My fiance and I recently got engaged, We have been dating for 3years and due to my our income and living arrangements we need to be married at the latest by the end of January. If we are not married by January then we either we both have to sign leases again and not be wed for another year, which we can’t afford as I am not working currently, just doing my Masters, or we have to live together which we do not want to do until we are married.
We thought 3 months would be fine to plan a wedding but then I read that the Church requires six months of pre-cana before marriage. As I explained, this isn’t possible, and I am Catholic, my fiance is not but has known from day one that I am and our children would be raised Catholic so he too was expecting to be wed in a Catholic Church. He doesn’t mind getting married in another church, I do!!!
I am currently in the RCIA for my confirmation and I am wondering if there is a way to ‘fast track’ the pre-cana program or if it is fixed? Any suggestions would really help!
I sympathize with you as my wedding is in 3 weeks and I’m juggling much of the same matters as you noted.
It is important to understand why the Church requires couples to notify their pastor at least 6 months prior to their planned wedding date. The Church wants couples to take their time in their decisions and not to rush anything. Further, the Church wants to ensure you have the proper discernment to marry as well as be free to marry. Pre-Cana isn’t just something to do. It’s a critical part of training to help you understand the reasons (and not just the feelings) you must consider in a marriage.
Note that I said “marriage.” The wedding is just a day. The fortunes of your life will change if you don’t take time in the days before the wedding to plan for the life to come as a married couple.
There’s also the matter that you are attempting to “leap-frog” over other couples who have taken the time to go through the process correctly.
I really appreciate the issues in joining two households, but you will find that there are more alternatives to lease adjustments than what the Church will offer to you to “fast-track” your wedding. I’ve made my lease month-to-month or less than a year to accommodate a home buy and because my wedding and lease begin and end at the same time, respectively. I’m sure you might find a similar accommodation with your place or your spouse’s current home.
You can marry in a simple ceremony with only the pastor, or have a nuptial mass (as I am having). Obviously the ceremony with a pastor might save time if the pastor allows you to marry more quickly–and keeps you from jumping the line for Saturdays to wed.
But, in my opinion, by getting such an exception to speed things up, you may find yourself in bigger trouble by not taking the time to know that your spouse-to-be is truly the one. In this case, you’re only speeding up the time until your marriage has serious issues.
have you spoken to the priest? that should always be your first stop because that drives the rest of the schedule, including setting the date the church is free for your wedding. We try to coordinate RCIA with marriage prep.
the date for Confirmation will be set by the bishop so you may not be confirmed by that time, but again your priest is the one to ask about that, it is not necessarily a problem.
There is time to complete the preparation if you start now but you have to allow for the fact that meetings, classes, retreats etc have to be scheduled, and this is the summer break in many places. Make an appointment with the priest immediately after the holiday.