Pre marital sex


how do you let someone know gently that pre marital sex is not allowed but not hurt their feelings?

I have a friend who is a great gal with all the right beliefs except in this regard. She told me once that when she went out, she would have sex with them when she got close to them as she was not a PRUDE!! She is an older lady so I dont want to come across as judgemental and I know society today somehow views it as a prerequisite…

I did not know how to respond…:frowning:


This is a difficult issue to deal with and it depends on what kind of relationship you have with the person. If it is a friend you know very well, then you can let them know about many of the dangers, including the STDs, the emotional effects, divorce rate, etc. If it is someone you don’t know very well, then it might not be a good idea to engage in a conversation about premarital sex without seeming arrogant and overbearing. Here is a website which can help you with some of the reasons that it is not a good idea:

The best thing to do is to stick to your beliefs and try to help others. Good luck



If it’s an older lady, however, she no doubt knows all of this and has most likely even experienced some of it. Sadly, I think people have adjusted so much to sex outside of marriage being ‘the norm’ and condoms being the answer to std’s, that telling them these things is almost more likely to bring ridicule on your head than give them any real understanding. :frowning:


yes… she knows about all these things as she asks her boyfriends to first get tested before having sex… but she has recently started going to church again and i do believe that there are a lot of positive things happening in her life becos of that. I just wish that she would realise that this behaviour is not appropriate.
I am probably the only one in the entire friend circle who thinks it is inappropriate.


Is she Catholic? If she is, then you can try to naturally work some things into your conversations (depending on how close you are to her). For example:

You: “You know, I’ve been Catholic for “x” number of years and I always knew sex outside of marriage was wrong, but I never knew why. I just read a great book that finally explained it to me! It feels so good to know the reason behind the teachings and to be assured that the Church isn’t trying to stick it’s nose into my bedroom but really has my best interests in mind”.

Sorry, lol, i guess that wasn’t so “natural”:o , but you get the point…

If she is not Catholic, you could take the same approach but it wouldn’t lead to the same place.

None of my friends are faithful to any religion and neither is my family (parents, sister, grandparents, aunts/uncles etc) so I constantly feel the pressure of being the Catholic “example” and I fear that if I mess up there will be a round of “I told you sos”… it is tough. I find it hard to explain my faith and all of the “rules” without sounding condescending or arrogant. I try to ask the Holy Spirit to help me when I need to speak up about my faith.



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