Greetings. I work as an educator at a small public college in the United States. The work is very invigorating to me generally, and my students and colleagues have a lot of respect for me. You could probably say that I’m very well-suited to the work, and I’d call even my bad days in the classroom are better than my good days at some other jobs I’ve held in the past which were poor matches for me. It’s no real stretch for me to say that I’d be probably be content holding the same position and doing the same work throughout my career.
At one time, though, when I was younger, I was an aspirant for the priesthood, desirous of using my learning and my professionalism for the high goal of the education and sanctification of the faithful in the service of Mother Church. That road became impossible about a decade ago for various reasons. As excellent for my talents and temper as my present service is, though, I can’t help but feel a little disappointed that it isn’t somehow ecclesiastically oriented – that it’s not for the good of the Church but for the good of a state college system. The role of a layman, I know, is to order the secular institutions of society in accordance with the Divine will, but in our legal, political, and cultural climate, that’s just impossible now.
I can, of course, help my students (many of them of lower income and of disadvantaged demographic groups) order their thinking and their habits and lead them to become more reflective and thoughtful persons – and that’s no small deal. Still, though, something is lacking here. It’s not as though I am cut off from ecclesiastical work, as I am a Master of Cermonies in a Traditional Latin Mass community and would gladly become an instituted lector and acolyte if I could find a bishop friendly to that. Still, that usually only happens weekly. For all my drive to order wayward minds, I find there’s a strange sense of disorder and incompleteness running throughout all my work. It’s like there needs to be more to provide some sort of transcendent order so I don’t get the sense that I’m just another teacher who helps out with Church matters on Sundays and holy days.
Has anyone else ever got this sense? Has anyone any comments?