I’m at my wits end with this. My stepson is 23 and on his own but I’m still not sure how to deal with him. First a little background. His mother had passed away when he was 13, and his father and I got married when he was 15. His beloved grandfather whom he lived with (with his parents) all his life died earlier that same year, then his father passed away 2 years ago. So a lot of loss in a young life. He and I had a shaky relationship when he was living with us, he’s now on his own and we get along ok.
The trouble I have with him is that I can’t believe one word that comes out of his mouth. I’ve caught him in small fibs and huge whoppers, some lies that are obviously to get out of trouble, others that were totally inconsequential, like mentioning to someone that I was giving him a drive somewhere when there was no such arrangement. I mean, why lie about something like that? I have long since decided that it’s too much trouble trying to figure out what’s true and what isn’t that it’s easier just not to believe anything he says. I don’t call him on anything, just go along with whatever he says. Maybe he’s a pathological liar, I don’t know.
This past summer I just had it with him. When his father died I had given him the chain his father always wore thinking he would like to have a keepsake. He seemed to appreciate it very much and for 2 years he kept it but he never wore it. Then he pawned it! Luckily, my daughter’s fiance works at the pawn shop and redeemed it after the 30 days were up and gave it to me. I confronted SS and told him how angry and disgusted I was. I said I wouldn’t be angry forever but that I didn’t want to see him for a very long time. After 2 months we reconciled (sooner than I expected frankly). I was getting ready to move and he said several times that he would come and help, even confirmed pickup time for him to come. Well he didn’t show up and actually disappeared for 2 weeks. Luckily (again) I wasn’t entirely depending on him. I still haven’t seen him and don’t really know how to react when I do.
I know how the world would expect me to react, but what do I do as a Christian parent? I want to continue to have a relationship with him out of love for his father but I dont’ want to be taken advantage of (lending money, etc.) and I can’t trust him. It’s very hard to have loving feelings for him. What does real love call me to do?
Sorry this is so long, thanks for letting me vent