Pushng Singles To Marry Hurts


#1

Else where on these forums I have detailed how child abuse against me has placed any sense of faith on the brink. It is as if along with the bad things everyone goes through, being abused suggests at the earliest age you should not have been born.

Well, if you are lucky this doesn’t destroy you. Of course it damages you. In my case I tried being involved. I was engaged. Ultimately I became the guy women talk to but dont don’t want. Two realizations slightly divergent in paths out from me result from my past.

First I suspect I am not suitable to be a father. I will come back to this.

Second I do not want a woman near me if she doesn’t want me, it causes the first thing to be worse. If she needs to listen to someone and it is real code talk for I need priest or a mental health professional, I will be generous a support going to see such people. It is easy for a single person to tell you things either a professional or husband alone should know. I have even experienced the phenomena of trying to hear out married ladies I know only to have a conversation go where it shouldn’t. I say this in that my own emotional hurt has made me vulnerable to fill a void with company and conversation. However, I have seen if it is not able or open to matrimony I do not want any threatening relationship to be close to me.

As for as matrimony, having been a wrecking ball for my father, has broken my spirit. I would never, ever strike or physically inujure a child as he has. However, I fear that I can be quite cruel towards a child. In a very real sense being much worse than my father’s physical abuse. What is insidious about mental abuse is it slips underneath the law. at its worse I am very capable of cruelty. This would be most evident with children. Yet I am also one that is better to go to Mass at a cathedral or monastery with minimal interaction because I tend to treat my fellow man like a “rattlesnake.” Since I know this isn’t right I do what I can and stay away from people. The things that have happened to me cause me to say I do what I can get done. In my case it is to pull away from others. Why say," if only Itry harder I will be a fine parish going fellow shaking hands and possible meeting a lady". No unfortunately it is thank goodness I have made this far with most of this turmoil locked inside instead of doing something foolish.


#2

Wow, I can feel your pain. I’ll pray for you, and, truly, that is the best thing for your situation: prayer. God knows the hurts that you have suffered, and believe me, everything in life (pain/joy) is designed to bring us closer to Him.
I think you are wise to assess your readiness for marriage and you shouldn’t feel rushed. Some people don’t feel ready for marriage until they are in their 50’s and find someone who makes them “rethink” their original reservations. In the meantime, keep praying and seeking God’s wisdom about healing your wounds. You’re definitely in my prayers.
Jess


#3

[quote=MA1965]Why say," if only I try harder I will be a fine parish going fellow shaking hands and possible meeting a lady".
[/quote]

We say foolish things because we don’t understand the holy ground we stand on. Remember the Transfiguration, how Peter suggested that maybe he could construct booths for Jesus, Elijah, and Moses? Peter meant well, of course. Well, here I go myself…

I hope you can find it in you to say to them (and me, for that matter!), “Thank you, I know you mean well, but it is not quite as simple as that.” And then feel quite free to change the subject and ignore them entirely.

As long as you remain open to what God has planned for you, as long as you don’t befriend your fears, you should of course listen to what your heart tells you.

As far as being “the guy women talk to but don’t want”, that has a great deal to do with the women’s wounds, too. Women who choose men who walk on them over men who treat them well either fear that they’d walk on a good man themselves or don’t feel in their heart of hearts that they deserve to be treated well. It is sad for them, but it doesn’t reflect badly on you. You’ve also no doubt heard “I’d rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints… the sinners are much more fun.” Even Heaven gets treated that way, which is only another way of saying that Jesus gets treated that way. Being rejected is the lot of those who dare to love.

My heart goes out to you. You sound like a sensitive, caring man. I hope that one day your wounds will own you less, and that love, in whatever form, finds you and holds you, in this life and in the next.


#4

Dear MA1965:

Single female here. Pushing singles to marry also, is … well, pushy! Some of us are actually CALLED to the single state in life.

Back when I thought maybe I just wasn’t meeting the right decent Catholic guy, I joined a very good, highly respectable Catholic singles website. There I found that there were (and are) in fact, plenty of decent Catholic men out there. It just didn’t seem like any of them were meant for me, and this wasn’t their fault. Turning to prayer looking for answers from the Eucharistic Jesus in the Perpetual Adoration Chapel, it seemed that my destiny was not marriage. So I became inactive on the singles website, let my membership expire, did not renew it … and was at peace with my decision.

Have you prayed about your situation and asked the Lord to lead you, to show you the path He wants you to walk?

God bless you,

~~ the phoenix


closed #5

DISCLAIMER: The views and opinions expressed in these forums do not necessarily reflect those of Catholic Answers. For official apologetics resources please visit www.catholic.com.