Prostate cancer and sexuality

An important question has come up between my wife and I. One of the after effects of my prostate surgery was that my penis doesn’t stiffen and so penetration of my wife is impossible. I can still have an erection of sorts, however since the prostate glands are no longer present there is no semen. My wife thinks that pursuing intimacy to the point of orgasm for her and erection for me is mutual masturbation. My opinion is that no seperation is being placed between love and life because the life giving aspect to intimacy is no longer possible. By the way we are both in our early 50s and have 8 children. I am sorry this is so blunt but the problem can’t be described in more delicate terms. Thanks.

Jeffrey,

First of all, let me say that I pray that you may find healing in your battle with cancer, as God will it.

The Church’s standard regarding morally licit (good, virtuous) sexual relationships is mostly ontological. In other words sexual relationships are good and virtuous as long as
[LIST]
*]You are man and woman
*]You are married
*]The man’s penis is able to enter the woman’s vagina.[/LIST]To my knowledge, being unable to ejaculate does not make sexual intercourse morally illicit. I do know for sure that being infertile does not.

Even though procreation is no longer part of your act of sex (the same would be true for a post-menopausal woman), your sexual relationship continues to have value for the purpose of bonding you together and celebrating your family. Keep that focus and your sexual relationship won’t enter into mutual masturbation.

I hope this helps a little.

I don’t see how this could be a moral problem. From watching a lot of television I am told almost every man besides me needs a prescription aid for erectile disfunction.

As long as you intend to complete the marriage act I don’t see how it could be sinful to attempt it just because a medical condition causes a failure. Are you sure ejaculation is permanently impossible? If your testicles are still in place and working, some sperm are still being produced, but the seminal fluid is absent. You might want to check with your physician, I don’t want to play doctor on the internet.

Be good to your wife. Impotence is an impediment to contracting a new marriage if you lose her. In the meantime we will all be praying for people like you who want to do the right thing.

If you can’t have intercourse then you should not by other means give her an orgasm.

She doesn’t have to orgasm during penetration, but it does have to take place in the context intercourse meaning that before or after the act, intercourse has to take place.

This is no doubt a very difficult situation, but your wife is right about it being just “mutual masturbation”. You should confess this if you haven’t already.

I’m sorry that this aspect of your marriage is no longer possible, hopefully you may regain this at some point. It has to be difficult, but in every struggle God is there to bring His blessings.

Good luck, thoughts and prayers are with you.

My understanding was that intercourse is possible. If intercourse is not possible, then I would have to agree with 06convert. If intercourse is possible, then I still say there is no sin involved in sexual intimacy that involves intercourse in your given situation.

How did you dig up such an old thread?

It came up in a search and I noticed that nobody had responded to it. It seemed like an important post. I didn’t even notice it was almost four years old.

I AM really sorry that this guy did not get a reply back then. However, a quick check says he’s been gone since shortly after that post. Usually, the moderator locks old stuff like this if they find it. I don’t know why they don’t have an automatic lock function for stuff over a year old or so. They like us to open new threads. Of course when you are trying to answer a question, you won’t want to open a new thread. I hope the OP got the help he needed somewhere.

Another guy with a similar issue posted a few months back and that guy got the answer. It’s a shame we don’t have some sort of “FAQ” for this but hey, that’s not the purpose of forums.

BTW, that is one neat website concept you have there. I will explore it. Thanks!

This thread is nearly four years old- and it hadn’t been posted on since it’s original post. There are plenty of new and current discussions to be a part of, and if something hasn’t been talked about recently, you can always start a new thread on it.

To the original poster, I am very sorry you have/had cancer, but I do not need to know the details of your sex life. Your post is too graphic- and frankly, is disgusting to read. I’m sorry to contradict you here, but yes- you could have been less blunt (a lot less so).

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.