I sincerely apologize for the long post, and I thank you so very much for reading it. I have deeply and truly loved my fiancee for over 4 1/2 years. I have always wanted the best for her, no matter what or who that may be. I’ve thanked God every day for the chance to know and love her. We were together for over a year back then, but her family strongly disapproved of the relationship because we were really young (18). We tried really, really hard to be respectful and obedient. Family is so very important to us. It seemed worth being patient in order to build a loving relationship. I lost my family when I was very young, and while it’s not the same when you’re marrying into the relationship, it would bring such tremendous joy to my heart to have a mother and a father, and brothers and sisters, who loved and respected me and to whom I could turn for advice.
We stopped seeing each other at her parent’s insistence. It was very painful, and very hard. About 6 months ago we started seeing each other again nearly every day. They have been the best days of our lives, every one of them. We have made every effort to gain her family’s love and respect, and we have done a really great job. They have been so impressed with us, and so happy to see us together. I love her family so much… It has been so rewarding to be involved with the family. We’ve been wanting to get engaged/married for months, but we have put it off and put it off, trying to make things good for her family. We were going to ask her parents before Thanksgiving…
But we fell to temptation a few weeks ago. We went to our priest the very next day. We have been forgiven by God, and we have forgiven each other. Then we found out this week… We’re having a baby! We’re full of joy to be together, and we’re full of joy that God has blessed us with this new life. We feel sorrow for the offense we committed, but only joy for our baby.
We went straight to her parents after we found out. We felt that deception would only hurt more in the long run. It felt dishonest to not tell them, and even more dishonest to ask for their blessing to marry without telling them. It didn’t go as hoped… They were very angry, hurt, betrayed… I can understand that, and I couldn’t presume to know what I would do in their shoes. They want us to get married quietly… In the next week or two… They don’t want to be there, they don’t want family there. They say we’ve lost the joy of our new baby, that we’ve lost the joy of our wedding. That she doesn’t deserve a “real” wedding, that we should just go get the sacrament with a couple of witnesses.
I REALLY do not feel good about all this. We have worked closely with a few priests for a long time, and they would know the sincerity of our commitment. We probably stand a decent chance of getting one of them to make an exception to the normal rules and marry us sooner. We are committed, we do love each other. We have worked through some really hard times together so smoothly. We would feel confident if we were getting married tomorrow. The idea that I reject is that our wedding shouldn’t be joyful. And that our baby shouldn’t be joyful. I reject that our family (hers is mine now, for better or worse) shouldn’t be there. I reject that she shouldn’t have flowers. I reject that she can’t have her sister there as maid of honor. I reject that she can’t have a small reception to celebrate. I reject that she can’t have a baby shower down the road with her friends and family. We’re not famous, our wedding isn’t going on magazine covers, and all we ever wanted was a small family wedding. I don’t believe that should be gone.
I really feel that if it had gotten out that we slipped up, but weren’t having a baby, all it would be is some smirks/groans/eye rolling, maybe even a chuckle here or there, and a talk or two. I really feel that this is the same sin, as serious as it is, and as serious as the consequences turned out. We know this will be really, really hard. We know that it’ll put extra pressure on our relationship. But we were planning to be married in 7 months and have babies together right away. It doesn’t seem like our married life is going to be THAT much harder now than it would’ve been this summer. I know we can be good parents.
Am I looking at this all wrong? Am I being proud? I don’t want to understate the pain we’ve caused… I know we’ve betrayed them. I know it will take a lot of work to regain their trust. But the whole family knows now anyway… And we will be part of the family for the rest of our lives. They want us to marry. Does shoving our wedding in the closet and not celebrating the occasion fix anything? Would it be so very, very wrong if our priest wanted us to wait until the summer? Or even until after the baby is born? My fiancee is terribly upset and wants to stick with her parents’ wishes… I won’t do it. I don’t want our vows to be exchanged alone through tears of pain and anguish. I do love and respect her parents, and I do understand how painful this must be, but I feel that they are very wrong here. Thank you so very, very much for your time and your thoughts. God bless all of you!