Pray for my divorce or a miracle


#1

It is the middle of the night and I can't get back to sleep, even after taking Ambien. My spouse, who has maintained one ongoing relationship with another man for three years now, left home to go to another city to see one male friend, stayed out until 2:30 in the morning with another this summer. Then, on a family camping trip with other families, I caught her in the arms of another man, a family friend, kissing at 1:30 a.m. by the deserted campfire.

I've avoided thoughts and actions toward divorce for years, struggling with my spouse's lies and anger, but I'm losing myself over these recent events. I can't sleep and I'm starting to fail at work. This last guy was "only a friend" and she "wasn't even really attracted to him" and she sorry and "was thinking of me the whole time." Yuck. They'd spent several days together a month previously.

Yes, we've been to multiple counselors through the years, even priests. I'm not searching for another spouse, and don't even know if annulment is a possibility. I just want to pick up my integrity and move on.

I had an encounter with God in the adoration chapel a month before this last event. Praying for the 10,000th time for guidance, I felt His presence. He was there, but he didn't tell me what to do. I felt, "I am with you always, regardless what may happen." Catching my spouse in the act later seems like the final sign. She hasn't seen anyone about this recent act and asked if I was going to move out . I had left last summer for several months. I told her this time I was going to divorce her.

I've prayed so long and have requested so many prayers for her conversion and for my perseverance. There have been times I've even told God I'm ready to go home, if that be His will (what a relief that would be). But he's left me here to continue on this journey. So, I do.

She wants to part on friendly terms and inexpensively, but won't give me the tax returns I need to put together the financials. We've told the kids we were divorcing, but she's doing stuff around the house every day and not really acting like our relationship is ending. I need to work toward wholeness again and knowing that I'm not just being used by a spouse who talks about God, but picks and chooses His rules to follow.

Prayers for a divorce seems like an oxymoronic topic n a Catholic forum, so please pray for my spouse, for me and for our children. Pray for His love to continue, despite lies and betrayal. Pray that forgiveness can be eventually had. And, pray always in thankfulness for His presence in my and your life.

Or, with me, pray for a miracle. All things are possible with Him.


#2

[quote="indymb, post:1, topic:253603"]
It She wants to part on friendly terms and inexpensively, but won't give me the tax returns I need to put together the financials. We've told the kids we were divorcing, but she's doing stuff around the house every .

[/quote]

you can request these from the IRS
you need an attorney now to protect assets if you have allowed her to take charge financially


#3

You have my deepest sympathy and my prayers.

One thing I can assure you. Once the matter is over and done with, you are going to feel as though a huge burden has been lifted.

And who knows, maybe being out on her own will ultimately show her how foolish she has been and lead to the conversion....

May God be with you and with your children.

Peace
James


#4

I know you are asking for prayers more than advice, but I hope you will accept both. Please do not fail at work, as difficult as that may be. You do not need the further stress of being unemployed. You don't want your supervisor wondering if you have suddenly turned into a drunk or drug addict with unpredictable behavior. Talk to him so he knows you are going through a rough patch and will bounce back if he is patient. You are going to need a few days off here and there to settle legal matters, so you may as well warn him.

You will not be able to get tax forms pertaining to your spouse from the IRS without her telling them on the phone (or by letter) to release them to you. I've had to do this many times myself, so I speak from experience. However, you should call the IRS at 1-800-829-1040 and explain the situation. They have something called "innocent spouse relief" (form 8857) for dealing with uncooperative spouses, and they will guide you.

I hope you get legal representation immediately and have kept a written record of her infidelity. You may need it if you end up in court for the purposes of child custody. You can't trust her to be faithful -- don't believe her when she says she wants an amicable separation while refusing to cooperate on tax issues. Something doesn't smell right, and you may have to later prove she is unfit to be a mother to keep her from leaving the state with your kids. You will also need this if you wish to seek annullment of your marriage for reasons of infidelity. Photo documentation only costs a couple of hundred dollars from a private detective.

To echo James, you will feel a great relief when you have this disaster out of your life to the extent possible. You have done everything you can. You have been patient and generous. Keep praying, and do not let your disappointment turn to hate. Yet, protect yourself and your kids. You don't know who is giving her advice. God bless.


#5

Prayers for you, her and the children. I know this is hard and I pray for the best. Whether the best is with or without her, you need to seek what is best for you emotionally, physically and spiritually. You can not continue to suffer, it will have many adverse effects, you have said it is already affecting your performance at work. You can not allow yourself to lose your job because of this, they are way too hard to find. Divorce is always bad but sometimes there is not other alternative. Sometimes you have to think of YOU and do what is best for YOU.


#6

Saburo gives good advice here as well as several other posters. If you want use the link in my signature block - we have a support group here on CAF. I think the big thing you need to do at this point in order to make it real is to physically separate. Please talk to your priest before taking this step.


#7

Son of a broken family, I am not for divorce till the last resort.
I now wonder, why is it that your spouse has this tendency towards adultery? There is always a reason.
I have seen said that it is a mental imbalance of some sort. But what, in your spouse?
For me, this is a disease like alcohol. It needs to be treated.
For me sexual imbalance is a sign of psychology imbalance.
A famous Hollywood actress understood that when she (I dont remember who is she) said to the husband on the XXX time os infidelity to either treat himself or divorce.
I think that behavior is not normal. I read another article about adultery experiences of a receptionist who said that she could not control herself though she thought it was wrong.

I remember an article I read in Internet that said: “10 ways to Infidelity”. I cannot find it anymore. The psychologist was doing things on the reverse. Instead of saying the 10 things that lead to adultery he said: “If you want to commit adultery, do these 10 thigns” though his intention was the reverse.

Do you know what was the 1st one? I was utterly surprised. It was “stress”. Stress may lead to imbalance that leads to an escape. I have searched through google with this word but the things I found were magazine-topics not scientific ones. And I only accept the real causes (maybe your wife knows!) not imagination.

That is what i can help.

Best Regards,


#8

[quote="indymb, post:1, topic:253603"]
It is the middle of the night and I can't get back to sleep, even after taking Ambien. My spouse, who has maintained one ongoing relationship with another man for three years now, left home to go to another city to see one male friend, stayed out until 2:30 in the morning with another this summer. Then, on a family camping trip with other families, I caught her in the arms of another man, a family friend, kissing at 1:30 a.m. by the deserted campfire.

I've avoided thoughts and actions toward divorce for years, struggling with my spouse's lies and anger, but I'm losing myself over these recent events. I can't sleep and I'm starting to fail at work. This last guy was "only a friend" and she "wasn't even really attracted to him" and she sorry and "was thinking of me the whole time." Yuck. They'd spent several days together a month previously.

Yes, we've been to multiple counselors through the years, even priests. I'm not searching for another spouse, and don't even know if annulment is a possibility. I just want to pick up my integrity and move on.

I had an encounter with God in the adoration chapel a month before this last event. Praying for the 10,000th time for guidance, I felt His presence. He was there, but he didn't tell me what to do. I felt, "I am with you always, regardless what may happen." Catching my spouse in the act later seems like the final sign. She hasn't seen anyone about this recent act and asked if I was going to move out . I had left last summer for several months. I told her this time I was going to divorce her.

I've prayed so long and have requested so many prayers for her conversion and for my perseverance. There have been times I've even told God I'm ready to go home, if that be His will (what a relief that would be). But he's left me here to continue on this journey. So, I do.

She wants to part on friendly terms and inexpensively, but won't give me the tax returns I need to put together the financials. We've told the kids we were divorcing, but she's doing stuff around the house every day and not really acting like our relationship is ending. I need to work toward wholeness again and knowing that I'm not just being used by a spouse who talks about God, but picks and chooses His rules to follow.

Prayers for a divorce seems like an oxymoronic topic n a Catholic forum, so please pray for my spouse, for me and for our children. Pray for His love to continue, despite lies and betrayal. Pray that forgiveness can be eventually had. And, pray always in thankfulness for His presence in my and your life.

Or, with me, pray for a miracle. All things are possible with Him.

[/quote]

I will pray for both of you. Every one can change if they never give up.


#9

[quote="Saburo, post:4, topic:253603"]
don't believe her when she says she wants an amicable separation while refusing to cooperate on tax issues. Something doesn't smell right

[/quote]

Agreed, agreed, agreed. It sounds like there's a possibility she's saying this while prepping her own whammy. Basically, if you think you're parting amicably, then you're not preparing to defend yourself if she decides to take you to the cleaner. There's absolutely no reason not to give you financial records.

You don't have to be malicious about it, but protecting yourself against attack is not the same as attacking and trying to take her for all she's worth.

Lawyer up and ASAP. Best wishes and prayers to you in this trying time.


#10

I too think this wife stinks of deception. I too would listen to the advice you have received. Your divorce will not be amicable. It will get ugly fast if you don't protect yourself.


#11

OP, I see you mentioned a somewhat faint suicide ideation - "it would be OK with me if God would take me home." You do not need to lie down and die over your wife's infidelity.

She is wrong in the situation. NO ONE DESERVES TO BE CHEATED ON! You are not wrong or bad for expecting your wife to be true to you and not adulterous. She is using you, taking advantage of you, playing with you.

High time you got a lawyer, and one that specializes in men in divorce proceedings. I hear the ads on the radio all the time. Cordell and Cordell, one that stuck in my head. I think getting evidence of her cheating is a great idea.

If you are still being intimate with her, please get yourself tested for STDs. I know it's horrible to think about, but it happens. If you are not intimate with her, then it's time to get out or get her out, you're not in a marriage any more, she's actively cheating on you.

Go see your priest ASAP and tell him the whole sordid story. But go see a lawyer first. If she wants to cheat, she should have to leave without the children. Go shack up with the boyfriend and see how that goes, right...

You might be depressed, in fact, you probably are. With your wife being this blatant about cheating it would be hard not to be depressed. Go see your doctor and get meds - it does not mean you are crazy, the stress has depleted your brain's ability to make the happy hormones. You probably won't need them forever but they can help you do what needs doing right now. There's a lot for you to get done.


#12

I'm praying for your intentions.


#13

I know this is very painful and I'm sorry you're going through this. I am praying for you.


#14

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death
Amen.


#15

[quote="TheRealJuliane, post:11, topic:253603"]
OP, I see you mentioned a somewhat faint suicide ideation - "it would be OK with me if God would take me home." You do not need to lie down and die over your wife's infidelity.

[/quote]

Everyone needs to face their end. I know God has a path for me. Feels like being Jeremiah at times. The years of lies and anger and inability to figure it all out would take their toll, but they have greatly increased my faith. There is always hope, so suicide is NEVER an option. Thanks for caring!


#16

[quote="joanofarc2008, post:6, topic:253603"]
Saburo gives good advice here as well as several other posters. If you want use the link in my signature block - we have a support group here on CAF. I think the big thing you need to do at this point in order to make it real is to physically separate. Please talk to your priest before taking this step.

[/quote]

Thanks for the link. The pastors of our old and new church know all about it. It will be hard to separate until the divorce is final. She isn't working and I won't leave her hanging. If I can make the effort to love enemies, I can certainly show love to the mother of my children.


#17

God Bless you brother,

I don’t know exactly how you feel but I was in a sort of similar situation. My wife told me that she is not having an affair or anything like that but she did ask me for a divorce 6 months ago. We are now trying to work it out.

I will pray for you and your family brother.

TC99


#18

Praying for you, your children, and their mother.


#19

[quote="indymb, post:16, topic:253603"]
Thanks for the link. The pastors of our old and new church know all about it. It will be hard to separate until the divorce is final. She isn't working and I won't leave her hanging. If I can make the effort to love enemies, I can certainly show love to the mother of my children.

[/quote]

You have my complete support in that decision. It is the example of St Joseph himself - just know that my hand was offered in support not in advice. God bless and know that I hope that your marriage survives this and becomes fruitful once again.


#20

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