Suicide. We don’t talk much about it in AA, and if you are getting uncomfortable reading this much, stop now and go to another posting. If you first thoughts are condemnation, stop now and go to another posting. If you first thoughts are that they deserve to burn in hell, stop now and go to another posting. Please
It doesn’t happen often. Many of us have somehow, someway, managed to come out of the Valley Of The Shadow Of Death, The Valley of Total Dispair, the Valley of Utter Hoplessness. I am one of those. I am one of the lucky ones, or perhaps Mother Mary had already decided to sink her hooks into me. Who knows.
And we tell the newcomers and each other that suicide is a permanent solution to temporary problems. But some shattered and broken souls are crushed beneath the weight of circumstances outside their control. You lose a dear friend.
The scars never heal. Never. And every now and then something comes along to rip open those scars all over again, and the pain causes you to cry all over again. You bleed again. You hear that gunshot echo over and over again.
Today the cause was on page 149 of Susan Tassone’s book PRAYING IN THE PRESENCE OF OUR LORD FOR THE HOLY SOULS.
Page 149 has a prayer from Father Benedict J. Groeschel, C.F.R. titled “For One Who Has Taken His Own Life.” I won’t go into any more details or self-pity, just want to quote that last part…
"I am filled with terror for the one I loved and cared for. If only I was certain of salvation for the one who is gone, defeated by this life.
"There is no one I can come to but You — Crucified One. Your prayer of derliction, which alawys puzzled me before, now is the only thing with any meaning at all.
"I put my dear one whose body is destroyed into Your hands. Reach down from the Cross and embrace this wounded and broken soul. You descended into hell. Find our friend on the edge and rescue the one who has gone from us…
“We have no place to go in the world, in the whole universe but here to You., to Your Cross — it is our only hope. Into Your hands, O Lord, we commend this spirit. Amen.”
I wish I knew what was meant by that “prayer of dereliction”.