime of trouble and future medical bills.


#8

I agree with that. But at the same time, I don’t want to lead her to a tubal ligation by telling her no when a vasectomy is at least halfway sorta kinda reversible depending on the method used.


#9

Brian, have you and your wife heard of the Pope Paul VI Institute? It was set up to help people who are dealing with your sort of need. Give it and it’s links a look–you might find something/someone who can help you with your dilemma. :slight_smile:


#10

I would talk to a doctor or two about the possible hazards of another pregnancy, and then talk to a priest. Sterilization is not the only option available to handle such a situation, but you need expert opinions and clear statements from a doctor and a priest (or a bishop). Your wife is upset with what is happening to her body, and both of you are at a loss figuring out what to do - ask for help.


#11

Thanks Della. I’m completely open to this but my wife doesn’t like it. I’m not trying to throw everything off on her, grant you. It doesn’t help that she’s a pediatrician who sees tons of pregnant teens.:frowning:


#12

Thanks. I’ve been planning on talking to my pastor but being stuck at the hospital all night and at work an hour away from my church during the day…nothing’s easy…:o


#13

Tubal ligations are also reversible. Take a look at these statistics:

news.tubal-reversal.net/pregnancy-study-2007-pregnancy_rates.htm

I mean neither procedure should be undertaken with the expectation that it could be reversed, but I just want you to know that there is no reason for you to feel pressured into a vasectomy.


#14

I don’t know it it is 75% but it is certainly more than they tell her. Please both of you get ALL the info, not just what doc wants you to hear. BIL has had 3 surgeries to correct complications of V-surgery he did not really want in the first place because he was squeamish about it. I also know more than I ever wanted to know about complications of various types of BC and of tubal, I would never ever advise a daughter of mine to have a tubal. If there is a gyn problem for which a hysterectomy is indicated (as a treatment, not as a drastic contraceptive) get 3 opinions on that too, and the side effects.

find out the facts before making such a drastic decision. Anything that affects a woman’s reproductive system, especially if it involves tampering with the monthly cycle or the hormones or both, is a recipe for disaster.


#15

DW is a Dr. so she’s pretty sure of her facts already. I brought up the subject again tonight (this is my first night at home in 2 weeks) when I took the kids up to see her. She again said no to anymore attempts at NFP and said the whole reason she wanted a tubal was b/c she was aware of my moral objections. I feel I’d be co-operating if I didn’t do something drastic to stop her so that doesn’t exactly help.:frowning: Besides, it’d be a separate procedure if she doesn’t have a c-section… I sure don’t want her cut up. Why isn’t life easy?


#16

Begin to fast for your wife, for your marriage. Prayer and fasting, the double barrel approach :slight_smile:


#17

If a new pregnancy would be life-threatening, I believe it is not only NFP that is open to you. Please, do talk to your priest (or, preferably, the bishop) about it, and get all medical opinion you can on your wife’s condition.


#18

Well, we’re bishop-less right now. I have a favorite confessor who’s a wise old Irish priest. Perhaps I can talk to him next confession.


#19

Good idea. God bless and protect you and your wife!


#20

It is a tough spot that you are in, so I will definitely be keeping your family in my prayers.


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