My gf and I were having sex for almost a whole year and now we have been abstaining for about two months. But it is the pink elephant of our relationship. It is driving our relationship along the edge of a cliff.
We have been planning on getting married in about 18 months (i have been planning on asking here in late spring or early summer).
The abstinace rule was my idea alone, she said she would give it a chance, but said she didnt know if she could do it but that she would try. I had come to realize that I could not keep having sex and still be with her for much longer, I wouldnt allow myself to keep turning away from God. So we stopped. I am very commited to my Catholic faith so this whole issue have laid very heavy on me for the past 3+ months and I’m sure will for a long time. She is offended that I see her as a regret and she doesnt see what is quite so wrong with what we did. She gets why but she doesnt agree with it. She is not Catholic but she is very seriously considering it (at a Mass recently she said when the Liturgy of the Eucharist was being done, she for the first time began to think that the real presence might not be so crazy after all :extrahappy:). But her faith while growing over the last few years is not that solid, and she was never that religious, she grew up bouncing from assemblies of God, to baptist to 4square churches and has no real faith formation.
I have explained to her that I don’t regret her, that the sex is not inherently evil but rather the timing is wrong. Sex is not a sin, but without marriage maritial relations are a lie and thus sinful. I am trying to explain this better to her right now. She is very hurt right now. I suggested that I might be able to give in once or twice till we are engaged to make the pain less. But I really dont think I could do this and I know its wrong.
I want to live chastely with her, we have only 16to18 months till we get married. (we plan on reserving the church here in may or june!!! around when we get engaged :love:). She wants to not have sex from our engagement till our wedding, which is good, but I know she will be tempted so much, and it will hurt us as a couple.
So I need advice on how to address this pink elephant. I know there is a difference from abstanace and chastity. But how do you live chastely as apposed to just being abstinant. I have heard of a book that I want to get her, its called “Thrill of the Chaste” and is a novel for girls about chastity and how to make it a huge part of your life. But I am looking for ideas on how to help us live chastely, and grow in love, not become distant because of it. I also need to show her that what we did was wrong.
Once we get married I know we will have little issue with this because she likes the idea of NFP and wants 6 or more kids. She is very Catholic when it comes to her approach on kids. Its the last 5 or 6 months till our engagement that are the problem.
So help please.
If you have a question about what I have said, ask by all means.