I'm new here, and thought maybe I could ask you opinion on something... I'm not sure who else to turn to...
Just to give you a bit of background... My fiancé and I have been together for nine years. We lived in Europe for two years (for jobs), moved back home to Canada for about nine months, and then moved back to Europe again, where we are now living.
I come from a stereotypical Italian family, where my parents wanted me to live at home until I was married (and then some!) so they could do everything for me and take care of me, and this was unfortunately the way it was because I was a broke university student trying to get an education and a good job. My family is very close, always in each other's business and my parents are very controlling. My fiancé, however, comes from a totally different type of family, who respects his personal space, aren't demanding of his time, and he's lived away from home since he was 17 or so.
In the time we moved back home, we had both moved into my parents' house (because we didn't have jobs or a lot of money or anywhere else to live... my fiancé's parents had gotten a divorce while we were away and he couldn't/didn't want to stay with them).
That's when everything went sour... Five adults living in a small house is bad enough, plus the fact that my fiancé and I never had any privacy to have some "together" time without my family hovering, and my fiancé never felt like it was his home so he was uncomfortable for the whole time we were there... Also, as much as they refuse to admit it, my fiancé and my mother and very much alike - stubborn, refusing to listen to reason, always wanting their way, and never wanting anyone to tell them what to do. I love them both dearly but it can be a challenge sometimes. Aside from this, though, I'm close with my mother, and my fiancé and I have a great relationship and I love him very much.
We moved back to Canada to get married... but a few months before this was going to happen, my fiancé and my mother got into a huge blow-out, and they haven't really talked since (about 7 or 8 months now). My fiancé was sick of my mother barking orders at him and treating him like a 10-year-old, and he shot off at the mouth (he has a bad temper, same as her), swore and yelled at my mother, she slapped him across the face and he was kicked out of their house. The wedding was called off because they couldn't even stand to look at each other... For months after, my parents never failed to take every opportunity whenever they spoke to me to badmouth him, wishing we would break up, and telling me how much I've turned my back on my family and betrayed them for staying with him after he disrespected them. My fiancé, insanely stubborn, didn't even try to apologize until about two months later... but because it wasn't the way my parents wanted, they didn't accept it. (My mother, when he'd come to their house to talk, had run and locked herself in her room because she was upset that I was telling her in front of my fiancé that she was too involved in my relationship, etc.) Regardless, he apologized to my dad and brother, but my mother expected him to show up the next day to apologize to her when she was ready. Fast forward a few months later, and I'd just gotten so sick of their hating each other and was so desperate to save my relationship that my fiancé and I moved back to Europe. My mother is angry that he didn't apologize to her before we left. He emailed her when we were here to say happy mother's day, and she ignored him and yelled at me that he will never be a part of our family and to tell him to not contact her again.
My parents also complain about the things my fiancé does or doesn't do, even though it's fine for me... like going out with his friends without me (which I do too! we don't have to spend every second of the day together) or not buying me flowers on Valentine's day (which I asked him not to)... They think he's turned me away from God because he's not a practicing Catholic anymore (although he was baptized)... but I go to church myself, even here in Europe. The religious issues between us are something we've talked a lot about and worked out together, but my parents don't agree and are offended by it.They're also angry that he's taken me away from them by moving back to Europe, even though it was my idea and I'm much happier here (I hate being away from our families, but it's been the best thing for us.)
So this is what I've been dealing with... The thing is, we have been engaged for a year and a half, and have been together for nine years... I'm ready to get married and start a family! I really am of the opinion that their fighting is stupid and ridiculous and I'm so sick of it. My mother wants an apology from him in person (and we're not going back to Canada for another year and a half)... I don't want to wait another two years to get married, before they MAYBE start talking again (but only after he grovels for their acceptance). I'm 30, my baby clock is ticking! I'm ready to just go elope here in Europe and start my life with my fiancé... at the same time, though, it absolutely breaks my heart that my parents won't be involved in my wedding (they've told me they won't come) and I'll never get to experience the joy and excitement about planning a big beautiful wedding with my mother that all little girls dream of. I keep praying and hoping that things will change between them, but I can't see that happening any time soon, and I really don't want to put my life on hold because they can't grow up :\
Sorry this was so long! Any thoughts? I have no idea what to do now... :(