Vocational discernment is perhaps the most confusing and mysterious time in my life.
I am hoplessly confused on wether or not I am called to the diocesan priesthood. I have thought about priesthood when I was 8 years old. I used to dress up and pretend to be a priest and play mass. As a grew older priesthood was always at the back of my mind. During highschool and college I've dated a number of girls and had two long and serious relationships where I fell in love. The issue of priesthood and the possibility of a call has always remained in my mind. I have studied the Catholic Faith for years. I fell in love with Jesus and His mother, and am currently exploring Catholic mysticism specifically, contemplation and Carmelite spirituality.
I love God, the Catholic Church, and the priesthood, but I am so confused. The center stage of this confusion is simply celibacy. I humbly accept Mother Church's inspired discipline of the celibate priesthood of the Latin rite primarily for the spiritual and practical benefits. The confusion and struggle is about sacrificing a family for the kingdom of God. I am afraid that if I enter the priesthood I will miss out on marraige and family. I am afraid that if I enter married life that I will miss out on the priesthood.
My confusion is priesthood or marraige. They are both so beautiful and each come with a set of their own sacrifices and struggles as well as great joy. I just dont know where God wants me. I feel like I am stuck in a stand still. I know the Church needs more vocations, and I know I am deeply attracted to priesthood, but I am afraid too.
Any words of wisdom brothers? I wish God would just tell me "be a priest" or "get married".