Pointing out the obvious here in case you need a reminder: He left you for a 20 y.o. because that young thing is going to be much, much easier for him to control than a strong Catholic woman already on to his methods. He is still not interested in having a “healthy” marriage / relationship. Your pain comes from the fact that you meant your promise on your wedding day, and spent a lot of energy trying to make the relationship work the way it was intended to, and it is painful to know all that effort was not appreciated (and even rejected) by the person you had vowed yourself to in partnership.
Continuing on to more my particular situation:
Now that its 17 months since she left, the amount that the kids and I have blossomed without having to deal with my ex-wife’s behavior 24/7, combined with her persistence in trying to maintain her old control patterns however she can even after the divorce was finalized, is such that there is now no way I would consider reuniting. It still hurts, I’m nowhere near wanting to date again, but even though I’ve known there was nothing else I could have done, even tohugh I was teh one that filed and eventually pushed to finalize, I have only recently started to really accept that the marraige is over, that it really never had a chance, and that ther wasn’t any real hope of my ex-wife deciding to make a major change in course. I have benefited from contining to apply the changes I undertook trying to hold the marraige together in how I deal with people in general, and I sleep well knowing that I literally did everything I could to try to preserve the marraige while trying to insulate the kids from the troubles.
I started the nullity process in December, my witnesses just got their questionnares. My preayer request would be for those people, that they would be fully honest and complete in thier descriptions of both of us as they write out thier responses.