HELP, I’M DROWNDING
If you were drownding in the ocian could you save yourself by changing your attitude ? Could you save your self by jumping out ? Of course not. And changing my attitude dose not change the reallity of my circumstances. I need someone to reach out to me and deliver me from my loneliness, depresseon, paranoid fears of false accusation, social rejection and isolation.
I have tried motivational tapes, Bible studies, Singles groups, Internet dating sites, professional activity groups, Singles bars and night clubs, and I even started drinking just so I could join a recovery group in hopes that some one would reach out to me.
Each time I join a new group with hopes that mabee this time it will be different . As I get in my truck and drive to a new church activity. I thank GOD for all the worldly junk that I have been blessed with. I thank GOD that I live in America, for all the blessings that I take for granted. I thank GOD for the job, the checking account, the savings account. I thank GOD the House is paid off, that the car and truck are paid off and they will last another 10 years with out any problems.
And then I ask GOD for a girl friend. God, Can you please bring someone into my life who will make a difference. GOD , can you please make someone reach out to me. GOD, I need someone who will let me hold her hand, put my arm around and hold close to me. Someone who will let me hug them for more than 3 to 5 seconds without calling me a pervert or a sex maniac. I want someone who will call me and encourage me when I had a bad day. I want someone I can go places and do things with , and know they are not just using me because I have money .
I want to know what LOVE IS. I want someone to show me.
I am so tired of going out of my way to make a difference in peoples lives. I give, and I give, and I give. They take, and they take, and they take. And then they forget about me. No one calls, No one comes over, No one sais “Hay , we missed you . What happened” Hay, Whaat about me ?
But when I get to church, Bible study, Singles group, or some new Singles Bar. I walk in and I see people, they are all a part of the crowd and it’s like I’ve been brain washed and there is this invisible wall between me and everyone else. I want to talk to them, but my mind goes blank and the Holy Spirit never tells me what to say so usually I wind up saying something stupid or embarrassing . Eventually I leave wondering “Why did I even bother coming” So I go home, get drunk, and fall asleep . I just don’t get it. After 18 years of punnishment, I am afraid of women and I have no God given idea how to get a girl friend.