Pure Dating advice


#1

Hi, this is my first post and i am looking for some solid advice. My girlfriend and I are in our second year of college, and started dating last summer. We have been best friends since the 7th grade, and it since turned into a dating relationship. She had been sexually active in the past, and I have not. And that is where the problem is. She isn't Catholic, but is considering converting after discussions we have had over the years, and with that, she is committed to waiting until marriage. However, it has been extremely hard. We know eachother so well, and it seems that we skipped the getting to know eachother part of dating, because we have been close for so many years. We have been able to stop ourselves short of having intercourse, but we have explored eachother sexually in every other way... I find myself going to confession every single Saturday, and she goes with and prays in the pew. Every Saturday, I make a committment to live a chaste life, but after a few days, we fall back into an occassion that turns to sin. Even while we do "things" I want to stop, but it is just so hard to. I really want to be a good person and servant of God, and I don't feel like I am when I have to go to confession every week. I know His forgiveness doesn't run out, but I am just so humiliated going to the same priest every week. I'm also terrified of sinning and dying before I confess. BTW my girlfriend is on the same page as me, she wants to stop and wait until marriage too, except she isn't worried about the mortal part of the sin I guess. Any advice would be appreciated


#2

[quote="dt629, post:1, topic:237794"]
She had been sexually active in the past, and I have not. And that is where the problem is.

[/quote]

That isn't the problem per se. The problem is that she has been sexually active and doesn't understand [yet] why it was wrong and why she should regret it.

She isn't Catholic, but is considering converting after discussions we have had over the years

Not a bad thing, but get suckered into waiting for this conversion forever. Faith comes first.

she is committed to waiting until marriage.

Your post says otherwise about her and about you

However, it has been extremely hard.

As my favourite saint would say... be a man! Many things are hard. Stop making excuses.

We have been able to stop ourselves short of having intercourse, but we have explored eachother sexually in every other way...

You've stopped short of penetration but done everything else. Yeah, don't kid yourself buddy, you're having sex. And I can bet that you've had penetrative sex many times in your own head, right?

I find myself going to confession every single Saturday, and she goes with and prays in the pew.

That's good.

Every Saturday, I make a committment to live a chaste life, but after a few days, we fall back into an occassion that turns to sin.

You're not gonna like this but you're not ready for a relationship mate. You said it yourself - your entire relationship is putting you at risk of sin. You need to sort yourself out with God first. You need to learn how to control your lust and urges. You need to learn what it means to love God, yourself and women.

Even while we do "things" I want to stop, but it is just so hard to.

It's not hard. Be a man. Jesus Christ was betrayed, tortured and crucified for you and you're complaining that not having sex is hard?

I really want to be a good person and servant of God

Excellent! I can see that the Holy Spirit is pulling at your heart. You need to say "Yes" now.

Any advice would be appreciated

First, break up. This relationship is putting you at risk of sinning. You are destroying your relationship with God and you are putting 2 precious children of God at risk [yourself and this girl]. You're also betraying your future wife, and her future husband.

Secondly, go to your Priest in confession and tell him your thoughts and feelings. Don't just tell him the sins, tell him how you feel, what is stopping you from following God, open up to him. He will guide you, I am sure.

Third, browse chastity.com and definitely pick up a few books. Jason Evert has a few but the best book I can recommend is "The Good News about Sex and Marriage" by Chris West.

Lastly, but most importantly, pray. Pray with this girl, together. Pray when you are tempted. Pray for strength. Pray that you may have the courage to say no to the flesh and yes to Jesus Christ.

I'm sorry my post has been blunt. Sometimes it's necessary though. Man to man my friend!

A few quotes:

"Lust indulged became habit, and habit unresisted became necessity."
- St. Augustine

"When you have sought the company of a sensual satisfaction, what loneliness afterward!"
- St. Josemaria Escriva

"To defend his purity, Saint Francis of Assisi rolled in the snow, Saint Benedict threw himself into a thornbush, Saint Bernard plunged into an icy pond . . . You . . . what have you done?"
- St. Josemaria Escriva

"Don't say, 'That's the way I am-its my character.' It's your lack of character. Esto vir!-Be a man!"
- St. Josemaria Escriva


#3

[quote="dt629, post:1, topic:237794"]
Hi, this is my first post and i am looking for some solid advice. My girlfriend and I are in our second year of college, and started dating last summer. We have been best friends since the 7th grade, and it since turned into a dating relationship. She had been sexually active in the past, and I have not. And that is where the problem is. She isn't Catholic, but is considering converting after discussions we have had over the years, and with that, she is committed to waiting until marriage. However, it has been extremely hard. We know eachother so well, and it seems that we skipped the getting to know eachother part of dating, because we have been close for so many years. We have been able to stop ourselves short of having intercourse, but we have explored eachother sexually in every other way... I find myself going to confession every single Saturday, and she goes with and prays in the pew. Every Saturday, I make a committment to live a chaste life, but after a few days, we fall back into an occassion that turns to sin. Even while we do "things" I want to stop, but it is just so hard to. I really want to be a good person and servant of God, and I don't feel like I am when I have to go to confession every week. I know His forgiveness doesn't run out, but I am just so humiliated going to the same priest every week. I'm also terrified of sinning and dying before I confess. BTW my girlfriend is on the same page as me, she wants to stop and wait until marriage too, except she isn't worried about the mortal part of the sin I guess. Any advice would be appreciated

[/quote]

First off, I think NewsTheMan is going too far.
Don't listen to his words about your girl friend. You both sound like normal people who are trying. NewsThemMan needs a reality check. All people are sinners and we all fall short every day. I hardly ever met a person who has never done some sin in the sexual area (such as watching porn, masturbating, or going too far with the girl friend or boy friend). The ones who do succeed in being totally pure are most often the ones who have a strong will in this area, who have grown up in protected Catholic environments, or who married early and happend to have a strong chaste partner in their first and only relationship. Some people are virgins who look down on others who didn't make it. I know some of these and I was one myself. I thought: gosh how can that happen to a person, to loose one's purity? But its a very human thing.. first the pride, and then the test which many people fail at at the first rush of passions. Some people are so ugly that others wouldnt touch them with a stick.. that's also a good protection against pre-marial sex, but it says little about their actual virtue which - if it has never been tested in a passionate relationship - is purely hypothetical.

A lot of couples who are in love and in a relationship and who are no longer teenagers - that is, don't have their parent's house to hang out at, have difficulties with chastity.

Some people have great will power in that area.. some people are very emotionally or psysically passionate, and these must be extra careful.

You are not having sex, but you know you have ruined your innocence a lot. No matter what people say there is an important leap between what you do now, and having intercourse. My guess is that you will have intercourse really soon, if you dont make a total reformation in your relationship.
This will demand the serious cooperation of both of you. Sit down and have a talk about exactly where you each start feeling aroused and then set a limit before that. It might be that there is no more passionate kissing. It might be there will only be meetings in cafes and parks and not in the rooms any more. It will demand that you are serious about it and about the love for each other and this relationship. Premarital sex damages relationships. I have a dear friend who had sex before marriage. The couple is married now, but she sometimes tells me; of course it will never go away, the feeling that he didn't think I was worth waiting for. Also the same person admitted that when she and her boyfriend started the physical aspect, the getting to really know each other - and coming closer to God as a couple- pretty much stopped.

Many times we overestimate ourselves. We think we are strong and in control, and we are not. Some years ago I feel madly in love reciprocally. There I went into all kinds of stupid situations.. I couldn't understand that virginity is a fragile thing which is easily lost in a heated moment. I couldn't imagine it could happen to me that I'd loose it .. but I did. And it was the worst moment of my life, and I can honestly say that if you truly love yourself, your girl friend and the Lord, you will stop going into these occasions. You will be very very sorry shortly if you don't step back now.

In my last relationship I often went over the line with my boyfriend.. It also caused havoc. But I thank God every day that we didn't have sex, because there were times where I was very weak. My boyfriend had an iron will in that regard and I will always respect him for that and think of him as really manly in the fact that he mastered himself much more than any guy I've met before.

The sexual passion is a very strong one. Its perfectly normal to have to struggle with it. But remember this is the hour of the test, and what you do now will impact you beyond what you can see in this moment.

Another advice is that you get married really soon. How about that? How old are you?


#4

Too far? Have you not read what Our Lady said about the souls in hell? Have you not noticed that western morality is falling to pieces precisely because of lack of sexual morality? The Saints tell us to run away from sin, especially sexual sin.

I didn’t say we aren’t all sinners. I am also perfectly aware of reality - and what I’ve said are very much in touch with reality. Did you not read the guys post? This relationship is driving them both towards sin. There is no place for being soft and saying “Ah well you’re both trying”. People need to realize we are all called to be Saints, and men especially are called to protect the purity of women.

Clearly the OP has tried, but it hasn’t been working. Something radical needs to be done and what I have suggested isn’t even that radical.

[quote=GraceDK]Another advice is that you get married really soon. How about that? How old are you?
[/quote]

Your advice for people struggling with impurity is for them to get married? This is not a solution, this is a quick fix. Purity is a mindset, chastity is a virtue. Getting married won’t solve the problem, it will make it worse.

It would be like telling an alcoholic that the cure for his problem is to go to the bar.


#5

NewsTheMan,
Too far? Have you not read what Our Lady said about the souls in hell?

No I haven't. Interesting. Please quote for me a binding faith document that states something about that.. and not a private revelation. Thanks.

Have you not noticed that western morality is falling to pieces precisely because of lack of sexual morality? The Saints tell us to run away from sin, especially sexual sin.

*Yes indeed. But it's very human, when two people are in love and attracted to each other, that the longing for closeness with the other is great, That intimacy - which itself is wonderful - is what however creates a dangerous situation often, because by its nature it wishes to go seperately from the rest of the world and be alone with the beloved.
You need to see this in its many facets. There is a hierarchy of sins, of which pride is at the top and where sensual sins are at the bottom. Jesus bore them all on the cross, and thereby He shows us the horror of sin. However, there are many, many people, even married faithful Catholics who are practicing NFP who have a difficulty keeping their hands off each other all the time. All these people shouldn't split up. Splitting up doesn't solve things. We are fallen beings, remember.
You might think I am a worse sinner than all others, but I admit freely that in every relationship I have been in there have been temptations and failings in the area of chastity. This is very bad. I, like the OP, have confessed such sins too many times.. but it was my disillusionment and shame that made me cast myself away from God. It was my great guilt, thinking that this sin is the worst that can ever befall a person.. it was PRIDE that made me so sick with myself back then! Its also pride that says to seperate from the beloved because there is no room for falling in the Kingdom, where God made the confessional which the OP uses.
The need and longing for nearness are beautiful, but they need to happen in the right setting or they have potential of doing great damage to ourselves and the one's we love. *

I didn't say we aren't all sinners. I am also perfectly aware of reality - and what I've said are very much in touch with reality. Did you not read the guys post? This relationship is driving them both towards sin. There is no place for being soft and saying "Ah well you're both trying". People need to realize we are all called to be Saints, and men especially are called to protect the purity of women.

I think that trying is a great thing brother. Think about it: If people really actually try, then they will also master themselves, because Christ has given us the grace to win over sins and repent from them. You say the relationship is driving them both towards sin. Thats not how I read the OP's post at all. I saw a post about a young couple who are very much in love, have a great friendship, are serious about the faith.. all in all I think this relationship sounds in many ways very good. Why do you wish it to reduce it to the one point in which its not successful?

Clearly the OP has tried, but it hasn't been working. Something radical needs to be done and what I have suggested isn't even that radical.

Ending it is radical. Besides.. they will merely be heart broken and then they will probably need to deal with the chastity issue in their next relationships.. Splitting up is no solution.

Your advice for people struggling with impurity is for them to get married? This is not a solution, this is a quick fix. Purity is a mindset, chastity is a virtue. Getting married won't solve the problem, it will make it worse.

*I didn't imply any quick fix. I ask if marriage is a possibility, if they both are old enough and love each other very much. *


#6

No binding faith document exists on what Our Lady said :) But it is approved, and it does sound just about right to me anyway!

*Yes indeed. But it's very human, when two people are in love and attracted to each other, that the longing for closeness with the other is great, That intimacy - which itself is wonderful - is what however creates a dangerous situation often, because by its nature it wishes to go seperately from the rest of the world and be alone with the beloved.
You need to see this in its many facets. There is a hierarchy of sins, of which pride is at the top and where sensual sins are at the bottom. Jesus bore them all on the cross, and thereby He shows us the horror of sin. However, there are many, many people, even married faithful Catholics who are practicing NFP who have a difficulty keeping their hands off each other all the time. All these people shouldn't split up. Splitting up doesn't solve things. We are fallen beings, remember.
You might think I am a worse sinner than all others, but I admit freely that in every relationship I have been in there have been temptations and failings in the area of chastity. This is very bad. I, like the OP, have confessed such sins too many times.. but it was my disillusionment and shame that made me cast myself away from God. It was my great guilt, thinking that this sin is the worst that can ever befall a person.. it was PRIDE that made me so sick with myself back then! Its also pride that says to seperate from the beloved because there is no room for falling in the Kingdom, where God made the confessional which the OP uses.
The need and longing for nearness are beautiful, but they need to happen in the right setting or they have potential of doing great damage to ourselves and the one's we love. *

I see, so you have a personal investment in this rather than looking at it objectively and guiding someone on the most prudential judgement available to them that benefits their soul? Nothing in the above is all that relevant. There are things I agree with, and things I can't speak about either way except to say it sounds like you have a personal issue with this. Fine by me I suppose - but nobody asked you to critique my post and give your opinion on it. You could've said where you thought I was wrong perhaps.

I think that trying is a great thing brother. Think about it: If people really actually try, then they will also master themselves, because Christ has given us the grace to win over sins and repent from them. You say the relationship is driving them both towards sin. Thats not how I read the OP's post at all. I saw a post about a young couple who are very much in love, have a great friendship, are serious about the faith.. all in all I think this relationship sounds in many ways very good. Why do you wish it to reduce it to the one point in which its not successful?

Christ gives us grace to overcome. That doesn't mean we should put ourselves at risk. Catholicism is pro-active in that way. I also saw a young couple in love with a great friendship and who try to be serious about the faith. That doesn't exclude the fact that bad things are happening and are happening despite their efforts. I see naivety in the OP and on your part. If everything was solved by "we're young and in love" there'd be a lot less drama in this world. Furthermore I am not reducing it to one point on which it is not successful - not that that would be wrong considering why OP posted here and the content. Imagine I said that I had a girlfriend who is perfect in all ways... except that together we murder people.

Ending it is radical. Besides.. they will merely be heart broken and then they will probably need to deal with the chastity issue in their next relationships.. Splitting up is no solution.

Ending it is not radical. They are not married. They are young, and they can remain friends. Heartbreak is not evil. It sucks, but I am heartbroken by many things but my soul and the soul of people I love is more important. Breaking Jesus' heart is more important. Splitting up is a solution if you'll look past the emotions and naivety.

*I didn't imply any quick fix. I ask if marriage is a possibility, if they both are old enough and love each other very much. *

You said "get married really soon" and offered it as "advice".

It is, and remains, bad advice. He came here struggling with chastity and you're advice was to get married. That doesn't solve his problem.

I'm sorry but you seem to be heavily invested in this and you can't seem to see the bigger picture here. What if it were your son or daughter? Would you say "Ah it's okay you're in love and trying hard".


#7

[quote="dt629, post:1, topic:237794"]
Hi, this is my first post and i am looking for some solid advice. My girlfriend and I are in our second year of college, and started dating last summer. We have been best friends since the 7th grade, and it since turned into a dating relationship. She had been sexually active in the past, and I have not. And that is where the problem is. She isn't Catholic, but is considering converting after discussions we have had over the years, and with that, she is committed to waiting until marriage. However, it has been extremely hard. We know eachother so well, and it seems that we skipped the getting to know eachother part of dating, because we have been close for so many years. We have been able to stop ourselves short of having intercourse, but we have explored eachother sexually in every other way... I find myself going to confession every single Saturday, and she goes with and prays in the pew. Every Saturday, I make a committment to live a chaste life, but after a few days, we fall back into an occassion that turns to sin. Even while we do "things" I want to stop, but it is just so hard to. I really want to be a good person and servant of God, and I don't feel like I am when I have to go to confession every week. I know His forgiveness doesn't run out, but I am just so humiliated going to the same priest every week. I'm also terrified of sinning and dying before I confess. BTW my girlfriend is on the same page as me, she wants to stop and wait until marriage too, except she isn't worried about the mortal part of the sin I guess. Any advice would be appreciated

[/quote]

Draw and agree on clear boundary lines. Points that you definitely both agree that you will not get to, and will both stop each other from going to if one starts. If you just have a vague, "we shouldn't have sex," but don't have a clear boundary other than that, things can be harder. If you're in your second year of college, you are probable at least 2 years (maybe more) from getting married, so this means you really shouldn't be doing all that much.

-One piece of advice I was given soon after I started dating was to follow the "one-piece bathing suit rule," ie your hands never go anywhere below the waist (at all) or anywhere above the waist that would normally be covered by a one piece bathing suit. It's just a general guideline, but you get the idea.
- You shouldn't really be involved in extended kissing at the moment. Holding hands, an arm around the should, a kiss goodnight is fair, but not much more. Cuddling on the sofa while watching a movie; this might be fine 5/7 days of the week, but if you find there's a day or two when it's not, you need to recognize that. On these days, turn off the movie and play a board game, go for a walk, do something else.
- Men's bodies aren't exactly the same every day. For example, suppose you realize that point E is wrong and you can't get to that point, but point D is ok. Now some days you might be able to get to point D without risk of being tempted to go further. But, other days, if you got to point D, you might be strongly tempted to go further. In this case, you would need to stop at point C. It's up to you to learn to recognize where these points are.
- agree on your boundaries and agree that you will stop each other from going further if one of your slips.
- Make readjustments. You slip up one week, figure out why and what adjustment you would need to make so you don't make that mistake again.
- Keep trying.


#8

[quote="NewsTheMan, post:6, topic:237794"]
No binding faith document exists on what Our Lady said :) But it is approved, and it does sound just about right to me anyway!

I see, so you have a personal investment in this rather than looking at it objectively and guiding someone on the most prudential judgement available to them that benefits their soul? Nothing in the above is all that relevant. There are things I agree with, and things I can't speak about either way except to say it sounds like you have a personal issue with this. Fine by me I suppose - but nobody asked you to critique my post and give your opinion on it. You could've said where you thought I was wrong perhaps.

Christ gives us grace to overcome. That doesn't mean we should put ourselves at risk. Catholicism is pro-active in that way. I also saw a young couple in love with a great friendship and who try to be serious about the faith. That doesn't exclude the fact that bad things are happening and are happening despite their efforts. I see naivety in the OP and on your part. If everything was solved by "we're young and in love" there'd be a lot less drama in this world. Furthermore I am not reducing it to one point on which it is not successful - not that that would be wrong considering why OP posted here and the content. Imagine I said that I had a girlfriend who is perfect in all ways... except that together we murder people.

Ending it is not radical. They are not married. They are young, and they can remain friends. Heartbreak is not evil. It sucks, but I am heartbroken by many things but my soul and the soul of people I love is more important. Breaking Jesus' heart is more important. Splitting up is a solution if you'll look past the emotions and naivety.

You said "get married really soon" and offered it as "advice".

It is, and remains, bad advice. He came here struggling with chastity and you're advice was to get married. That doesn't solve his problem.

I'm sorry but you seem to be heavily invested in this and you can't seem to see the bigger picture here. What if it were your son or daughter? Would you say "Ah it's okay you're in love and trying hard".

[/quote]

I feel you are putting words into my mouth which I didn't say.
You say I am heavily invested. How so? Because I speak from the side of humanity whereas you speak of the side of the angels, like you have little idea about the complexities and dynamics of most human love relationships.
Sorry, but you seem like the one who is heavily invested.
I think you don't see the facets of human life, when you advice people to split up because they fall out of weakness. I know many godloving married couples who struggled with chastity before they got married. They stayed together while they struggled for purity and I think thats great.

You are the one who doesn't see the bigger picture. You sit there and talk about hell, while we deal with a young couple who are serious about God and go to confession everytime they have fallen into sin.
If it were my son or dauhter and they were in a comitted relationship, struggled with chastity and went to confession when they had crossed the line I'd be pretty content as a parent.
I wish to remind you that Christopher West, Jason and Chrystalina Evert and many others who advocate chastity do it because they have seen from the inside that unchastity is not good for people. I come from that same point. You might discredit me because I say chastity is hard, but I have given a pretty scary testimony to the OP precisely to tell him what can happen if you are not careful.
I believe that making him understand what kind of LOVE he is called to, is a better incentive for him than talking about hell.

Ps. I didn't think you could quote a binding faith document. What you quoted was a socalled private revelation, which is not very relevant for me and many people. Whereas sexual sin is grave, do not forget that many people who fall into this sin fall into despair because of their inability to be perfect in this area. Thus, not sexual sin, but the despair that comes from thinking its the worst sin in the world/=pride, is one of the biggest reasons why young Catholics leave the Church.


#9

Young Catholics (and old Catholics alike) leave the Church not because they despair but because they are too obstinate to accept the Church’s teaching and unwilling to suppress their passions.

This is prideful, yes, but despair implies that they wanted it to be fixed in the first place. Many want to continue their sins, not correct them.


#10

I gotta say brother, i’m mostly with NewsTheMan on this one.

I’m surprised the OP suggested marriage as a solution.Take it from a young married couple, there can be A LOT of abstinence even in marriage and when you’re sleeping in the same bed with the person every single night it doesn’t make it any easier.

Only you know the 2 of you well enough to make a call whether you should break up or whether things can be salvaged, but if you do want to salvage them you have to accept that you have to undergo a major transformation (with the grace of the Holy SPirit) and that you need an action plan, be clear in your boundaries and set them ahead of time. i.e If a peck on the lips is gonna lead to french kissing, then to fondling then to undressing etc than you have to stop before the peck on the lips.

I’m not gonna lie, it can be SO hard but once you have an open discussion about it and establish boundries and turn your relationship more towards prayer and servitude, you will see that your relationship will become more pure and will deepen as a result.

One thing that would make it easy is to try to always have people around you or to spend llimited time in places alone.


#11

Exactly this!

I wouldn’t suggest splitting up unless there is nothing between you but the physical stuff. If you love each other, you need to figure out how to spend less time in situations that turn into an occasion to sin.

Good luck.


#12

Thanks for your thoughts so far. As far as the marriage idea goes, we have discussed that at length. We are 21 and 20 years old, and we agree that it wouldn’t be financially responsible to start a family at this point, especially with our college tuitions and law school after that. As for breaking up, certainly has been a thought in my mind, but not a serious one. With the serious discussions about marriage, and marriage a definite possibility between the two of us, breaking up doesn’t seem like the right thing to do. Our physical struggles does not define our relationship, it is the main obstacle though.
To modify what I’ve said for some posters, by we are “committed,” I really mean we are trying to be committed to waiting. I’m not naive, I know the seriousness of our situation, and what the Church teaches.


#13

[quote="danserr, post:7, topic:237794"]

  • Men's bodies aren't exactly the same every day. For example, suppose you realize that point E is wrong and you can't get to that point, but point D is ok. Now some days you might be able to get to point D without risk of being tempted to go further. But, other days, if you got to point D, you might be strongly tempted to go further. In this case, you would need to stop at point C. It's up to you to learn to recognize where these points are.

[/quote]

:whistle: This is a problem for women too, so your girlfriend should be doing the same. And you should be explaining this to each other - so that you will know what particular things, situations, etc., need to be avoided.

Seriously, like some other posters have said, you both need to talk this through, in detail, and figure out ground rules that will keep you pure.

And if that comes down to things like always being in public, no extended kissing at all, etc., etc., then that's what you do. No exceptions.

I don't think your situation is totally uncommon - many dating couples learn ground rules through trial and error. But, if you're going to Confession week after week, and having the same problems over and over......then, whatever you're doing is NOT working, and you need to devise something new.

Also, get your girlfriend involved in praying together - pray specifically for chastity. Study books on the Theology of the Body together. Go to mass together, and, if possible, Adoration together.


#14

This is something that I think most young people, especially in today’s world struggle with. I will be honest and say that it is something I struggle with as well. I will share with you tidbits in what has gone one with my lady and I, take from it what you want, don’t take what you don’t want, it’s really up to you.

I have been with her for six months, and she is truly, without a doubt, the love of my life. I know that she is the one I am going to marry. We have most certainly struggled with chastity, not quite to the degree of you, OP, but it has been a struggle. One of the biggest things we did was make sure we knew where not to be alone. For example, if you find that being alone together in a car is what is making you struggle, make sure you are not alone in your car together.

We agreed when we made up a contract together that we would not sit alone on the same couch when we are alone at her house. Most of the time when I have been there, one or more of her roommates have been there, but there have been times where we have had to separate because we have been alone. The simple hand holding in those times we are on different couches has been more intimate than any stupid dalliance could ever be.

However, your biggest friend in all of this is prayer. Prayer, prayer, and more prayer. Ask for intercession from different saints, the Blessed Mother, and offer up as many masses to purity and chastity as possible. Adoration if you can is also great.

You’ll know you are with the one when you would do anything to make sure you do not hurt them. ESPECIALLY when it comes to purity and chastity. I know that in the time I have been with my girlfriend, I have fallen LESS to sins of the flesh than I ever have before. That is partly because I want to defend her honor but also a huge chunk of it is the graces I have received from God through prayer in this area. As well as the intercession of the saints. I will most certainly be praying for you.


#15

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