Pregnant and feeling jealous of my very pretty friend


#1

OK…guys…I know that this is completely stupid, but instead of saying anything to anyone, I’d rather just vent about my stupidy anonymously on CAF :blush:

I am 5 months pregnant; recently noticed varicose veins on the back on my leg and I’m retaining a lot of water. My legs are all dimply and puffy when I sit down; it’s not fat; it’s the darn edema. I have been feeling very unattractive and HATE maternity clothes.

((don’t get me wrong…I’m very thankful to be blessed with another child :thumbsup:))

So my beautiful and attractive girlfriend came over last night. I know that my husband finds her attractive and who wouldn’t…she’s the most beautiful person inside and out. She came back from vacation and showed us her pictures. There were some pictures of her in a bikini while my husband and I were viewing her slide show. She looked amazing in a bikini…she’s never been married, hence no babies; hence a gorgeous tight body :stuck_out_tongue:

I got jealous. Can you believe it??? I got jealous!! What an idiot I am!!!

I know my husband finds her to be a very sweet person and also attractive, but he would never do anything about it. That’s the least of my worries. I also know that she’s very high in moral fiber and would never step over any boundaries.

So my husband drove her home and I felt really jealous about them being alone together. I was being completely irrational. I have been feeling frumpy and fat, but I know my husband thinks I look beautiful. I never ever get jealous; it’s not in my character. I was shocked with myself last night.

I feel really bad about feeling those ugly thoughts because she’s such a sweetheart and a good friend to me. For that reason, I would never say anything nor act on it.

Just thought I’d get this off my chest…:blush:


#2

I wouldn’t be so concerned about it, dose your husband tell you he loves you? does he find you attractive while pregnant? if so believe him.

My wife has had 4 children now and breast fed all of them for at least a year each (until they weaned themselves) and personally, you could verify this if she posted here - heh, I find her more attractive now and especially did when she was pregnant, than when we got married.

In my opinion pregnant mothers are the most beautiful women on Earth!

Joe


#3

*AW! ((HUGS)) I am sorry you’re feeling that way. Vent away to us…we won’t tell. :smiley:

I am trying to think back to how I felt…pregnant. It’s been a long time for me. I don’t think I felt jealous, but I think more of what I felt looking back, was out of control. Like you can’t control the changes in your body, (growing around the waist line lol) so it feels a little disconcerting. When we are jealous, it is actually an offshoot of fear…like you fear losing something. Your husband loves you, and I’m sure finds you to be a beautiful pregnant mama, but you might fear losing his gaze or something…you know he wouldn’t do anything with your beautiful friend, but there is this sense of lack of control going on within you. The devil likes to play with our heads–always remember that! He sees the slightest opening…and he steps right in. Close that opening, give these thoughts to God.

Once you have the baby, and heal …get back into a workout program, and you’ll probably soon feel more in control of your body once again. In the meantime, you have my prayers…

God bless you and I pray for you also to have a healthy pregnancy and birth! :slight_smile: :hug1:*


#4

*Aw, that’s so sweet. :o

Serap–good advice here. :thumbsup:*


#5

that made me cry!!! thanks!

My husband doesn’t always say it, but he shows it in his actions that he thinks I’m beautiful and loves me.


#6

*As a woman, I can attest to this…sometimes, Serap, we’re our own worst critics. :o

Here is something, I hope will cheer you up:

:flowers:*


#7

Thanks Whatevergirl. I knew if I posted this on CAF, I’d get some rational and much needed reassurances.

I met her at church and she’s a very devout sweet Catholic woman who never married, but is completely in love with my daughter and my daughter just loves my friend to death. I met her through prayer and I guess the little red guy doesn’t like it too much.

Hey, how is Florida? Are you more settled now?


#8

Hopefully they were tears of joy because it’s true and I know I’m not the only person who feels this way.

Remember that not only are you carrying a new life (woohoo!) but that your body is doing all kinds of strange hormonal things and even making changes to those things from time to time. Bottom line is that sometimes I’m sure you don’t know if you are hungry or want to go walking? is it time to scream or cry? and in a few more months you will probably be pretty exhausted right?

Some of us dads get that, we aren’t always the best at saying it and sometimes not even showing it - but we definitely understand (to the best of our ability right?) and love and are proud of your sacrifice more than words could ever say!

I believe there is a lot of Grace given throughout pregnancy and motherhood as well, be sure to thank God for those!


#9

*Yes, the little red guy does not like it, for sure! Hang in there, you will turn this corner. Sometimes, we just have those days…you know?

I am doing pretty good in FL these days, actually…thanks for asking. I went to visit my sis…we spent a lot of time walking and talking on the beach…my kids LOVED it in south FL…my son said, other than PA, I could live here. lol I think it showed us that we haven’t been exploring Florida has much as we should…you know? Not that we’re not active, per se…but Florida, the beaches, etc has a lot to offer…so, that opened my eyes a bit. Plus, thinking about the snow…I don’t know, that is definitely a negative to up north living. :o But, time will tell–thanks for asking! :wave: *


#10

*It’s nice to see a man who "gets it.’’ My dh was one such man, although there were times he didn’t get the ‘crying out of nowhere’ spells. :blush:

You could write a book with your insights–you might make some pregnant women very happy!! :D*


#11

Aww it sounds like you have the devil and hormones working against you, almost too much for a mere mortal to take. I think every woman, pregnant or not, can relate to your feelings right now. The fact of the matter is that there will always be someone prettier. Even supermodels get cheated on. Luckily our value as persons does not rest with our outward appearance. When you feel this way, defintely turn it over to God. Your husband probably notices that she is pretty, sure - but if he is a strong Christian man he probably sees her as a sister in Christ above all else, so there is no room in his heart for lust.
The funny part is, this lovely friend of yours might be on a message board somewhere this very moment typing up how awful she feels that she is jealous of her good friend Serap who has been blessed with a loving husband, beautiful daughter and one on the way while she has not yet! So you see, its all about perspective.


#12

:thumbsup::thumbsup:

I feel the same way!

Oh, about my wife, not yours. :o


#13

Yeah, she opened up to me not long ago about how she really wished she had a child. It is all about perspective isn’t it…she had tears in her eyes when telling me. She met me when she felt the lowest about not having a child (my daughter was just turning a year old); my baby girl has been a huge blessing for her as they now have a very close bond and I’d like to ask her to baptize my new baby.

My husband’s not a big Christian per se, but he has very strong family values that would make Christ proud :slight_smile:


#14

Oh, Serap! Please don’t be too hard on yourself. I can totally understand how you are feeling. I’m usually a very self-confident person. But now that I’m 20 weeks pregnant and have, what it looks like to me, a totally humongous belly, no waistline, and slightly larger upper thighs, as well as breakouts that make me look like an adolescent, I’ve been at times pretty down on myself. My husband still thinks I’m beautiful and tells me so practically everyday, but there are many, many days where I just don’t feel physically beautiful at all. I just feel like a fat lump. hahaha! What perks me up is looking at my belly and knowing that I have my little girl in there. So, I talk to her and rub my belly to let her know that I love her and can’t wait to see her. I also remind myself that I won’t look like this forever and am determined to get myself back into shape after she’s born.

I also have a couple very pretty and beautiful friends inside and out and know that my husband admires their beauty. But like your husband, mine only has eyes for me. At the same time, when I feel really fatty and ugly, I get this irrational thought that my husband won’t feel as attracted to me. As someone else mentioned, I think it is definitely the hormones working on us pregnant women. :slight_smile:

:hug1:


#15

This is one of my wife’s and mine favorite songs.
youtube.com/watch?v=ONd4GlcmmAE

Enjoy.


#16

:hug1: Serap,

I was terribly irrational during my pregnany. Not generally about my looks but about other things, and then I would feel really guily for feeling the way I did. Like one time, I had a horrible mass experience and I was really upset and I cried after mass, then I felt guilty about having such a terrible experience as mass (like it was my fault) and guilty that i has such an unsettled spirit that I cried harder.
Needless to say my DH was distressed enough by my crying that we never went back to that church. :o

Its the hormons I tell you. :thumbsup: prayers and hugs for you and your little one and your family.


#17

:yup:


#18

Pregnant tummies are rather cute, actually. It’s not at all comparable to gross obesity. :stuck_out_tongue: Like someone else said, there will always be someone prettier so try not to dwell on it.


#19

I felt better last night. When my hubby saw me, he kissed my belly and then me and told me he loved me (out on a busy street too). DH always seems to know when I need a boost. I don’t even have to say anything. I guess we’re right for eachother.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Sarabande, you made me laugh. We’re delivery sistas!!


#20

Sounds like a great DH to me!

You’re a mama! Be proud!


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.