I and my girlfriend have been struggling to have a decent relationship, which is hard in today’s world. We have sinned plenty of times but we are looking foward to start again, every time more convinced that some things were REALLY designed to be used between married couples, only.
We almost thought she was pregnant. Thank God she wasn’t. We are both Catholic and we struggle to respect the Church’s teaching, but as I mentioned, it’s haaaaaaaaaaard. Any tips are appreciated!
I’m very grateful to St.Rita of Cascia for a special intention related to these issues.
Please pray for us.
PS: I can’t find any of the books you usually mention about chastity in my country. I’m currently reading some which were given to be by the local Opus Dei centre.
If you can’t control yourself, don’t put yourself in situations where you can be tempted to go wrong.
Chaperones are a good idea.
PS: I think you’re right—it can be very very difficult in this near-pornographic society to stay chaste, and you need lots of strength to resist. The fact that it bothers you shows you your conscience is working, Praying.
Best of luck to you in your struggles. Are you able to order material off the internet? You might look at amazon.com, or catholicanswers hosts the Pure Love Club ([/FONT]http://pureloveclub.com/), and they have lots of good reading material there.
My girlfriend and I have had similar struggles, and we’ve spoken with various priests that have given us this advice:
-in the daytime, fresh out of Confession or Mass, or even in Adoration before the Blessed Sacrament, write out a list of rules for your relationship (for example, no being alone after sunset, don’t go to movies without another couple, no kissing below the face), then promise each other–swear to each other–that you won’t break these rules. Each of you, carry a copy of the rules in your wallet or pocket, so that when you are making plans for the evening, you see what you both decided you wouldn’t do.
-spend time apart. Don’t break off the relationship, but find other friends and do things separate from each other. Too often, a dependency forms in one or the other in a couple and you spend every second with each other–and the more time you spend together, the more time the devil has to manipulate you.
Also, I have begun to wear a rosary in my beltloops, tethered around my waist. This is so that if her hands reach too far down, or if, in a bad mindset, I try to “move the conversation downwards”…we will feel the holy beads of the rosary and be reminded of Mary and Jesus and our vow of purity.
Now don’t rush into anything you’re not ready for, but my advice is to get married as soon as you’re both sure of each other. I think marriage is postponed often due to a customary 1 or 2 year wait for engagement, etc. My husband and I met in March 2005, engaged November 2005, and married June 2006. No need to extend the waiting time and prolonging occasion to sin if you are sure she’s the one for you.
I suspect she is the right woman for me, however, I have to finish college (I’ll have a degree on June 2009) and until then there is absolutely no possibility of marriage due to financial and pratical reasons (I study in a different city). I would love to marry her, though.
May seem crazy, but, people can get married and build a life togehter. Marriage is a sacrament, and the vocation of marriage can help you in attaining holiness. A good spouse can help you get to heaven! Marriage is more important than a job or a degree.
My DH and I had a similar struggle with we were courting and engaged. We, faithful, daily Mass-going, frequent Confession-ing Catholics, just kept falling again and again. Finally, one of our confessors “commanded” us to STOP being alone together. At. All. ALL dates/times together were in public places or in groups with friends, no exceptions. We took a LOT of walks. There we many occasions where I would be hanging out with him in his dorm suite with his roommates and other friends, and then all of a sudden they would leave to go do other stuff. So we would look at each other, sigh, and head out for another loooooong walk around campus-- in January. :o Also, he told us to say goodnight and part from each other every night by 8 or 9 pm, no exceptions. These two things, together with continuing to frequent the Sacraments, and tons and tons and tons of GRACE helped us stop all sinful behavior completely.
So, you can do it. You MUST do it, for the good of your soul and that of your beloved. You have my prayers.