Pregnant and despondent?


#1

Hi everyone,
I have a strange question I think. I inherited a sort of , not negative, but half empty despondent default demeanor. I’m introverted but one of those introverts who in a social setting you couldn’t tell because I’m not socially awkward but I prefer solitude most times. My job is soul crushing but I try to make myself look very busy (i can’t leave or transfer) and I read the Psalms or listen to Catholic podcasts. My children are older teens and keep to themselves mostly no matter how I try to engage.
I think I’m feeling a bit sorrowful in this season when I should be happy that at 42 I’m expecting a baby. Thee is fear but mostly I’m a bit sad because God is giving me peace (which I recognize as a great gift) but no joy.
I have not said the Rosary in a while, I feel almost physically incapable (enemy attack?) but I’ve started to pray every night and thank God for all of my blessings. I want Him to know I am grateful . I thanked Him for the peace He gave me peace but no JOY. Trust me I know joy is not that superficial fleeting feeling but I wonder why my soul has longed and craved for the “Joy of the Lord” but my natural inclination (my mothers genes?) is that I’m not a naturally joyful person like my mother in law for example. I love God and believe in Him and try to live for Him so why must I always feel so despondent, al mostly looking forward to eternity, just for joy.
Thank you for lending an ear, I know it’s kind of all over the place. The funny thing is my son (I was telling him the story of Chiara and saying “I wish I could have her joy in my time of trial” and he said “you’re always joyful mom”. It surprised me his confidence in saying that but that’s just moms best face.


#2

Since you are already thanking God everyday anyway, why not keep a notebook or something and make a routine of thanking him daily. It gives you something to look forward to.

It is nice that your son sees you as joyful! You know what they say, “fake it til you make it.” Never compare yourself to people that are in different “seasons” of their life to your own life. It’s not the same.

Joy is wonderful. I guess. :flushed: Honestly, I have had happy moments in my life, but I have not found the elusive Joy yet. But we can live perfectly fine lives with happiness if that’s all we have.

Be at peace with yourself. God loves you just the way you are. May he shower you and your baby with blessings. :slightly_smiling_face:


#3

Thank you so so much!:heart:️ and may God bless you for your kindness. I will always remember to pray my gratitude even though I know He knows. I think of women having to give birth in prison, or carrying a child just to give it away, or parents just not able to feed their children. Every time those thoughts occur I must push them aside because I could fall into despair. The bible says the days are evil. Ironically sometimes I’ll go on youtube to watch Bishop barron or a family and I come across (yes I watch the beginnings sometimes) such superficial young and old women, all with the same fake chipper “Hi welcome back to my channel, today we’re talking about lipstick!” and I judge them as shallow, vain and clueless as to how they are spending their lives! Like how could they put on 10 pounds of makeup to post a video on makeup when people in the world have real problems! If this sounds nuts I know, I just feel very distant from this world. I Thise women shouldn’t upset me but strangely they do. I ask God to forgive me there too. Anyway, I’m rambling I think I bump into those when I open the home page. Thank God for the times of happiness here in exile, no small grace but I pray God forgive me for envying those people who love the Lord and are joyful in spirit. I don’t think I envy the ones who seem super joyful without the Lord and in love with the world as seen all over real life and (ie.) youtube because I see them as blind although their “joy” seems authentic and pleasant.


#4

For you. I hope it lifts you up as much as it does me. The words are the same as the hymn “How Great Thou Art” but I find this melody much more uplifting.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NBnJ06HabIg&index=1&list=RDNBnJ06HabIg


#5

Thank you. That is IT! Praise Him during times of joy and also times of sorrow. No matter how we feel we must always praise Him. Thank you for that reminder sweet sister. :heart:


#6

I agree! Beautiful music and lyrics are one of things in life that bring me the greatest feelings of joy, albeit not necessarily long-lived. It’s silly, but I especially love Christmas music. I often listen to it when I feel especially stressed or just “blah”. I think it brings back that wild, unfettered joy I experienced as a child. It’s sad, but I don’t think we grownups can ever fully get that back. I also love being in nature, especially near running water. It’s more of a “peaceful joy”, but something about being out in the air and wind brings me joy.


#7

i really appreciate this. I think listening to Christmas music is a great idea! I may even play it tomorrow, Thanks so much again!!:heart:


#8

I’m not a particularly joyful person either. Really, the one thing that has brought me the most joy has been my son. He wakes up with a smile and is ready to start the day. There’s nothing like a small child to remind you of small wonders. How excited he gets over something simple like bubbles or playing in water. And you’re going to experience this again!

There’s loud, outgoing joy (which I’m not sure I’ve ever experienced) and a more quiet, peaceful joy. Joy doesn’t have to be exuberant. And I don’t think most people feel it all the time, or even most of the time.


#9

Thank you, very much. Every once in a while I recall when I was 14 years old, my mother was reading the Bible to me at the kitchen table. I think it was the book of Revelations but I’m not even sure. I just always remember that immediately afterwards I was on cloud 9 for God. I distinctly remember saying Lord give me anything I will suffer anything for you! Maybe there is a sweet reason the Lord allows me to always remember that season.
I have the worst morning sickness today and I’m someone with ocd so all I can think of are all the things I want to clean at home.
Thank you again, I was just thanking God this morning (I’m trying to remember to pray every morning) for all of my blessings including this baby. I envisioned just how much joy he’ll bring. Then ofcourse I thought of the suffering he’ll bring. (I have teenagers now (lol))


#10

I tend to be sort of a book-recommender which doesn’t actually always help because books will cross our paths on their own time not necessarily when they are recommended to us.

I’m leaning towards some Fulton Sheen for you, but I’m not sure which book yet. I guess it could be a talk instead of a book too.


#11

Thank you. I love Fulton Sheen.


#12

Your hormones may be affecting your mood but it may equally be an evil attack and this is why Rosary is the answer. Your being unable to pray it for some reason and this means the enemy is particularly afraid of what you may do to him by your Rosary. Don’t listen to him. Pray the Rosary! (I wish I was pregnant! You are truly blessed).


#13

Thank you so much. God bless you.


closed #14

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