Premarital sex and it's implications

Is premarital sex a mortal sin? I am divorced, and have not yet had my marriage annulled in the church. My ex-husband was abusive so the divorce was legitimate. I am with a wonderful man and he gets upset and a little hurt when I bring up abstinence. He figures we have already sinned and we are going to get married so it is ok, but I have guilt over this. I am struggling with some very serious negative influence in my home, possibly a demon. Three blessings by a priest have not gotten rid of it and it has physically attacked me twice. I’m wondering if this sin of fornication is keeping me from getting close enough to God to keep it away. It is terrifying. Any educated thoughts on this? Thank you

Yes. It is grave matter against the six commandment.

Sounds like this “wonderful man” is not so wonderful if he is laying a guilt trip on you about sex. Sounds like a very immature person. Perhaps you are headed down a road of repeating your mistakes. You are divorced from an abusive situation, not free to marry in the Church, should not be dating at all, and yet you have already jumped into a sexual relationship with someone not your husband.

Have you perhaps thought you should not be dating anyone and should instead be focusing on YOU and on getting help to overcome your past abusive relationship an any patterns that you have that may draw you to these types of men?

You need spiritual guidance, go talk to your pastor. These are serious issues you are dealing with. Dating is unwise if that is the case.

Stop having sex with this man, and if he breaks up with you over it-- well there’s your answer: NOT such a “wonderful man”. And frankly, you should be focused on growing in holiness with a man who is EQUALLY committed to chastity, not one who wants to get you in bed, and not even one who will grudgingly forego sex if you insist-- find a REAL MAN, one who puts God first, not his sexual pleasure.

He is actually not giving me the guilt trip, I am putting it on myself. He has agreed to abstain, but admitted that it would be very difficult for him. His words were “I never want to get between you and God, I’m just saying it’s going to be very difficult. If we had never started, it wouldn’t be so difficult” Tell any man that he can no longer have the intimacy that he is used to, and it’s going to be upsetting. I would be upset in the same situation, it is human nature to want that sort of deep intimacy that loving couples have. I’m not saying it’s right or ok, I’m saying that’s the nature of most people. He is not Catholic so he doesn’t understand many Catholic doctrines. He is a wonderful man and I am not repeating any mistakes. I have been divorced for several years, actually, and I do work on my spirituality every day. I say a daily rosary, I read scripture daily, and I pray all day every day. I also attend mass regularly. When I read your statements I felt judged and that is hurtful. I was actually looking for something more supportive. I know what I should do, morally; that is fairly obvious. But I am human and the only one who should be judging me is The Lord.

Also, I do have spiritual guidance. I mentioned that our priest has blessed the house 3 times. We have spoken about this problem many times and he is at a loss for what else to do.

I’m sorry, did you say a demon had attacked you twice? Can you elaborate on how this demon attacked you in your home? :confused:

Then enforce the abstinance and make a commitment to be in a chaste relationship. If he really isn’t trying to lay on a guilt trip, he will not make an issue of this. IF you are both concerned for the well-being of each other’s immortal souls, it will be worth the hardship for you both.

He is not Catholic so he doesn’t understand many Catholic doctrines.

Now is a good time to get him acquainted. :slight_smile:

When I read your statements I felt judged and that is hurtful. I was actually looking for something more supportive. I know what I should do, morally; that is fairly obvious. But I am human and the only one who should be judging me is The Lord.

1ke is not judging you, she is offering very helpful insight out of concern for your eternal life, without regard to “human respect”. That’s what we are supposed to do for each other…help guide each other FROM sin and TOWARD God (in part, by telling it like it is when asked). Pre-marital sex is grave matter. Grave matter puts SIN in between us and God. You won’t be able to fight this demon you mentioned while you are putting something between you and God…it simply won’t work. I have experienced my own battle with evil, very VERY similar to what you describe (the possible demon attack, I mean). You must first make a firm purpose to ammend your life (stop the pre-marital sex), put effort into avoiding the sin, even if it means temporarily distancing yourself from your man and only being together in the company of others. You will not be able to engage in spiritaul warfare, without losing, if you are consciously choosing to sin.


ETA: As an afterthought, is your boyfriend baptized? Is he Christian at all? You may need to consider teh fact that HE may be the source of this evil you are experienceing, even if unintentionally so. My similar experience began with a close friend who was not a Christian and never Baptized…and he was the most “wonderful” friend I had in those days. “Wonderful” has got nothing to do with it when the rubber meets the road here.

Yes it is a mortal sin to have sex with him outside of marriage. Also if you marry him without getting an annulment then that is another sin. I don’t want to sound like the bad guy here I am telling you this out of love. This demon if it is one will be there until you repent of the sins you or your boyfriend have committed. I encourage you not to have sex and to get an annulment and if your boyfriend can’t wait he isn’t meant for you. This is something I now from watching many people marriages go down the drain. Sorry if this sounds negative but this is the truth I am afraid

I have felt the evil in my home since my husband was there. He was obsessive and abusive and very overpowering. After he left it seemed better, except for the fact that I felt someone was trying to tell me to jump off a tall bridge into icy water. I would never do that, but I stood on the bridge thinking about it for a long time. Things got worse once I got over my depression and made a concerted effort to become closer to God. My kids were seeing shadows and beings, so we had the house blessed. Then I began to feel his evil presence lurking over me. It felt like it wanted to hurt me. Then I put up some crucifixes and it threw one across the room. I didn’t see it, but I heard it hit the floor and it was across the room from where I put it. That night I was attacked. I could not speak and I could see nothing when I opened my eyes, but I could feel something happening. It took my breath away and I could not think straight. I felt a fluttering by my mouth. As strange as it sounds, it felt like there was a battle going on in the room. I say the prayer to St. Michael daily so it seemed plausible that he was defending me. This lasted for hours but by 1:00 or 2:00 it was peaceful. Things seemed better for awhile, but I was scared out of my mind. The second one was recent, about 3 months after the first. It just felt like…an adrenaline rush. I felt calm, but my body was in some sort of stress mode. I became very very frightened because I knew what it was, and my heart just kept beating so fast, like a fight or flight thing. I could not pray normally, I could only say the Our Father and other catholic prayers that I have memorized. I am now listing my house for sale so I can move, since it feels like this demon is confined to one part of my house and will hopefully not follow me.

Sorry you feel judged but that is not out intention. It is hard to be supportive when there is a demon involved but here is my advice abstain from sex, go to confession as many times as you can. Seek an annulment of your marriage a divorce means nothing in the eyes of the Church. It just means you are separated but still married.

Anyway I will keep you in my prayers and also you might want to pray to Saint Michael and Joan of arc

Just a side note to this discussion, divorce is never “legitimate.” If a spouse is abusive, separating (i.e. not living together) is legitimate, but divorce is nether legitimate nor possible. Further, abuse is not grounds for an annulment. An annulment only determines whether a marriage is valid or invalid at the moment it was entered into. Later cheating or abuse cannot invalidate a valid marriage - although it may be grounds for permanent separation. Of course, permanent separation would not allow remarriage because you would still be married to your first husband (although not living with him) and you cannot be married to more than one person at a time.

Lastly, mortal sin is the only thing that can keep us away from God. Your intuition that fornication might be keeping you away from God and opening you to negative spiritual influences (or even demonic attacks) is right on.

Advice. Repent and sin no more (hard as that is to do). And go to confession (something we all need to do).

I’ll pray to Our Blessed Virgin Mother for you. God bless.

The demon will follow you. It always does the demon wants to take you and your children to hell. Don’t be afraid though you have the Christ in your side and sometimes it takes a long time to cast a demon out of a house.

You sound like someone who knows the answer, but doesn’t want to hear it.

Perhaps I have made it sound like prior to now I have lived a sin-free life, but in reality, this is the closest I have ever been to God. The more I make efforts to be closer to God, the more this demon seems interested in lambasting me. I think it has been around for years, but only started trying to hurt me when I began being much more prayerful, going to mass, praying the rosary every day, etc.

Remember to say things with love ok

This is good vey good :D. Padre Pio once said that if a demon is trying to attack you that you are winning :). Continue what you are doing and like I said seek an annulment it is the best path for you. Maybe ask the priest to give you some holy water:shrug:

Well yes, I suppose that is true.

It sounds to me like the demon is attacking you more and more as you get closer to God because Satan and the demons don’t want us to be close to God. It sounds like its basically trying to harass you into quit getting close to God.

That said, you definitely need to keep getting close to God. Also, you do need to live be abstinent and you should not cohabit with this man. I’m not sure if you are with this man or not but if you are, that should stop as cohabitation is gravely sinful. Since your marriage to your husband was presumably valid (only an annulment tribunal can determine whether or not it was an invalid marriage) you need to live as though you were still married as regards other men. If your marriage was a valid marriage then you are still married in God’s eyes.

Also, if you haven’t gone to Confession and you are in a state of mortal sin (which is not for me to judge) then you really need to examine your conscience and make a good Confession and firmly resolve to not sin again.

Please don’t get me wrong, I am not judging you. I am only telling you these things out of Christian love. I want to help you. May God bless you and may peace be with you.

4 ways pre-marital sex is harmful

This is, quite simply, not true. Civil divorce is possible, it can be tolerated in situations of abuse. See the Catechism and canon law.

It is true however that the marriage might be found valid, so it is premature to be making marriage plans when one has not received a declaration of nullity.

I’m sorry if you are feeling judged, I don’t believe that is anyone’s intention here. I was trying to point out things for you to think about-- about perhaps you jumping into a sexual relationship with unresolved marriage issues and a pending decree of nullity may not bode well for a future with this man.

He is not Catholic, another issue. If you are trying to get closer to God, marrying a man (if you get a decree of nullity) who is not practicing the faith seems an odd way to do it.

All I can say on the boyfriend front is take your time. Talk to your pastor every step of the way. And definitely deal with your spiritual oppression issues first before ANYTHING else.

St. Benedict pray for us!

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