Prayer for former girlfriend, what to do?


#1

I have been broken up with my former girlfriend for a couple of months now. Almost the entire time I dated her I believed we were going to get married. We broke up for reasons that aren’t all clear. We were both going off to college, and out of no where she decided we should split. She lost feelings for me and we ended up separating…

We were incredible friends for almost a year and had a really holy relationship. She brought me really close to the Lord, hopefully I did the same thing for her. I loved this girl, or at least to the best of my ability thought I did. She has been on my heart ever since.

I am wondering if it is alright to pray for God to open her heart to me? I have been praying that God lead both of us in his will, almost every day since we’ve been broken up. I believe he can bring us together, in fact he is the only one who can. Should I just keep waiting for God, or should I let her go? I would wait as long as it took to be with this one…she is amazing :)! Scripture tells us that faith the size of a mustard seed will enable us to move mountains.

What is okay to pray for in terms of former relationships? Is there anything I can do in addition?


#2

I think it would be a mistake to pine after someone who has already told you she is no longer interested. It’s hard, but holding on to false hope is going to delay the inevitable pain and prevent you from finding the one God really intends for you. In a few months the pain won’t be so raw and you’re going to feel a lot better and be able to think more clearly about it.

In my opinion, it’s better to focus on your studies in college rather than a relationship. I made the mistake of keeping up a long-distance relationship in college, and although my grades were good I know they could have been much better if I hadn’t wasted so much time chasing after a relationship I always knew in the back of my head wasn’t right for me.


#3

You need to let her go.

Yes, it does sometimes happen that people break up and later “get back together”, but for now at least, you need to let her go.

You deserve someone who wants to be with you just as much as you want to be with them.

Before I was Catholic, I was a very immature Christian who relied on “signs” and trying to “hear God’s voice” (not that He doesn’t speak to people) but this actually led me to marry someone who stalked me because he somehow convinced me that it was “God’s will” that we should be together. I actually convinced myself that this was true, even though i wasn’t attracted to him and hardly knew him.

Anyway, I have now (10+ years later) come to the conclusion that God does not “arrange” marriages, nor does He coerce people to want to be with someone they don’t want to be with.
That’s not to say that she couldn’t later, of her own free will, decide that she DOES want to be with you. But maybe she was in your life for only a season.

My advice is to keep the communication open, but only if she wants to. Your heart was broken, so understandably, you need time to heal.


#4

The Lord gave her free will. Just pray for Him to lead both of you closer to Him.


#5

[quote="michigan_176, post:1, topic:226118"]
I have been praying that God lead both of us in his will, almost every day since we've been broken up.

Should I just keep waiting for God, or should I let her go?

[/quote]

You say you are praying for God's will, but then you ask if you should just keep waiting for God (to bring her back to you).

You need to consider that the answer may be "no" or it may be "not right now." You both have 4 years of college ahead of you. She has indicated she is not interested in an exclusive relationship with you. She may never be.

So, you should live your life. Don't sit pining for this girl who is far away from you. If you and she are meant to be together, then it will happen in its own time. In the meantime, open yourself to the possibility that God has greater things in store for you. Look around, see your surroundings through new eyes. There may be a woman at your college you will meet who will be the one God has for you.

First love is hard. And it seems like you could never meet anyone else who you could love. But you will.


#6

If the relationship is over, it's over. She has her free will just as you have yours. The best thing you can do is pray that she is happy. If you want to try for a reconciliation, you have to talk to her - God isn't going to just throw you together, you have to be proactive. But if she says no, you have to accept it. If it's been a while, chances are that'll be the case. Focus on moving on.


#7

I appreciate all the advice, I know what I've gotta do now. With God's grace and due time, I will heal and move on to what he has next.


#8

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