I always feel bad coming on here asking for prayers for myself…but I live a pretty isolated life, have for years, and don’t really have anyone else to ask, so here it is…
Please pray that God will give me the grace to fully and completely accept my state in life. To forego the comparison game once and for all. To bear burdens patiently and with love…but first, to know the difference between a “burden” and simply lacking a blessing that God has chosen for someone else and not for me. To appreciate every little joy that He has given me without internally tallying it up against others’ joy (which I usually see as greater than mine). To delight in all that He wills for my life, good and bad, big and small, silent and active.
I’m at a point in life that I’ve seen coming for years: my younger family members and friends are zooming ahead of me in earthly terms. Within the past year…one has gotten a dream job and is settling into a great new life in a very nice area. Another has found a partner after years of looking and is already on that serious relationship track of building a life with another person. Yet another has done fantastically career-wise and has now also found a partner. The first two are already talking about purchasing property, something I have come to realize I will never be able to do (I am single and do not earn nearly enough money). I wish I didn’t feel this way but seeing so much go so well so quickly for three other people…my old pride struggles are coming back. I’ve known this day would come for a long, long time…now that it’s here, I’m a little bit stronger against it than I was in my 20s but still know that there will be some hard days coming as I see these people receive even more blessings from God, as they are likely to for the next several years to the rest of all of their lives. Most days, I am able to live in peace and joy, knowing God alone is sufficient…but every once in a while, especially around holiday times where all of the positive “life updates” tend to be revealed at once, I am tempted to despair, even deep despair over all of this.
I feel like I will always be the outcast or the one left behind and whispered about. Rationally, I know I should not care, even if this does happen…as long as I’m with God. But in my human weakness, old wounds re-emerge and I have to fight a little…so please pray for me, and anyone else like me who struggles with strong temptation toward the sin of pride, especially this weekend or during other upcoming family, wedding, or reunion-type events (which can be very difficult for those of us who struggle with this).
On top of all of this…I pray that God will show me how to completely kill all of the “dreams” that I had for my own life…even the ones I do not admit to myself…to let them all die completely and fully in HIM.
And if I am to be the outcast, may God show me how to rejoice in that…with HIM!
Thank you for reading and God Bless.