Prolife obituary for miscarriage


#1

I have struggled with the sorrow of my son’s death. It seems that society just waves away the importance of life. My child has died and it seems that his very existances is denied. I believe that God gave me a special gift, a son. God created my son for a special reason. I may not fully understand that reason right now, but I believe his life is worth celebrating and sharing. I would like to encourage others to create obituaries for their unborn children. We believe life begins at conception so let us not let these children die without recognizing their importance, thier purpose. Don’t let society believe these children are not alive or precious. They exist from conception and they are our sons and daughters. I held my son after giving birth to him. He fit in the palm of my hand. I washed his little body and kissed his tiny head good-bye.

Joseph Marie
Joseph Marie, son of Greg and Dana , died fourteen weeks after conception. Joseph leaves behind two sisters; Mahkenna and Mia, and one brother, Jack. He was preceded in death by his sister Theresa.

Joseph accomplished so much in his fourteen weeks.  He began life at conception as a single cell.  He grew leaps and bounds in his short life.  At his death he was about six inches long and weighed about three ounces.  His little fingers and toes were perfectly formed and he even had little toe nails.  His little heart pumped 25 quarts of blood each day.  He could suck his thumb.  He had hair and he was able to blink his little eyes.

Joseph attended Mass at St. Michael’s Parish all his life.  Before his death Joseph was consecrated to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary by Fr. John Santos.  He was born after his death on November 6th, 2006.   Joseph’s name has been written in the book of Holy Innocence at the Shrine of Holy Innocence in New York.

May our Lord’s perpetual light shine upon Joseph and may he rest in peace.

#2

I agree with you and am so sorry for the loss of your son. I too had a miscarriage ( tubal pregnancy). What is so sad is that we grieve alone because no one else acknowledges that we actually lost a baby. We really aren’t even expected to grieve. What helped me was when a young priest held a candlelight procession and benediction for the aborted or miscarried babies with the intent to allow us to grieve for these precious souls. We all carried votive candles with Jesus in the monstrance as we processed at night. It was beautiful. When we entered the church, Jesus in the monstrance was placed on the altar and then we handed the votive candles to the priest who placed each one on the altar near Jesus. It was so beautiful to see these dancing lights all around Jesus, as it seemed to resemble happy children dancing and playing all around Jesus. We then prayed a beautiful rosary and later the same priest heard confessions for anyone who may have needed it. It was very comforting.


#3

I am sorry for the loss you expereinced. But this response strikes me as unusual. Is it not the case that an estimated 1/3 of all pregnancies terminate through miscarriage in the first trimester? There are apparently many blighted pregnancies which never survive until term for any number of known and unknown reasons. I am not suggesting that you are not disappointed or grieving. I’m just wondering whether this is something to make the subject of public grief or a more private and intimate matter.


#4

That nearly makes me cry. :frowning: But I’m glad you shared this. It’s beautiful.


#5

It would definitely be unusual and different, but I’m not sure that’s necessarily a bad thing. Society really doesn’t think of women who have miscarriages as losing a baby. Yet many women who do have miscarriages grieve for the life they lost. Maybe something like this would make people realize the very real life that is growing even after only a couple of weeks after conception. And I do think that at least some women who have suffered miscarriages would be very touched by it.


#6

How unspeakably rude.

To the OP, thank you for sharing your most personal obituary with all of us. I cannot even imagine the pain and grief you must feel, but choosing to write about your little Joseph Marie’s precious life in those fourteen weeks he lived inside your womb is something that I hope will help heal you. My heart breaks for all women who suffer with the pain of miscarriage–it does truly seem to be a very silent burden to bear since so many seem to have the above poster’s attitude. My opinion, though I have not experienced a miscarriage and I pray that I never do, is that a child is no less valuable to a parent whether he lives but moments in your womb or years upon earth. Thank you for sharing about this topic and encouraging others to do so as well.


#7

I am so sorry for your loss. The loss of a baby early in the pregnancy can be a very lonely grief. There are those who will tell you what is ok, and what is not ok, but the fact is, whatever helps you heal is your business. I surely have done some things that would make a few people shake their heads, but until you have held your dead baby in your arms and layed them into the casket, you have no say to tell someone who has how they should grieve.

I encourage you to visit the website of SHARE, a support network for miscarriage, stillbirth and early infant loss.
www.nationalshareoffice.com They are an awesome organization, and it was started by a nun almost 30 years ago. You will find you are not alone in wanting Joseph Marie to be remembered and acknowledged.


#8

What a beautiful idea and very well-written tribute to your son!

Miscarriage is a true loss, perhaps not fully understood by those who never experienced the pain themselves. I, too, suffered miscarriages and always felt like there was no outlet for my grief. People would try to be encouraging but end up being hurtful by saying things like “It’s all for the best” or “Something was terribly wrong with your baby, so this is a blessing” or “You’ll be able to have another one.”

Funny how we don’t say that to those who’ve lost an older child or a spouse. Imagine saying to someone grieving “You know, there were a lot of things wrong with Joe, so don’t worry, you’ll be able to find another husband.”

Traditionally, the Feast of the Holy Innocents on December 28 is a time to pray for those little souls who died before birth or soon thereafter. Maybe you can find some healing by attending a Mass on Dec. 28. It has helped me a great deal. Our pro-life committee organizes this service every year.

God is with you in your tears and He holds you as you cry.


#9

Right there with you. Well to go a bit further, even if you have had that experience you still have no right to tell someone how they should grieve. Everyone is different, and what ever helps another heal, so long as its not really harmful to others. Although being told how to grieve is probably one of the worse way to go about it, but one of the better ways is to share how you’ve gotten through it.


#10

Thank you for your loving tribute. I lost a baby at only six weeks and still grieve him everyday. I know the pain you are feeling as do many other parents. There is no wrong way to go through this pain, and I think if more women did share their sorrow at this type of loss perhaps there would be less callousness towards the not yet born. God bless you and your family.


#11

I wrote this obituary not for simpathy. I wrote it because I believe that we need to show how important life is. Jesus said we are all created equal. In God’s eyes Joseph had a special purpose as do all of us. He is valued just as much as you or I. Shouldn’t we treat him with the same value? If I died tomarrow, my mother would grieve for me. she wouldn’t deny my life was there. She wouldn’t say, " It was for the best because she was terrible at folding clothes." or whatever my imperfections may be. My parents came together in love and God joined them in thier love to create me. My husband and I did the same to create Joseph. God gave him life at the moment he was conceived. He has a soul. He is a child of God as am I. In the culture of death we don’t recognize the value of each person. I held him. He is my son.


#12

I thought the Feast of the Holy Infants was to pray for the babies killed by Herod. If it is applicable to miscarried and aborted babies please respond back. My wife just miscarried over Thanksgiving and I really feel this feast day could help me to commemorate my baby annually.


#13

Very few posts touch me like yours did. I have miscarried 6 times. My babies also hold a place in my heart, and always will. I agree with you… they are our children. I don’t measure my love for my children by the amount of time they were with me. I don’t care how many babies die before they are born… it doesn’t make it any less sad - or their lives less valuable.

May God bless your family as your cope with the loss of your son, Joseph.


#14

To the OP, I offer my condolences. I think it’s a lovely idea and thank you for sharing your precious little one’s short life with those of us here.

I too once experienced the sorrow of miscarriage, at 10 weeks. I was told by pretty much everyone to get over it, it was too early to be a “real baby”. The only sympathetic ear was the doctor and the ladies at my church group. I cried for months over it, and still notice every year at his would-have-been birthday. Not that I knew for sure that it was a boy, but I dreamed I held a newborn baby boy that was my baby a week before I miscarried.

Carrying a child in the womb is a precious gift, no matter how short of a time it may be. Your precious Joseph Marie will always be a part of your life, and no one can take that from you. Writing his obituary is a wonderful way to honor his memory.

Cassie


#15

The feast of Holy innocence is to commemorate the babies Herod killed and we also use this feast to commemorate all the deathes of all the innocent children. Look for the Shrine of Holy innocence. If you haven’t named that child please do. Then through the internet you can have that child’s name placed in the book of Holy Innocence. I place Joseph’s and my stillborn daughter, Theresa’s names there. It is a beautiful web sight.


#16

Thank you very much and I am sorry for your loss.

I don’t know why but the name Ruth kept coming to me as I prayed for this baby from the first day my wife and I found out we were pregnant. My son also thought if it was a boy that we should name him Ryan, we don’t know the sex. Should I name the baby a mixture of the two? Is that what you did with Joseph Marie?


#17

The reason we named him Joseph Marie starts with his older sister. She was stillborn on Mother’s day of this year. We gave her to Our Blessed Mother as her gift. I was honored to have such a gift to present to her. We named that child Theresa Little Flower. She was our little gift. Because she was 31 weeks, we had a graveside service.

When the doctor’s discover Joseph dead on the ultrasound, it wasn’t really a special day like Theresa. He was born on Nov. 6th of this year. I wanted in someway to show how much I love him and how special he is to me. With my other children I named them after special people. How much more special could I get than after or Lord’s parents.

I believe these two children are in heaven. They are Saints. I ask for them to pray with me each time I pray. I ask them to continue to pray for their family even when I can’t. My children and I tell them we love them each night after we say our prayers. I have three children to tuck in bed each night, but I am Mother to five children.

Tell your wife she is special. God choose her to be a mother of a little Saint. You are the Father of a little Saint. When you get to Heaven they will run to great you and bring you to Jesus.


#18

My grandmother miscarried a son before she had three girls. She always speaks of him as if he was part of the family and lived outside her womb. He was never less her child because he didn’t.

I’m always bothered by the “mother to be” cards - why can’t anyone realize that women ARE mothers the second they conceive!!?? When my step-sister announced she was pregnant at Easter this year, I bought her a card on Mother’s Day. I think it was the only one she got. I was so sad about that.

My DH and I will add you and your family to our prayers tonight. I’m so sorry for your loss.

~Liza


#19

October is the month for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness. I always wondered if it was coincidence that it is also Respect Life month. October 15 has been signed in just this year by congress to be
National Awareness Day. Each year on October 15, we light a candle at 7pm in whatever time zone we are, to remember our lost babies.
this website www.october15th.com is the official site of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

Also, the Christmas Box, a book written by Richard Paul Evans sparked the building of the Angel of Hope statue that stands in a cemetery in Salt Lake City. On December 6 of every year, there is a candlelight ceremony at the statue for people to come to remember a lost child. Similiar statues are now being build in cemeteries all over the US, and to my knowledge, most if not all, of them have a December 6 ceremony. I drove 3 hours to one a few years ago and it was beautiful. This website describes how the statue came to be built:
tcfatlanta.org/Articles/AngelOfHope.pdf

For those of you who have had your losses minimized, trivialized, or criticized, there is lots of support and recognition out there. Again, the group SHARE a support network for misscarriage, stillbirth, and early infant loss is an awesome organization. There is a wonderful newsletter that you can subscribe to and if you want you can be connected with local support networks. www.nationalshareoffice.com

No one needs to grieve alone. If anyone wants to pm me, feel free.

Arlene


#20

You are absolutely right. Knowone should ever suffer alone. I have visited websites when my daughter was stillborn. They helped, but what I am trying to say is that we need to recognize the life publicly. We need to witness that life begins at conception. I am proud of all my children and I would like to share that. Both Theresa (31 weeks stillborn) and Joseph Marie (Miscarriage) are my children and I want to welcome them to humanity.

I have family that regonize Theresa but refuse to believe that Joseph was anything other than a blob. I held him. He was not a blob. He was at an age when he could have been legally aborted. He is a little boy. He was given life at conception. That life lives on in heaven and is priceless, glorious, precious, and amazing. What an awsome gift. I morn his death but I also celebrate his life.


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