I used to love going to church for Mass and adoration, but lately haven’t been able to due to the things that are happening in my country. I’ve tried to pray, but for some reason cannot trust the voice of my own conscience. Religious institutions here are often used in abusive ways (e.g. to perpetuate power, hierarchy and the rule of the majority), and perhaps my faith is not very mature, so every time I try to think of God’s love and forgiveness, I often see “God” as siding with those in power. I have great difficulty seeing Him as He truly is (as my protector, provider, comforter, counselor; as being compassionate and humble in heart, etc.)
Due to the political situation and recent events, it’s almost impossible to communicate with fellow Christians (I’m a writer, and each time I write about some societal issues, people remember the violence that had happened and tend to shy away or be judgmental). It’s just very difficult to trust in God’s love under these conditions (no sense of community, misunderstanding and ostracism). And I’m also struggling with lots of temptations, which are often misunderstood by others due to the rarity of my situation (as a writer who has always been concerned with national issues, etc.). Without proper support and guidance, the temptations are really disturbing my spiritual and daily life, and depriving me of peace. I have great difficulty trusting in God’s mercy; all I see is His judgment and how ‘horrible’ I am.
Please pray a lot for me.
If it’s not too much to ask, please remember me in your daily prayers this month. I’m supposed to travel halfway around the world to go to school later this month, and I really want to embark on this new journey in good faith and good spirits. All of which is almost impossible to do in the state I’m currently in.
Thanks a lot in advance.
Take care and God bless!