Proms


#1

This subject has been on my mind. I haven't been to a prom (I will be going in a couple weeks) so perhaps I'm just being judgmental and judging a book by it's cover here. But to me, prom seems immoral by it's very nature. I guess every dance does then. The way I'm looking at it is that prom revs you up for something you can't have- namely sex, but at the best sleeping (legitimately sleeping without fooling around) with your loved one. I'm taking the most fault with prom because it's so much bigger than other dances like Homecoming. Prom is much more expensive (for both guys and girls), not to mention much longer time wise. Homecoming is about 6-7 hours, including dinner+pictures before and the after party after. Prom is 10 hours, give or take an hour or two. Then there's prom day 2 where the group hangs out (it's like that for me anyway).

I see prom as revving the engines for both the guy and the girl with prolonged exposure to each other in not the best setting (the dancing now days...). It gets them going and it's hard to stop.

Maybe I'm just being cynical or pessimistic, as I often am. I've had no past experience at prom so I can't speak to that :o

What do you guys think?

Coolduude


#2

I don’t know much about proms, and I’ve never been to one, but I would like to point out that it is not possible to sleep with your loved one (unmarried) without creating HUGE situations of possible serious sin.


#3

[quote="Alexander_Smith, post:2, topic:237899"]
I don't know much about proms, and I've never been to one, but I would like to point out that it is not possible to sleep with your loved one (unmarried) without creating HUGE situations of possible serious sin.

[/quote]

Of course. That's one reason I'm somewhat against prom- it sets you up for situations like that. It essentially creates scandal by its very nature. IMO anyway.


#4

Prom doesn’t have to be that way, at least no more than any other date with teenagers involved. Our school had an after-prom with lots of games and door prizes. Most people had a great time. From what I remember about prom was everyone was running around excited and couples didn’t get a lot of alone time. In fact I had several misbehaving friends in high school and I can promise you none of them misbehaved that night. Too much going on.

I wouldn’t worry about it too much.


#5

I was a cheapskate and didn’t go to my prom. My son skipped his as well. However, even back when I was in HS, plenty of people got hotel rooms for the night. Most of the people I spoke had not only cleared this with their parents, but some of the parents actually dropped the kids off and picked them up in the morning. And this was a Catholic HS.

Once my daughters get to be that age, I have no problem with them going to Prom & After-Prom as long as my wife and/or I are chaperons. I know that’s not a fail-safe (we have friends whose first child was conceived between Prom & After-Prom), but it would give me at least some level of comfort.


#6

My school has banned after parties and renting of hotel rooms. If they find out, they will release the wrath of God upon you.

That being said, why can’t two people go out to a dance without sex afterwards? Really, by its nature, prom isn’t supposed to be about the after parties or sex. It’s supposed to be a formal event for your class. In my school, our only two formal dances are winter formal and senior prom. Our homecoming is the most casual thing I’ve ever been to.

For me, prom is next week, and I’m excited. I’m taking one of my best friends and I’m planning on having the best time ever–without sex! Yes, it’s possible for teenage boys not to jump to sex. Who would have thought? In fact, my prom date is atheist and is a strong believer in waiting until marriage.

If you want to change the whole “scene” as your describing it, it isn’t by banning prom, but by changing attitudes of people. Prom is supposed to be about fun. Clean fun.

I think it’s possible, you just have to work for it.


#7

You’re right. It doesn’t have to be that way. But my school makes it that way- a Catholic school nonetheless. There are two parts to our prom- the dance at a nice hall (almost like a hotel, but it’s not a hotel. You know what I mean). Then we go to a boat until like 4 am. Catholic high school. And that is exactly why I’m opposed to prom. I’m opposed to some of it anyway, perhaps not all of it.


#8

[quote="Gordon_Sims, post:5, topic:237899"]
I was a cheapskate and didn't go to my prom. My son skipped his as well. However, even back when I was in HS, plenty of people got hotel rooms for the night. Most of the people I spoke had not only cleared this with their parents, but some of the parents actually dropped the kids off and picked them up in the morning. And this was a Catholic HS.
Once my daughters get to be that age, I have no problem with them going to Prom & After-Prom as long as my wife and/or I are chaperons. I know that's not a fail-safe (we have friends whose first child was conceived between Prom & After-Prom), but it would give me at least some level of comfort.

[/quote]

It is exactly that that is making me cringe about prom this year. My group won't be doing that, but others will.

[quote="SalesianSDB, post:6, topic:237899"]
My school has banned after parties and renting of hotel rooms. If they find out, they will release the wrath of God upon you.

That being said, why can't two people go out to a dance without sex afterwards? Really, by its nature, prom isn't supposed to be about the after parties or sex. It's supposed to be a formal event for your class. In my school, our only two formal dances are winter formal and senior prom. Our homecoming is the most casual thing I've ever been to.

For me, prom is next week, and I'm excited. I'm taking one of my best friends and I'm planning on having the best time ever--without sex! Yes, it's possible for teenage boys not to jump to sex. Who would have thought? In fact, my prom date is atheist and is a strong believer in waiting until marriage.

If you want to change the whole "scene" as your describing it, it isn't by banning prom, but by changing attitudes of people. Prom is supposed to be about fun. Clean fun.

I think it's possible, you just have to work for it.

[/quote]

Good post and good point. Prom doesn't have to be bad, but often times it ends up that way, whether it was planned like it or not. It is supposed to be a formal event but that's not what it's viewed as in a lot of cases. It's viewed as a time to "go big or go home". I think you know what I mean.

Like I said though, prom revs the engines of both parties involved, leaving them at the end of the night wanting more. It puts them in a bad spot I think. A fine example of this is the garter the girl wears for part of the night then the boy wears it (on his arm) for another part of the night. It works that way at my school. Garters are for weddings, not high school proms :(

I may very well just be a curmudgeon. I have been accused of it before...


#9

Boy, have times changed!

I had been accepted into a dance conservatory in my junior year at a Catholic high school in New York, so since I was no longer a student at the Catholic high school, I didn’t get to go to any prom. But my friends at my old school told me about it: The two weeks preceding prom night, there were a couple of school assemblies with showings of “Prom Night” and “Death in a Ditch,” both were films about drunken teenage driving. Both of these cinematic works could best be described as being similar to one of Andy Warhol’s earlier and poorer attempts.

The actual prom night itself: The formal dance was held in the high school gym, mimeographs were handed out about a month before outlining acceptable formal wear. A sandwich buffet was served, along with punch. The dance was patrolled by the good sisters, who broke up couples that were in full frontal contact. The cost of the event was $25 per couple, an outrageously expensive outlay in those days (late 1970’s.)

I was pretty happy that on “prom night,” I was busily studying for the Regents exams, and had a ballet rehearsal early the following morning!


#10

Prom is an opportunity to make a dream real.

What you dream is totally up to you.

You can dream about sex and sleaze and illegal drinking, and that’s what your reality will be.

Or you can dream about sweetness, innocence, fun, and making precious memories with high school friends who, in all likelihood, you will never see again once you graduate, except in pictures on Facebook.

I think that instead of assuming that all of your fellow teenagers are dreaming the first dream, you should consider the possibility of that most of them, especially the girls, are dreaming the second dream.

Prom gives a teenaged boy/man the chance to make an ordinary girl feel like a princess. Most girls dream of being princesses, and prom is a night when the dream can come true, IF the boy will go to the trouble of doing a little planning and work and be willing to spend some of his money on a mere girl instead of on something for himself. (Yes, he could save it for college, but a few hundred dollars is just a drop in the bucket compared to how much college costs. But turning a girl into a princess for one night–that’s a good investment!)

Flowers, a beautiful dress, music, dancing, twinkling lights, a fancy car (or a regular car cleaned up and shining), a delicious dinner, perhaps a get-together at a hotel with all your friends, and a kiss to end the night–good heavens, how can you possibly see evil in any of this? A girl become a princess for one night and holds the memory forever. There is nothing wrong with that.

Look for good and you will find it. Look for evil, and you will find it.

My suggestion is that you attempt to lose the cynicism and think about others.


#11

Maybe both dreams are selfish, and for different reasons.

I think prom is generally worthless. The dancing at school dances is not like anything many of the forum members saw when they were kids, I suspect. The current style is graphic and objectively immoral. The music played is questionable as well.

Friends of good moral standing might be better off hosting their own anti-prom, where they could have good discussion, a good meal, and fun all around with out any of the lewd connotations prom tends to have.


#12

I cannot attest to this more. A rule at one of the local public schools is “feet must stay on the ground during the dance”. :frowning: The teachers also shake the attendees hands when they walk in and look them in the eye to check for intoxication…

This is a good idea in theory, but it’s hard to put into practice. I wouldn’t mind doing this, but then again prom is prom. I think I would regret not going at least once, and especially to my senior prom. Furthermore, girls always seem to ‘idolize’ prom (hopefully you guys know what I mean by this :o). There isn’t a girl I know who wants to skip prom in the first place, let alone for the reasons I do.

As good as some of these ideas sound, they just aren’t going to happen any time soon :-/


#13

It’s your call, but you already know what happens at these dances, and how few redeeming qualities there are. People idolize plenty of things unnecessarily, and give worth to things that have long since become worthless. You might regret not going if you decide not to attend prom, but you’ll definitely wonder what all the fuss was about if you do end up going.


#14

My boys’ high school breathalyzes all attendees before prom as they enter and again randomly during the dance, in case someone has tried to sneak something in.

My oldest went to prom twice, and only the second time because a good friend asked him. After his second time, he advised me if I wanted to keep my other 2 boys “innocent” to not allow them to go to prom. My 17 year old has NO INTEREST and is not going. The dancing is pretty much dry h…ping while many girls wear next to nothing. I was shocked SHOCKED at what I witnessed some of the girls wearing last year during the grand march…cut up to here and down to there with not much in between…add to that 6 inch heels. Not all, but a fair number.

This is a Catholic high school.

Cost this year for tickets was $125 per couple - includes dinner and transportation to the dance.


#15

A good reason not to go, and it only strengthens my point…

:doh2:

That’s cheap: my tickets were $200 for a couple!


#16

Should that not be her wedding…???

The modern “dancing” is really sex with clothes on. My 19 year old took some video with his iPhone when he went to Prom last year…:eek::eek::eek:. The teachers try to break it up, but while they break up one area, it starts in another.

I really dislike how much money is spent on prom. My son works and gets a $300 paycheck every 2 weeks. He should not be expected to drop that on one night. Tickets run $125 per couple, plus a tux at $100, flowers at $25, incidentals…For girls it is even more…dress, hair, nails, flowers…not worth it.


#17

So true. Nothing more need be said.

I am beginning to this this as well.


#18

To see what prom has become to our culture one need only watch this:

youtube.com/watch?v=VGCtgUNgZKs

grumble


#19

Why do people complain about everything? Proms are harmless fun.


#20

If you don’t mind your daughter getting dry hu…ped on the dance floor surrounded by a group of teenagers, dressing poorly and basically giving up all morals for a night…

My oldest SON advised me to not let my other 2 sons (his brothers) attend because of what happened at both proms my son attended. He was shocked.


DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.