Proper Punishment for Peeping at Porn


#1

My 15-year-old son apparently found his way on to some porn sites. I’m thinking of punishing him by giving him some reading about the poisionous effects of pornography on teens (or anyone, for that matter). Then I will have him write a report on what he learned.

Does anyone have any good articles on this subject?
Thanks,
Denise


#2

[quote=DeniseR]My 15-year-old son apparently found his way on to some porn sites. I’m thinking of punishing him by giving him some reading about the poisionous effects of pornography on teens (or anyone, for that matter). Then I will have him write a report on what he learned.

Does anyone have any good articles on this subject?
Thanks,
Denise
[/quote]

The Bible? I don’t know of any specific stories, but Christ’s teachings on adultery are pretty good.


#3

Google gives tons of hits, for example:

protectkids.com/effects/

family.org/cforum/fosi/pornography/harm/

moralityinmedia.org/index.htm?pornsEffects.htm


#4

Ban him from the computer for like 2 weeks and get a filter like Net Nanny.


#5

[quote=Bill_A]Ban him from the computer for like 2 weeks and get a filter like Net Nanny.
[/quote]

Two weeks? Uh I’d say at least 2 months with the exception of supervised use for school things. I would change the password. That way if your son is on you’ll know about it because you’d have put in the password. And get filter sofware. Ofcourse that doesn’t stop him if he’s at a friend so educating him about the effects of porn is great. I’ll see if I can find some resources.

xxxchurch.com/ you may want to check this out


#6

I think the computer ban is fine, but I’d mix in some pastoral teaching. It may help if it came from a male figure he looks up to (Dad, Catholic friend, etc.). It’s important that young men know that sexual attractions come from God, and that the attractions are good, but that porn is a disordering of a God-given desire. Make it clear that it is grave matter, but tell him why. Being able to separate the natural desire from the disordered display will help him sort through future temptations.

In the meantime, filter, filter, filter. We use SafeEyes. I chose it because it was the only one that didn’t slow down web browsing.

Best of luck.


#7

Some ban would be good, you can decide what would be appropriate. Talking to him and coming to the decision together might help him to see you recognizing that he is moving toward adulthood, but not there yet. Also you might want to get the book, The Good News About Sex & Marriage by Christopher West. It gives a positive look at the Catholic understanding of Sex. I would recommend you read it first, but then would highly recommend you have him write a report on that for you.

Your brother,
Shock


#8

This would be a good time for the ol essay punishment. Make him write a 5 page essay on porn, it’s effect on society, and why he looked at it.


#9

Wash his eyes out with soap???


#10

FILTER

GROUND

Then remind him that those women are someone’s sister, daughter- and even MOTHER.

Not only that, but it is disrespectful to you, as his MOTHER to bring that trash into your home.

John the Baptist would never have brought trash home for his mother Elizabeth to find. Not to mention Jesus.

(I felt terrible making the analogy to Jesus, so I went with St. John. :stuck_out_tongue: )

So I wouldn’t be punishing the “pornography” alone. He obviously has a lesser respect for ‘certain’ women- those loose women that he feels like he can disengage from normal society. And he is not honoring his parents by his actions.

I’d make him write a paper on what HONOR is too.


#11

Just to make sure…was he seeking this out and viewing it or did the porn find him?

We currently have no special filters on our internet service and I can attest that a number of times I have entered very innocuous search requests which have been filled by one or more porn sites. If you do not realize it is porn by the name and open it, there are some sites that will send mail to you once you have “visited” their site. It’s very disturbing and for this reason we never allow our kids on-line without one of us parents sitting next to them.

However…it he was seeking it out…this is an opportunity for both education and serious consequences.


#12

First of all, I think it is important to let your son know that you understand his curiosity at his age and that curiosity is normal. You don’t want to react in a way that would shame him in an unhealthy way with lasting damaging effects.
The best way, in my opinion, to convey to him and teach him the beauty of sex the way God created it and intended it - is to teach him “Theology of the Body.” Christopher West has some wonderful books and tapes that explain and expand on Pope John Paul II’s writings on the subject.
It has literally changed my life, my husband’s life - and is in the process of changing our children’s lives.
In fact, my husband and I just got home from the first parent’s meeting with our wonderful parish priest who will be teaching a course to our high school youth on “Theology of the Body.” How blessed we are!!
Secondly, I would definitely get software that prevents him from temptation.
And - as my dear mother always said, “Temptation is not a sin; it is a call to battle!”


#13

[quote=Brendan]Wash his eyes out with soap???
[/quote]

Soap wears off too soon. Hot coals. Works every time. And… acid on the palms…then he knows that you know why he’s doing it.
And he’ll actually believe that doing this stuff can make you blind.


#14

Then remind him that those women are someone’s sister, daughter- and even MOTHER

Or wife…

An adult man could be shown Matt 5, 28, but I would be careful with this verse around teenagers who can’t always tell healthy attraction or appreciation of the beauty of the human body from sinful lusting (I already have much of a problem with it, being a young adult, let alone when I was a teenager). One doesn’t want him to end up thinking that women are seductresses and lead men to evil or some such (too much of this stuff can make one gay, too). Perhaps take him to to a museum and show him some renaissance or baroque art, stressing that both this art and porn contain nudity but whereas the former is a tribute to the beauty of a female body (even if still can end up being misguided), the latter makes women objects of sexual gratification of males?

I would definitely show him the fifth chapter of Ephesians where it says that husbands should love their spouses as Christ loves the church. Porn is so blatantly incompatible with that. But appreciation for her beauty and feminity surely is not - perhaps have him read the Song of Songs, as well? Coupled with Ephesians it should show him a better world. Perhaps you could suggest including Corinthians 13, 4-7 in his prayers? He’s fifteen, so it’s high time he started praying for the right girl. By praying for her I mean not only asking for her but also praying for her whoever she is and wherever she is now.

Two months without a computer and the internet is harsh, very harsh. Considering what two months without the internet would mean to me, I doubt I could give it as punishment. Although I’m still not saying it’s a wrong punishment - perhaps I am too lenient. People depend on this thing so much nowadays, especially teenagers. Perhaps it would make him think twice before watching porn ever again, but it might as well make him dodge your punishment by going to friends or using the computers at school. I would focus on reading the relevant Scripture and meditating on it and praying, only being careful so as not make him see prayer or reading the Scripture as punishment. Perhaps you could talk to the priest who will be hearing his confession.

There’s also one more thing. Men are supposed to be honourable. Porn is not honourable. And it makes one less of a man. Guys end up sorely regretting ever looking on the stuff. I am one of such guys.


#15

As the mother of a 14 year old son… take him to confesssion, Father should have a great impact on him. This reminds the boy that sin is sin.

The punishment should be as severe as breaking other rules, if he were caught cheating at school or lying to you. For us, it would be a good grounding.


#16

[quote=Catholic2003]Google gives tons of hits, for example:

protectkids.com/effects/

family.org/cforum/fosi/pornography/harm/

moralityinmedia.org/index.htm?pornsEffects.htm
[/quote]

Thanks for those links. I have a couple of others here.

I’ll be adding yours shortly. Thanks again.


#17

[quote=TNT]Soap wears off too soon. Hot coals. Works every time. And… acid on the palms…then he knows that you know why he’s doing it.
And he’ll actually believe that doing this stuff can make you blind.
[/quote]

Yea, I was thinking hot poker in the eyes… would that be too harsh?


#18

The problem with a “punishment” is that it is uninsightful. I was curious as a teen. I peeked. I was caught. I was punished. It did no good. I peeked more, and more, and more, and developed a years-long juvenile masturbation habit, which really did stunt my emotional growth, and left deep scars. It took years to recover.

So, with my sons I tried a different tack. When I taught them the birds and the bees, I offered to show them some really beautiful girls (dignified positions, only) in some soft-core porn, if they were curious. All declined. I taught them that girls carry the beauty of God in their bodies in a special way, and that God gave us the power to control ourselves in accessing that special beauty, which includes the power to break His rules and access it when we shouldn’t. I told them that it was their choice, that I couldn’t control them, and that if they did abuse the power, by accessing female beauty and human sexuality when they shouldn’t, they would discover that breaking the rules has negative consequences – that, among other things, they would hate themselves, afterward.

I described to them how I caved into and fed my shyness as a youth, with a long term participation in an un-ending porn and masturbation cycle, and I said that while one does it, it feels great, but afterwards one always feel dead, and one gets deader and deader and deader as time progresses, until the self-abuser realizes that he is just a pig who rolled around in the slop a lot, and never got out of the mud into life.

I tell them, “Gentlemen, if you enjoy sex within the constraints of the Church’s rules, you’ll realize that it is a gift from God.”

Recently, I caught one kid peeking. The picture he accessed was that of a very beautiful naked girl. I told him that it was alright to be curious, and asked him if he wanted to look at more, with me sitting there. He declined.


#19

[quote=DeniseR]My 15-year-old son apparently found his way on to some porn sites. I’m thinking of punishing him by giving him some reading about the poisionous effects of pornography on teens (or anyone, for that matter). Then I will have him write a report on what he learned.

Does anyone have any good articles on this subject?
Thanks,
Denise
[/quote]

PLEASE…do not try and just “punish” him other than taking away the computer for a little while, or at least do not make it look like a punishment…think of it as a penance, but this is not the time to be an angry parent, but keep in mind frequency and if this is a reapeat offense…I’ll let you figure that out…:wink:
This advice comes from a 25 year old male…Being a young man is one of the the most confusing things I can think of.
Not to be gross, but women are so beautiful to me that I get quesy and it makes me want to throw up.:whacky: :love:
He needs your complete honesty and support and not a condesending parent. I don’t mean to sound crazy but you need to find a way to get rid of the pornography mentality in him and let him know what true beauty is. Pornography will completely ruin a young man’s mind in a way he will never understand because even if you see it for a little while, and then quit, the effects will haunt him for an untold of time and only prayer and self mortification will help to cure it. Do not be afraid of this one even though sex/pornography is a rough subject…
First of all, don’t forget to pray for him and get our Blessed Mother and St. Joseph in on this:thumbsup: .
As far as what to do, this is where it pays not to be afraid to confront him. Feel free to take him out to dinner (you or his father) or something like that and let him know that you are his mother and you love him with out being that sort of “corny” about it like teenagers hate (I’ve been there and even though I love my mom more now, parents can be embarrasing…unfourtunately that is the attitude). If his father is there to do this it may be better…but point out to him how beautiful women REALLY are. Try to angle it from his standpoint put him in the shoes ofa a married man and how he would have his heart torn in two if his wife was involved in pornography even though he didn’t know and care so much about her…basically you have to go for appealing to his heart on this one.
I think Pope John Paul II said something like “the problem with pornography is not only that is shows too much, but that it doesn’t show the whole person…” something along those lines. Let him know that why you can’t control his sexuality that you care about him and hope that he will always remember to follow his heart, God, and not his friends or his sex drive. Let him know that yes, men look at pornography and think perverted sexual thoughts about women…but that REAL men do not, and would sooner die than allow a woman (especially one they love) to be defilled in such a way and would even shed their blood before harming his purity…try to get him into praying for himself too…If I may make another recommendation, find a saint (along with The Virgin Mary and St Joseph) highly regarded for her purity like St. Maria Goretti. Our Lady and St. Joseph are for him to see the example for purity and to pray to (let us not forget his Guardian angel either and he can even consider a good male saint too…but the female saint is for this reason…have him pray to her and ask this saint how SHE would want to been seen by a man and how God wills us to see the opposite sex and for her to teach him as a friend about purity and help him in his relationships with women etc…
This may sound funny, but you’ll have to trust it as much as you can…I know of no other way a man can be saved from impurity except through God and with his faithful servants of Mary, and the saints.
Hope that helps.


#20

[quote=DeniseR]My 15-year-old son apparently found his way on to some porn sites. I’m thinking of punishing him by giving him some reading about the poisionous effects of pornography on teens (or anyone, for that matter). Then I will have him write a report on what he learned.

Does anyone have any good articles on this subject?
Thanks,
Denise
[/quote]

I think the best punishment is to talk to him directly about it, I know if my mom found out i was looking at porn, and obviously acting upon that lust, I would have just died if she would have caught me or just openly mentioned that she knew :smiley:

and use really techincal terms for body parts…that will help further the embarrasment …:rotfl:


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