Pregnant again?! Ideas needed for faith-provoking responses


#1

We have a beloved family member who is expecting, and she is alarmed at how many eyebrows are raised when they comment that she is carrying "No. 4." Although she thinks of innumerable responses, she is reaching a point now where she thinks that outlandish comments or questions might provide her a great evangelistic opportunity to return, in charity, thought-provoking answers about the faith and/or life. Perhaps several different short comments that she could have at hand would be helpful, to just be able to plant a seed of an idea about pro-life attitudes or the faith or families, because there are so many times daily that she is given unsolicited (sometimes outlandish) comments or asked well-meaning but sometimes silly questions.

Don't worry about providing the entertaining or snarky comments. She has thought of most of those already and even some cheeky ones, and she is now, after prayerfully reconsidering, planning not to waste the rest of her pregnancy on those types of responses. They don't stop the revealing (of lack of understanding of the beauty of life and expanding families) and sometimes rude comments anyway. Any ideas would be appreciated.


#2

[quote="kvw, post:1, topic:246327"]
We have a beloved family member who is expecting, and she is alarmed at how many eyebrows are raised when they comment that she is carrying "No. 4." Although she thinks of innumerable responses, she is reaching a point now where she thinks that outlandish comments or questions might provide her a great evangelistic opportunity to return, in charity, thought-provoking answers about the faith and/or life. Perhaps several different short comments that she could have at hand would be helpful, to just be able to plant a seed of an idea about pro-life attitudes or the faith or families, because there are so many times daily that she is given unsolicited (sometimes outlandish) comments or asked well-meaning but sometimes silly questions.

Don't worry about providing the entertaining or snarky comments. She has thought of most of those already and even some cheeky ones, and she is now, after prayerfully reconsidering, planning not to waste the rest of her pregnancy on those types of responses. They don't stop the revealing (of lack of understanding of the beauty of life and expanding families) and sometimes rude comments anyway. Any ideas would be appreciated.

[/quote]

I am a man and this is a thought provoking challenge.
Pardon me if some are silly or in bad english for I am foreigner.
Take any for any is good enough:

  1. Needed: one bother for a boy, a sister for a girl, a fourth sister for the triangle;
  2. they will form a band!
  3. a Chorus band
  4. a rock and roll band:
  5. half a sports' team
  6. I reached a half of the desired number, or 40%.
  7. the older will educate the youngsters.
  8. they will have always company 9.they will help each other
  9. the house will never be empty;
  10. where 2 or 3 are, I will be with you: the Lord Jesus will always be with us.
  11. Still 8 to be the 12 disciples.

cheers, :thumbsup:


#3

we are expecting and are simply thrilled God has blessed us this way.

should be a conversation stopper.


#4

We're expecting #5 and the immediate reaction is "are you crazy?" Even though we are not a "large" family, having more than 2 children usually turns heads. To us, we can evangelize by our family just being present in the world.

Remember St. Francis is quoated as saying "Preach the Gospel always and if necesssary, use words."

Blessings upon you and your family member.


#5

[quote="puzzleannie, post:3, topic:246327"]
we are expecting and are simply thrilled God has blessed us this way.

should be a conversation stopper.

[/quote]

I agree!!! She is so lucky!!! Sending my love!


#6

http://images9.cpcache.com/product/water-sports-religion/87588769v4_225x225_Front.jpg


#7

I'm planning to say "My husband and I always wanted a large family and we are so happy to be blessed with one." I'll also try to work in how unhappy I was just having one brother (who made me feel like an only child once he stopped playing with me because he discovered video games!) and how happy my mom was to be one of 7. Throughout their whole lives, they've always been there for each other. I truly think siblings are the best gift you can give to a child after the gift of being raised in the faith.

[quote="smichhertz, post:6, topic:246327"]
http://images9.cpcache.com/product/water-sports-religion/87588769v4_225x225_Front.jpg

[/quote]

I love it! :rotfl:


#8

It is hard to have a nice response to such a thoughtless comment as "Pregnant again?" It's a rude comment to make.

I like the Miss Manners tack of looking puzzled when someone says something like that. As in, "Again? People sound so surprised at that, I can't get over it. You'd think they don't know how wonderful it is to have children!"

Mostly, whatever you answer, let it be something your children will remember fondly. They are probably the only ones who'll have any long-term memory of these exchanges.


#9

On second thought, I appreciate the witty/funny replies as well as your other suggestions and well wishes. Some people respond really well to humor. Thanks.


#10

[quote="idrum677, post:4, topic:246327"]
We're expecting #5 and the immediate reaction is "are you crazy?"

[/quote]

Hi Idrum,

I got this precise one, also with number five. I just said, "sometimes you have to be a little crazy in life". The point being that accepting and meeting challenges is a big part of living well.

God Bless,
Joan


#11

[quote="EasterJoy, post:8, topic:246327"]

Mostly, whatever you answer, let it be something your children will remember fondly. They are probably the only ones who'll have any long-term memory of these exchanges.

[/quote]

That is probably the best advice I've seen on this subject!

Now for a confession... those words come out of my mouth almost without thinking. And it isn't because I don't know that kids are a blessing. It's not that I don't realize that many couples want to have larger families... it's the WORK and stress. It's easier to take for some than others.

Now we must understand that our culture has bought into the idea that the world has too many people. It's taught in our schools! Gone are the days that Fertility is considered a blessing by most... not sure why, IVF is such a big business! Not all people may say something like this to imply something nasty about it.

We've got three and I'm at my wit's end some days. God Bless you for sure! So the only thing I can think of that incorporates the concept of blessing and children into such a brief conversation might be something along the lines of "What's your sleep number?"

"Pregnant again?"
"Yes! My blessing number is y children plus 1 loving, hardworking husband plus the loving Grace of God, that would be X. What is your blessing number?"
"ah... 1... I mean two if you include my husband."
"Great for you! I hope God continues to bless you!"

If they don't walk off thinking you are just a crazy right wing lady, you might make some headway in a God centered conversation. If they do, they might think twice before wanting to say it to someone else. Either way, it would make the world a better place.


#12

I don't think responses ever need to be snarky, but it's certainly okay to be funny...

I'm also pregnant with #4 and I've gotten lots of remarks and I always try to respond with a big smile and just say, "You know, I like to maintain an nice steady level of insanity." :D... and honestly, people usually smile and mention something about being jealous or wishing they could handle it themselves... to which I normally respond with, "Well, they aren't always babies - they get easier and help out as the older ones grow up - you could do it!" ;)

I honestly try to stay away from phrases like "blessings" because far too often you may unknowingly be dealing with those suffering from infertility or other underlying issues that may be preventing them from having another desired child.

Sometimes rude comments are defense mechanisms for those who are suffering in some way... :o

Just my thoughts... :)


#13

Thank you so much for this thread! We are TTC #4 (as in, not trying to prevent it!) and people keep telling us we’re crazy (our three are 3, almost 2, and 8 months). Sure it’s a lot of work now, but we feel incredibly blessed. Love the nursing home vs boat pic!


#14

Well, I do run into people who are down right mean, but those types are less than the amazed and the curious. The kind ones are the people who simply say "wow" "your hands are full," "how do you do it," etc. I just simply say we love it, and let them know how excited my kids are for a new baby brother or sister. The mean people don't usually stick around for a conversation. They simply like to say their "OMG's" and pass along with a harumph. I did have one man tell me to stop having kids, and when I made a light hearted comment about loving the kids , he said "NO! Seriously, STOP having kids." I just let him keep walking. My kids did not need to see me act as ugly as he was.

I do have a fun one for the sassy who used to mention birth control to us. I'd just simply say, "I thought that was for ugly people!?!" in a perplexed way. :) I don't get to say it anymore. I think people think I'm a lost cause. :D :p


#15

I've heard it all. :(

But, the best response I heard from another family is one I've adopted. I was talking to a dad of six when we had just had our fifth. I commented on large families and he said,

"Yes, we love kids!"

The dad that answered that way said it with so much warmth and conviction, I was rendered speechless. I decided that I would answer the same way with as much open honesty as I could.

Stranger's comments usually just irritate me, but family comments have the potential to deeply wound me. And, of course, there's my husband's family that believes if you can't say something nice, say nothing. So, they haven't remarked on the last four babies even to inquire about a due date. That hurts.

oh well, it's a sweet persecution. :)


#16

I knew I was on the right track when I was stopped at a crosswalk with my kids in the back seat of our car and we saw a woman crossing with four kids, all of whom were under five years old. We only have the two boys, but one of them saw this and piped up in wonderment: “Look at all those kids! That is one lucky mom!!

I think you’re on the right track. A good way to recover might be: “Wow, I need to take lessons from you. I’m lucky to have these three, but sometimes I do get overwhelmed. Way to go!! You go!!”


#17

[BIBLEDRB]Acts 5:40-41[/BIBLEDRB]

Just as an added thought: this is how the Apostles reacted to persecution. They rejoiced and saw it as a great honor! Perhaps if we adapted this attitude to being persecuted for following Christ, we will begin to have a different outlook on it.


#18

I think a great, simple response to "you're pregnant again?!" would be "Yes! Isn't it wonderful?"

When aa acquaintance of mine was pregnant with her 6th, I knew she would get a lot of negative comments, so I called her up to say congratulations. I said, "no wonder you're having another, your others are such great kids.". She told me after the baby came that she was scared at the beginning of her pregnancy, they hadn't planned on another, and that my call really made a difference and was a great encouragement to her. :).

My point? We should all try to go out of purr way to be encouraging to parents of larger families. One sweet comment can cancel out a bunch of nasty ones!


#19

[quote="StJudePray4Me, post:18, topic:246327"]
I think a great, simple response to "you're pregnant again?!" would be "Yes! Isn't it wonderful?"

When aa acquaintance of mine was pregnant with her 6th, I knew she would get a lot of negative comments, so I called her up to say congratulations. I said, "no wonder you're having another, your others are such great kids.". She told me after the baby came that she was scared at the beginning of her pregnancy, they hadn't planned on another, and that my call really made a difference and was a great encouragement to her. :).

My point? We should all try to go out of purr way to be encouraging to parents of larger families. One sweet comment can cancel out a bunch of nasty ones!

[/quote]

I always tell my homeschool friends before I tell my family. The enthusiastic "congrats!" help give me strength.


#20

[quote="puzzleannie, post:3, topic:246327"]
we are expecting and are simply thrilled God has blessed us this way.

should be a conversation stopper.

[/quote]

Oh! I see! I will think it over.


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