Premarital Sex

Let me state my disclaimer: I am no Modernist, and I believe along with an old textbook on life called the Bible that premarital sex is a sin. You don’t have to convince me of that. My real question is why. What are the reason’s that God has made sex for a married couple alone? My understanding is that God represents himself as male, and Israel, his bride, is spoken of as female in order to mimic (or rather, humanity mimics THAT relationship) the love man and woman have for one another. My guess is that the reason sex must be monogomous lies in that symbology, but I am having trouble discerning how exactly monogomy fits in.

As silly and juvinille as the question might sound, it for some reason is a bit harder than expected to pin down.

No worries, it’s a good question to have an answer to, especially in this world. The reasoning behind all sins being sins can be found by what doing those things results in. Sexual intercourse is the closest, deepest, most intimate relationship that we can have with another human. This relationship is in fact so deep that when the sexual relationship is terminated, it is extremely painful for the soul. At my parish’s LifeTeen, we demonstrate this as akin to ripping a guy’s arm-hair off with duct tape.
So, marriage is permanent, the sexual relationship is best permanent, the two should go together.
When we commit sexual sins like masturbation, pornography, fornication, we are taking a part of the married life, this deepest of relationships that we can have and we are making a mockery of it by removing a vital part of it, ie, the permanent partner.

I agree that it’s not as easy of a question as it seems, but here’s my shot at it: I’d say that the need for monogamy arises primarily from the fact that, as Jesus said in response to questions about polygamy, God created an original PAIR of humans and only let deviations from that (and even then still in the context of “marriage”) occur because of the hardness of men’s hearts. For me, it’s a question of respecting God’s wisdom in creating us as He did.

Since you said you totally agree with Catholic teaching on the sinfulness of premarital/extramarital sex, I won’t go too much further into that. Here are some other reasons to think about though:

  1. Since the Church teaches that artificial birth control is wrong, any somehow “morally permissible” pre/extramarital sex would have to be open to life. Basic sociology and psychology tell us that the healthiest environment for a child to grow up in is that of two committed parents, so such an idea would be contrary to the good of children (whom we all know Jesus loves dearly!)
  2. Having multiple partners GREATLY diminishes the sacred intimacy of the marital embrace, and God never intended for our sexuality to become a source of recreation. Therefore, to preserve the special intimacy and sacredness involved in the act, it’s necessary for it to only morally occur between two complementary human beings who are committed to each other for life through a sacred bond before God (marriage).

Not too great, but yeah, I tried.

I think the answer lies in the nature of marital intercourse itself. In its nature, it involves a total self-giving. The man pours himself out for his woman; the woman receives him unconditionally. This union is of its nature potentially life giving, whether any particular act results in new life or not.

Because it is potentially life-giving, any new human co-created through this union of man and woman will be dependent for a very long time: dependent on the mother through 9 months of pregnancy and beyond. Dependent on the father to provide love and support for both mother and child. That child will be nurtured and supported for 18, 20, or more years within this family. That’s why I say that the act itself implies and requires permanence.

Because the act itself speaks of permanence, non-permanence–i.e. one night stands, or casual sex–inevitably leads to heartbreak.

Because the man and woman become one flesh. Genesis refers to the permanent and complete union that is marriage. If someone has sex outside of marriage, it’s like taking something away from the future spouse and the marriage covenant between the spouses and God. If someone were to have sex with their eventual spouse, say their fiance before they get married, it would take away from the significance of the marriage covenant - when the marriage is consummated, if you’ve already had sex, are you really consummating the marriage? Besides, until you actually get married and are pronounced husband and wife, it’s not a for sure thing. I can tell you from experience, engagements do not always last. And I certainly am glad we didn’t do anything stupid.

Not to mention, look what happens when you don’t have monogomous relationships! They aren’t this wonderful care-free thing the media tries to make it out to be. People get STD’s. People die from AIDS. People are used simply for sex. People start getting bored with sex and have to find ways to make it “more interesting”. People who have pre-marital sex have a significantly higher divorce rate than those who wait.

God doesn’t create rules just to be mean. They’re all for our own good. When you really look at them, it’s sometimes easy to see why God does what He does. :thumbsup:


Sex is not there for simple pleasure. It has a much more deeper meaning (it is an act of love) and much greater importance. It there so we can spread and multiply.

Every child should have a mother and a father. That’s how things were made. When a male and female know each other enough and decide to live together for the rest of their lives they will marry and thus seal this bond. It is after this point when they may live like husband and wife and raise their children.

If you look at the state of today’s world you will see what the “free life” has brought us. Mostly only pain and misery. Single mothers, mothers who cannot take care of their children, abortions and much more. Of course this is nothing new but what was rare in the past became a quite common phenomenon.

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