Priest today in confession VERY smarmy

…and seemed like he was “having a bad day”, I have NEVER had this happen. WOW!

Not gonna announce what I confessed, but, as a single, celibate 37 year old man who does not “fool around” or even seek such things, I do struggle with the “secret sin”. Again, this doesn’t take much thinking.

Confessed that I slipped 3 times this week, it’s a struggle ongoing since puberty. Priest goes “Well, sounds like ya just got a habit, nothing I can say will really help you other than just to keep on coming back.” IN A REAL SMART*** WAY!

I was shocked and wanted to go “Father, you having a bad day or something?” I then mention venial sins and he more or less hurried me up and said “now go ahead and say your act of contrition”, gives me absolution but even saying those words, he was moody.

I was just floored. I will say this. Next time I feel a lapse coming on, I am going to imagine he is the ONLY confessor in this world. Should lose that urge real quick. Left and went to another Church for Mass instead. Unbelievable!

I am sorry to hear about your experience. Priests are still human and perhaps he *was *having a bad day. That said, you have been absolved! And have received Our Lord in communion! Neither of which would be possible without priests.

Say a prayer for him tonight. I will say a prayer for your struggles.

Actually on the way to the other Church, I did say a little “Well, he’s human, God help him.” kind of prayer, but still, I was just like…wow. Thank you so much for prayers. I hate this sin with a passion. Maybe someday God will bring a good Catholic wife into my life.

So you did receive absolution then:thumbsup:

Remember the priest doesn’t even really exist as a person in confession - he is in the person of Christ. I’ve had some “interesting” times in confession. You’ve just got to remember that the only reason we go is to receive the grace of reconciliation and absolution. Everything else is incidental.

He’s right though - you have to keep “coming back.”

Not sure whether this is helpful… perhaps this is just the way I tend to play with words. But for a moment I thought the priest validated your own thoughts — whether you liked it or not. (I’m guessing this is re masturbation? … and please, ignore my post completely … understanding you spoke of a “secret sin.”) I think he validated some of your thoughts as you called yourself “just came back,” and you explained the priest as saying, “nothing I can say will really help you other than just to keep on coming back.” [my emphasis]. Your persistence pays off… the priest’s admission of the limits of his own role, quite credible… besides confession, perhaps there is another angle you’ll have to find to tackle the “secret sin” ?

That is fine with me. I was just taken back by the tone of his voice as if he was so above hearing my confession. Again, I don’t want to be coddled, just forgiven, but then again, as Persona Christi, my mind began to wonder as if that is how Christ would’ve sounded because surely he is sick of my sin as well. Again, just very weird but yes I was absolved so I could receive my Lord in the Sacrament.

“just came back” is my name from where I registered back in 2010 after dabbling with Presbyterian Church USA.

Oh man, I left confession once and felt like the priest implied I never should have become Catholic. I was pretty upset. Now if I happen to know he is the one hearing confessions I go to the other confessional. I’m early sometimes so I am already in line when the priests go into the confessional. Ironically my husband confessed to him another time and thought he was great. :shrug:

i have had the same problem as well, the priest/ confessor, he felt he had given me the best counsel there ever was, an the empathy was just no longer there, i was given the impression i was bothering him for coming back, that an he seemed to insuate i have some kind of disorder, it was a rather snide remark that had this undertone an i almost wanted to say, why not just say i gota mental problem an get it over with.

i didn’t go back to reconciliation for a good while after that, an i get the entire humanity thing, but there is no need to treat people like this. especially when people are coming to you for help, some people are more fragile than others, an one slip can make or break a person. the confessional really isnt the place for attitude or comments. lucky he was only a substitute, but was still gun shy to return to reconciliation, n then going to reconcilation over n over for the same thing, makes me feel as if i am doing something wrong its like here i am again Fr. An God, spinning the wheels so to say.

an i keep trying things to correct problems, habits, evil, what ever an i make some ground and fall, two steps forward one step back knda thing… gets frustrating and discouraging.

So I know my problems, i just have a hard time forgiving myself, a hard time trusting God, with my sins, and a hard time feeling welcomed or knowing it is okay to go back to reconciliation week after week, even if it is considered a habit, best i can figure if it hurts me it must Hurt God as well to some degree an therefore has to be some kind of sin.

OK, so it’s something that you’ve been dealing with for 20+ years.

Priest goes “Well, sounds like ya just got a habit”

Hmm… is it possible that he hit the nail on the head, and you just weren’t too keen with the way that he put it?

“nothing I can say will really help you other than just to keep on coming back”

Well… in a way, he’s right. If we keep falling into a particular sin, the best way out is to keep availing ourselves of the Sacrament of Reconciliation. Wouldn’t you say that this is true?

Sounds like you’re here to stay… I know I will.
On another note, one of these days, when I summon the courage, I’ll actually schedule a one-on-one confession/reconciliation with a priest. I have a sense that when I join the confession line up, there is a certain atmosphere of “hurry-there-are-others-too-you-know” and the experience becomes more like a washing machine … still, with the elements of openness, sincerity, faith, consolation… the things that make this sacrament a sacrament… make a big reason why I’m Catholic.

At least he was in the confessional.

Our pastor doesn’t have time for confessions, and he says no one comes anyway, so we have to call for an appointment and even then he’s not always available.

That is sad. A resort town near where I live has a Catholic Church there and between November-May you have to schedule a confession. It’s only when the Floridians come up for the Summer that they schedule them. That’s sad.

I have seen priests late for confessions before, some a good 15 minutes and then act like it’s nothing. Even if only 1 person shows up, it should be treated as sacred. Just my opinion.

I know one thing. I am going to do everything in my power to abstain from my particular sin. I would like to go see this priest in 6 months and thank him for curing me, mainly in part due to his demeanor.:thumbsup:

That’s sort of what I was thinking, if remembering the priest’s ‘smarmy demeanour’ will help you not commit that sin next time, he has actually done you a huge favour, even if you did feel terrible about his attitude at the time. May you find your way out of this habitual sin - they’re so hard because we have to replace the bad habit with a better one.

Hi, sorry to hear of your experience. I don’t know who they think they are - having an attitude towards people who do go to confession. I think its unfortunate that you go to church only to be met with temptation in various forms - ie the temptation to anger, the temptation towards not going back etc. Its all very well for the church to focus on sin etc, but when it seems the priest rejects you because you’re a sinner - well - they should just get over themselves. Of course you can rationalise it and try to see a possible good effect of their behaviour, and maybe that is okay for you - but it wouldn’t be for everyone. God calls many people to church for different reasons - some to stop sinning, some to just survive the heavy cross they already have, some because they have gifts that will benefit the parish etc. Only God knows the reasons and the priest surely doesn’t. Imagine what might happen if the priest took that attitude with a fragile person who needed to go to church in order to survive the world outside eg. they might be being bullied, harrassed, slandered or betrayed or even someone might be trying to kill them (domestic violence) and they are afraid. Imagine a person such as that coming up against such a robotic priest who has no human feeling & enjoys being cruel. Jesus didn’t reject Mary Magdalene - it was love that made her a saint - not harsh discipline.

If your sin is what I think it is, I suffered from the same “habit” as you did. I am sorry
your priest wasn’t more understanding. :frowning:

Nah, it’s not my parish priest. I had attended a college basketball game in another town and hit one of the local parishes right after the game. Again, he’s human but it really just caught me off guard. I’ve noticed some priest moan and whine cause more people don’t come to Confession but then something like this may happen and you’re like…really?

Oh well…

I experienced that at the local church in my town. The priest didn’t want to absolve me because in his mind I hadn’t sinned. I insisted and mentioned the chatechism so he reluctantly absolved me. Needless to say I won’t go to mass there again and chose a parish only two more miles away where the priest hears my same sins every two weeks, but understands I am fighting the good fight. I’m praying for you friend.

I’m so sorry about your experience in the confessional and I’ll pray for both you and that priest.

I had a nightmare experience once, basically got beaten over the head with the Mercy of God, at least that’s what it felt like:
I write my sins down (OK’ed by my spiritual director) so I took my list in and there was a visiting priest who’d never seen me before. He simply saw that I had a list (short-maybe 8 things written down) and he started haranguing me about didn’t I know that God loved me and God has mercy and…well, it was just awful. I could barely get a word in edgewise that my spiritual director had approved of my using a list but by that time the damage had been done. When I came out of the confessional I fell to the floor in tears, got up and ran from the church crying. What a sight I must have been and I can’t imagine what the other folks in line must have thought.

Despite the experience I went to confession the next week and have even been to confession to that same priest again - he hasn’t repeated his performance though I’m ready for him if he does (I’m just made of stronger stuff now, that’s all). And I still write my lists and carry them in with me.


Let’s see with fewer priests to do everything that needs to be done, I have a little more understanding for the priests.

Imagine this if you will:

  1. Priest does Morning Mass

  2. Priest then does Funeral

  3. Priest then runs to the Hospital for an anointing

  4. Priest comes back to do Wedding

  5. Then Priest hears scheduled confessions…and you all want them to be warm and fuzzy
    after a day like this?

  6. Priest then does saturday Evening mass

I had numerous Saturdays like this when I was a priest and balanced on the razor-edge of exhaustion all the time. I am sure that many priests schedules are the same/similar. Sometimes when you are tired, you don’t always pay attention to the inflection in your voice.

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