Premarital Sex - Regret


#1

This poll will not be public so the votes can be anonymous.

But the question is, did you have premarital sex, and do you now regret it or not? (Even if it was with your future spouse)

I ask this, because I see quite a few threads by younger posters discussing sex, and basically wanting an ‘ok’ do go ahead.

And a “just because you did it” doesn’t make it ok. Now, years later, do you wish you should have waited?


#2

I was exposed to sexuality too young (toddler age). As a result I developed a very early interest in sex. By the time I married I had been with between 20-30 partners. I was never in love. I was never seeking intimacey I wanted the release and then the freedom to move out and find another or would remain with the same partner until committment was demanded. But somehow with my wife I was really and truly smitten. She wouldn’t “put out”, she actually dumped a full big gulp type drink in my lap one night to cool my jets. Oh, she was a challenge and I was taken aback to have to suddenly respect the word “No”. She was, is, a good Catholic girl and I am the only man she has ever been with. When we finally married and experienced true love and all the blessings the Lord intended with such intimacy I was and am overcome with regret. Love making was intended for marriage because of the incredible fulfillment that one can find in it when one is free to give totally and unreservedly emotionally. And it is this emotion that I learned as a man that was the missing vital component. Men between 15 and 30 are mostly hormone driven dogs on the prowl and shouldn’t be left unattended with the sheep. They will say and do anything to earn the trust to get the object of their affection and once they have it be off like a shot. Tell her that regardless of what the promise boys will lose respect for ANY girl that “puts out”. It is just the nature of the biological status-quo. Feminists have conviced the media to sell the idea of free sex to women but its the women who usually find themselves left alone in the delivery room while Johnny boy is off trying his lines on another father’s daugther. It is the exeption among boys to find one who may be true gentlemen in control of their hormones but DONT YOU BET ON IT. I am a father of three girls and any boy ringing that door bell is going to have to get passed me and my years of attention to detail in their education at home. And if that fails I am a black belt in taekwondo and an Illinois State Taekwondo champion and an Army trained expert marksman, my girls will demand and have respect. And so should all of our wonderful little Catholic darlings. Watch your girls dads, remember all those thoughts you had as a boy and multiply them because today’s boys have the free porn on the internet and the media convicing them its all right to objectify the image of Mary. Ok, I am venting at this point so I will sign of.


#3

We did not have sex before marriage.

It was VERY difficult, and we had much opposition from his parents, who actually took the position that we should be living together before marriage.

We are very glad we waited. We never had any guilty feelings to connotate or associate with one another, because we behaved with respect for one another’s bodies AND souls.

It was very attractive to me that my husband-to-be put my spiritual well-being at the top of his priority list.


#4

Where’s the option for “No, but I wish I did”?


#5

It’s so sad how much rides on how one is raised. If a person’s parents don’t teach him the value of sex, he’s probably going to wind up having premarital sex, unless he learns elsewhere not to.

I’m so lucky that my parents raised me Catholic; they stressed the importance of saving sex for marriage by threatening to kick me out of the house if I had premarital sex! Well, it sunk in long before then, and I have never had sex, and never will until marriage (and until I know I can do so without lust!).

I’ve talked to so many teenagers who’ve had premarital sex, and almost all of them wind up regretting it. I feel so sorry for most of these people, because in many cases it’s not really their fault :frowning: I give advice occasionally to teenagers in situations like this, and so many young girls are pressured into sex. It also makes me so mad at society; if these kids had heard one chastity talk, been to one abstinence-only class, seen one television program which, instead of glorifying sex, glorified modesty and chastity, or had any sort of parenting in this area, they probably never would have done what they did.

I pray to God for all of these people on a regular basis :gopray2:


#6

I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they waited and wished they hadn’t.

Scott


#7

No regrets whatsoever.
God gave us each other so that we would not be alone :thumbsup:


#8

Count me ignorant, but I’m just wondering - If you don’t regret (feel sorry for) the sin, how can it be forgiven?


#9

[quote=Steve Andersen]No regrets whatsoever.
God gave us each other so that we would not be alone :thumbsup:
[/quote]

I hate to blast you here, but that’s an ignorant statement (I’m presupposing that you are one of the posters who had premarital sex and don’t regret it. If I misunderstood the post, I appologize).

Take a look at the long and slippery slope that premarital sex starts.

First: It’s a selfish act. I fail to see how two unmarried people can give of themselves fully and completely. Only those that have committed themselves before God to love and honor each other for the rest of their lives can truly understand and enjoy the fruits of conjugal love.

Second: Because premarital sex is a selfish act, the participants want to be “responsible” to ensure that pregnancy is not a result of this act. Therefore, the creation of life is thought of as a burden.

Third: Since no contaception is 100% effective, the possibility of a pregnancy is real. If the couple has already decided that a pregnancy would be a burden, this opens up the door to abortion- removing the unwanted pregnancy.

So you see, what is perceived as harmless sex, can quickly turn into infanticide. It is due to the selfish nature of the act that cheapens and degrades one of God’s greatest gifts.


#10

the regrets may not come until much later, and often stem from the contracepting mentality that must by definition accompany acceptance of premarital sex. for one thing it virtually guarantees you will contracept during marriage, which is a proven destroyer of true marital initimacy. when in later years sex is no longer probably (or even possible) you find out there never was another basis for your relationship, and you realize you have been used and have no value to your partner other than as a sex object, you will realize and face up to the damage.

prescription for marital failure proven by every study: premarital sex and contraception after marriage


#11

I would like to know why so many people say that
they had premarital sex, but wish they had not.

As another poster noted that being raised Catholic,
they would have been kicked out of the house. But,
other than saying the Church’s stance is chastity.
Why is it?

I’ve read several books that promote becoming
chaste in a relationship if not already, but there
were no explainations on why. So, I ask those
that now say they would be chase, “Why?”


#12

There could be a large number of converts in that category. People who were not brought up in the faith, that now wished they had had the faith when younger, to make better decisions.

It’s often a hindsight is 20/20 thing.


#13

This is a good argument. Numbers two and three are
not always present. For example, in an older couple
that have no physical chance of conceiving.


#14

Although I don’t regret my experiences as a 20-something rebel, since they led me to where I am, I REALLY wish I had not had pre-marital sex for the sake of the my husband. He is my life, and I wish I could have given him my whole self, from the beginning. It’s also odd knowing that other women “knew” my husband in a way that only I do now. BUT - try telling that to me years ago! And I was raised Protestant, but my family sort of encouraged my relationship with guy, though we were not married. I was not as spiritual as I am now, and I was highly stubborn. so although I “knew” I wasn’t supposed to have premarital sex, it didn’t seem that big of a threat at the time.

And as far as having/not having regrets go… We feel sorry, we confess, we repent, we move on. I do not “regret” any part of my life, since it has brought me to where I am, a Catholic, a wonderful husband and three wonderful children. I would not redo my life, but stay right where I am - free of my past sins, and hope for the best on my judgement day!


#15

[quote=goldenautumnday]This is a good argument. Numbers two and three are
not always present. For example, in an older couple
that have no physical chance of conceiving.
[/quote]

Granted, not all couples are physically able to conceive, but the contraceptive mentality may still there. I think the real core of the problem is the selfishness of premarital sex.

I am one who regrets not saving myself for my wife. I know my wife feels the same way. We both were sexually active when we met, and we co-habitated for about a 1 1/2 years prior to getting married. Because of our selfish experiences, we were obviously a contracepting couple even after we were married.

Long story short, because of our selfishness, our sex life was starting to become unfullfilling. Our propensity to ‘experiment’ was becoming pretty frequent, and I, personally, was becoming addicted to Pornography. It was only through the grace of our Lord, that I reverted to my Catholic upbringing, my wife converted and we began to practice NFP. It’s amazing what that did for us.

As you can see, the slope does not necessarily lead to abortion. Depravity and perverse sexual appetites are fueled by the selfishness that is found in pre marital sex. A simple view of the culture around us and the way it constantly bombards and titlates sexual images is aperfect example


#16

My wife and I had premarital sex, got pregnent, got married then contracepted (actually sterlization) and ended up in divorce court. We reconciled, I converted to the faith, she re-verted, we stopped contracepting (I got un-fixed) and now we have 11 children. Today I look back and regret most of the things I said and did from the age of 16 until my conversion, most all of it was sinful or selfish, in fact most of it was both! I was a worldly heathen and was out for pleasure at all costs. Only years later after the Lord reeled me in from my self imposed darkness did I see how I had abused his wonderful gift of marital love for my un-holy desires. It was a realization that still brings me intense shame and regret to this day.


#17

[quote=Scott Waddell]I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they waited and wished they hadn’t.
[/quote]

I haven’t either, but without that option in the poll, we may never know! :slight_smile:


#18

I wish I’d had good self esteem and valued myself as a child because then I think my own value system would have been different. I DO have regrets now because NOW I understand God’s will for our happiness does not include flagrant sexual activity!


#19

[quote=Scott Waddell]I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say they waited and wished they hadn’t.

Scott
[/quote]

I have heard people say this. I know people who are married to people who aren’t interested in sex or who can’t perform sexually and they wished they had not waited. Then they would know about this problem before marriage.


#20

It is very interesting to me that 66% of the people who replied to this poll have had premarital sex. Oh, but most of them are so sorry. Sure, you all got your groove on and now you expect this generation to straighten up and fly right. It sounds quite hypocritical to me.


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