For anybody who’s read any of my posts, you know that DH and I are in need of help in our marriage. I am frustrated again today b/c DH’s schedule is off - again! He slept in till 6pm yesterday, but thankfully was gracious and helpful will the kids when he did get up. I asked him as I was going to bed if he’d help me get caught up on the dishes and he said he’d do them in a while (which normally translates to ‘not gonna happen’).
Sure enough when I got up @ 1:30 for a potty break, he was still up - in fact, he’d gone to rent some movies, but he hadn’t bothered to touch the dishes. If you knew me, you’d know I’m of the mentality of ‘leisure must be justified by labor.’ Aside from this, I’m struggling with nighttime potty training w/ our 3yo b/c I don’t get up during the night to get him on the pot so he doesn’t wet the bed - DH stays up past midnight every night, but doesn’t even think about getting DS up and he’s had a horrible rash for a couple of months now b/c of it and wakes up soaked and stinking of pee (despite all of my efforts to cut off liquids HOURS before bedtime). Basically, just not getting the help I need from DH.
I am at the point where just to keep caught up on the house, I am doing dishes and laundry while the kids eat breakfast and even coming home at lunch to do chores. I am so angered and frustrated w/ DH’s unreliability that it makes me more and more want to quit my job and stay home (which I’ve desired from the start anyway). I am tired and worn out being 7 mo pregnant and getting zero help w/ the house and children. I’m sure I would be just as tired staying at home w/ the kids, but at least I could get a nap every afternoon!
I dread to think how bad things will get at home when I CAN’T come home from lunch b/c I’ll be pumping for the new baby and using all of my break time just for that. I had us signed up and ready to go to a Marriage Encounter weekend last week, but it was cancelled. Dear God, where are you in all of this? I feel like I’m running mad in every direction and I want some professional counceling and we just don’t have the means to do it, let alone the fact that our schedules don’t sinc up and it’s hard to get child care for our little ones in order for us to get away.
I have bought a couple of CD sets (one on marriage, one on depression) and neither one of them is speaking to me in any way which just frustrates me. DH just will not give me the time of day to talk about anything and we can’t come to an agreement on anything. I don’t laugh or even smile and every day is just gray, I do not feel the joy of the Lord in my life right now and cannot even muster to teach my children about Him or discipline and be the kind of mommy I want to be.
God, help me!