*The bottom of this response has book recommendations and a video link which I really want you to see, as well as a website where you can purchase both!! *
I first want to say that it took a lot of courage for you to ask such a personal question to the world of cyberspace. I want to say that I admire your courage, and I think that anyone who has or will reply in a rude manner should not judge you for asking a sincere question which many people would be too afraid to ask a community of unknown people online.
That being said, I think that you should also be careful what you post online, and for your safety you should speak with a trusted adult who is a practicing Catholic about your relationship with your boyfriend. Perhaps a religious sister, (since you are a young woman it may be more awkward or uncomfortable speaking with a priest who is a man about these issues. And you must speak with someone other than the online community)
I think that the fact that you asked this question means you already feel unsure about it, and you should. God has placed within women an intuition and conscience that is a guiding compass which warns them when they are being taken advantage of and which directs them to the man who God has"set apart for you before the world existed" (Tobit 6:18) Listen to your intuition!! It is there to protect you (and your boyfriend.)
Let me answer this question with other questions. Would you like to be married one day? If you do, then your future groom is out in the world somewhere right now. Imagine him. What kind of a man is he?
… But, what if he has a girlfriend? Maybe he met her in school like you met your boyfriend. It’s summer break, so they have lots of time to see each other. Now, imagine that your future husband’s girlfriend begins to pressure him to do the same thing your boyfriend is asking you to do with him. Imagine her saying the same things your boyfriend said to you. What would you do if you could meet the girlfriend of your future groom? What would you say to her? What would you want THEM doing right now? Wouldn’t you want him to say “No, (insert girlfriend’s name) I am attracted to you, and I want to be close to you, but I choose to be pure for my future bride. I am her gift. You don’t have the right to take that away from her.”
If the idea of your future husband doing to some girl the same thing your boyfriend wants to do to you grosses you out or makes you angry, then please take that as a cue from God that it isn’t preserving your virginity or your purity and it would be wrong of you to do with your boyfriend.
Maybe you have made past mistakes. From this day forward, you can choose to say 1 of 2 things
a) “I am going to guard my virginity AND purity with God’s help and lots of prayer, to be a gift that only my future spouse deserves.”
b) “Whatever. I don’t care about my future spouse. They’re not worth it.”
Which of these two things would you want your future groom to say about YOU?
Remember this: Do not think that by doing what your boyfriend suggest your sexual tension will go away. Each sexual act is created by God to lead to sexual union. So, the more you and your boyfriend do together, the more you will want to do. It will not quench your desires. Remember, there is nothing evil about your desires. Sexual desire does not = lust. Lust is when you use a person as a means to an end outside of God’s design for love and sex. So avoid foreplay or sexual acts, because they are meant to lead your bodies to sex.
I HOPE that you watch this awesome talk called ‘Romance Without Regret’ (Watch parts 1 through 9) youtube.com/playlist?list=PL9780B49A3BEAA33F
I **HIGHLY **recommend two books. Pure Womanhood by Crystalina Evert and How to Find Your Soulmate Without Losing Your Soul: 21 Secrets for Women by Jason and Crystalina Evert.
You can buy the book and the talk ‘Romance Without Regret’ through www.chastityproject.com
Remember, love can wait to give but lust can’t wait to take. To test your boyfriend’s love for you, take the sexual elements out of the relationship. If there is love, your bond will be stronger. If not, you are one step closer to the real thing.