previous relationships/ married view point


#1

say you are married for several years and have kids etc.

  1. is it ok to think about your old romances??

  2. is it ok to think what if I married them instead?? and them tell them that???

  3. Is it ok to tell the old romance that, "you know I still love you or you know I did love you meanwhile its 20 years later... and you are both married now to others??? "

  4. Is it ok to say something like, "my heart still skips a beat when I see you..."

  5. Is it ok to say, "you were a great lover"...


#2

Yes
Maybe/No
No
No
NO

Troll. Because you've asked this before.


#3
  1. So long as it's not a lustful rememberance..... to remember good things, lessons learned....that's human and fine.

  2. I think it's only human to think "what if's" ......to tell them .....NO. absolutly not. What will that do but only leave a mark on their/your heart and mind and could be temptation.

  3. to say you care for someone is ok...........but NOT any other form of love....to do so would simply invite temptation

4/5 ...........sounds like you're getting into some dangerous territory.

be careful!


#4

Does sound like dangerous territory. Feelings take long to discharge and some of them stay forever, which is why people sometimes need to avoid meeting their former girlfriends or boyfriends. Attraction is even more inclined to act out of bounds and fall out of one's control.

Like MichaelHowling said, I'd think that good things, lessons learned etc., are just normal human remembrance. Although they still should not give rise to fantasies. The other things you mention may not be sinful or wrong per se but easily lead to wrong things or even result from thinking one or two bridges too far.

All sins that harm marriages begin in the brain, with entertaining some ideas. When we're married to someone, we are no longer free to fantasise about others but truth be told, we are never free to fantasise--only real relations with someone who actually is spouse. For example, while it's obvious okay, well, it's intended, for a man to have relations with his wife, it's not okay for him to "help himself" while fantasising about her 1000 miles away from home. Gotta wait for the real contact when he's back. Even more so does this apply to people we can't marry. And obviously, it doesn't make us unmarried. We're married not just on the outside, but our brains and minds are married to our spouses too.

You might also want to address the causes of your dissatisfaction with your current marriage, which might be tempting you to look inside your memories and speculate about what-ifs. Those things may be signs of trouble.


#5

It’s okay to think about the past sometimes, but this sounds like a very unhealthy obsessing over the past. That’s never good especially when it concerns old romances.

If this is you or your husband that are doing these things, please see a priest and get marriage counselling as soon as possible. Continuing down such a path is a recipe for disaster.


#6

I've thought about old romances.

What do I think about what would've happened if I married them?

I'd be divorced.

People tend to fantasize, obsessing on the good, and utterly ignoring the bad. There is a reason those old romances aren't around, and it's not because they're the perfect partner. Obsessing on it won't change it either, and an unhealthy obsession could adversely effect the current relationship.


#7

I don't think you are a troll because I know you have another thread from November asking the same thing. And I realize it is not you thinking these things, it is your husband.

As someone said there, it is a problem if it is a problem for you, which it must still be because here you are, asking again.

Have you told your husband this bothers you?

I am guessing there must be other things going on, but even if there isn't, you should get together and go for some marriage counseling. If he won't go, go talk to someone by yourself, as this is obviously bothering you.

And no, thinking about a past romance is one thing. Talking to them and telling them all of those things you listed is just wrong.


#8

[quote="mamamayi, post:1, topic:311688"]
say you are married for several years and have kids etc.

  1. is it ok to think about your old romances??

  2. is it ok to think what if I married them instead?? and them tell them that???

  3. Is it ok to tell the old romance that, "you know I still love you or you know I did love you meanwhile its 20 years later... and you are both married now to others??? "

  4. Is it ok to say something like, "my heart still skips a beat when I see you..."

  5. Is it ok to say, "you were a great lover"...

[/quote]

  1. Best to focus on other things.

  2. Why is there any contact with previous romantic attachments?

  3. Absolutely NOT!

  4. Very destructive to marriage.

  5. So the person has been promiscuous and revels in it?

You have problems here, serious problems. Counseling recommended. Highly recommended. If my husband were doing such things, I'd separate.


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