My husband and I just joined the church at Easter and we are expecting our first child and we are very excited to be raising our child in the Catholic faith.
However, some things have been happening to me for the last few months since beginning RCIA classes. Please bear with me.
Over the past few weeks prior to the Vigil, I have has adverse feelings in Mass. It began as dizziness and has now escalated to severe discomfort.
From the moment I enter the church I am dizzy and once the priest begins consecrating the Eucharist I get so nauseous that I fear I will have to leave. I also have a heart condition and it begins to hurt. I stick through it and as soon as the Eucharist touches my tongue it stops instantly.
My husband and I have had two homes plagued with flies. Hundreds of them. I grew up on a farm and I have never seen so many flies in my life. We sprayed them and they left, but when we moved to another home, over 100 miles away, they showed up again.
I remember when I was very young hearing strange whispering voices. I ignored them as I got older.
I have reoccurring violent dreams that I am being scratched and poked and pulled or that I am in dark places.
In February I had the flu and had a very high fever one night. I hallucinated that demons were above my bed scratching me and I can still hear their cackling laugh of mockery. I prayed the Our Father in my head and it immediately stopped.
I have been trying to pray the rosary every evening but I get so out of breath that I have to lay down and I can’t even speak. I have to read it. As soon as I finish the last decade it stops instantly.
At the Vigil I kept hearing voices and thoughts that were not my own saying leave, this is false, they are lying to you. It’s a cult. Just walk away. You don’t ever have to come back. I knew that this wasn’t what I wanted. I have wanted to join the church since I began RCIA classes in October.
I have not had any morning sickness with my pregnancy either.
I am very frightened and am not sure what to do. I feel like I’m living a lie because I go through the day as if nothing is wrong and then I’m being tortured at night or at Mass. I plan on telling my priest at confession on Saturday. Any advice on what this might be?