I’m new to the community but I’ve been lurking for a bit, it seems. Lately, I’ve been reading this post and I’m currently up to page 7…
Anyway, I seem to have encountered a moral dilemma. I gave up my virginity at age 18 to a man (boy?) I intended to marry. I’d always rationalized it as “We love each other, we’re going to get married, God will forgive us if we make it right in the end”. Well… 5 years later, I’m no longer engaged to this man, but now I’m with a new boyfriend. I didn’t think much about this issue and rushed into having premarital sex with this man as well. Now, I’m sitting here, returning to the Church, and trying to figure out what to do.
I realize that I was not right in my rationalization of premarital sex. If I could rationalize it was OK because we were going to get married, why couldn’t I just wait? And if I could end one engagement, who says that this new boyfriend is the one I will end up marrying?
As a result, I’m struggling with the idea of confessing my sin, repenting, and observing complete abstinence. I’ve been bringing it up with my boyfriend for the last month, asking him what if I wanted this, would he be OK with it, etc. His response has been, consistently, that he would try to live a chaste life, but that it would be hard. He says he loves me more than the sex and would be all right waiting until we got married. I’m not worried about him leaving me over this, or even our relationship going downhill. We’ve been friends for 9 years and apparently he’s been wanting to date me for 8 of those years, so I know we have a good chemistry going.
My question, though, is how can I give up premarital sex, repent, and return to a chaste life? In all honesty, I’m not baptized but I am in the process of being baptized and I truly want to join the Church in every official way. So… for now, I can’t confess my sins. In time between now and my baptism, is there a way I can repent on my own? Not entirely, of course… I realize that’s not possible, but at least partially?
And does anyone here have any advice on how to return to a chaste and pure life? How my boyfriend and I can help each other work past the difficult times where we really have to resist sin? And is there any advice I should convey to my boyfriend that would be especially helpful to him?
Thank you all for your time and help with this matter. I look forward to seeing your advice.