I have a brother who is nearly 40, living at home, and owes my folks upwards of $35k in legal fees from a nasty divorce and custody battle that he has turned his rights over in. He is constantly buying my parents wine and chocolates and other gifts they have neither want nor need for rather than just forking over the cash, or better yet, just getting his own place!!! He recently gave me $50 for my son’s savings which I’m honestly contemplating giving to my folks. He is always wanting to buy stuff for me or my son and I am to the point where I am fully prepared to tell him to make an ‘offering’ to mom and dad in my ‘honor.’ I am getting the feeling that all this gift-giving has little to do w/ the wants or need of the recipient, and more to do w/ his need to feel fulfilled as a provider or do-gooder of some sort.
Recently, he and his gf pretty much invited themselves to crash at my home for a night - they live 3 hrs from here. They wanted to treat my husband and I to dinner for our anniversary the weekend before. I never offered my place b/c we literally have no room - we are newlyweds in our first home. So he slept on the floor in the office, she on the floor of the nursery. And neither of them is shy about voicing their disgruntles as much as they pride themselves on being cheery good Catholics. So I got to hear them complain about my hard floors the next morning. Nevermind I’m overly sensitive b/c of my raging hormones during this pregnancy and the fact that I had unwanted houseguests who generally annoy the living daylights out of me.
I didn’t make a continental breakfast b/c I thought they were just going to get up and go in the morning and we were a little strapped anyway, we ended up treating them to dinner. So then I had to hear how disappointed they were b/c they were looking forward to a big bang breakfast! How rude! Not to mention that he brought up that mom ‘suggested’ that he and his gf get a hotel room so they wouldn’t be a burden to us - I had confided in her earlier in the week, but he really should have just kept that to himself, or taken her advice!
That day, my brother’s gf bought a table that she didn’t have room in her car to transport, so I have the privelage of using my lunch hour to go pick it up and house it until they can make arrangements to take it home. I should have never offered to help!!!
The following weekend, I can’t remember how many times my brother drilled me about what my plans were for the weekend and how many times I told him that mom and I were just gonna dawdle and I’d look him up afterwards. Every trip it seems we just kind of hit the same spots or hang around the house. After driving 3 hrs one way w/ a little one and only getting to stay for a couple of days, you have little energy for much else. But he swore that since we had a longer visit this time, that we should really get out and do stuff. That sounds jolly good, but there isn’t much I get excited about doing w/out mom and dad as a buffer between me and my overly-energetic and excitable brother and gf.
He was in my face the minute I got there even tho it was late and perfectly clear that I just wanted to go to bed - he wants to have a pow-wow and plan away every waking second of my visit. He was there when I got up and we got dragged into breakfast, which might have been tolerable, but then his gf showed up. Every 5 minutes I’m getting the 3rd degree about what I want to do next. I’m thinking, breathe in, breathe out, maybe blink a couple of times - would that be alright w/ you? And my brother was stepping on my toes about what I allowed my son to have - such as a spoon or butter knife at the breakfast table. He even went so far as to take it away from my son and put it out of my reach so I couldn’t give it back to him! And then he was constantly trying to tear my son out of my arms and saying things like, ‘let your mom be.’
He offered time and time again to detail my car even thought I kept shooting him down. He even went so far as to make a deal that he’d clean my car if I gave him a pedicure (I am a non-practicing licensed cosmetologist and I have his gf a pedi once for her bday). I just told him that I wasn’t doing anybodys feet this weekend. Our last day there, as I’m waking from a mid-morning nap and getting out of the shower, mom hits me w/ her hair color that we’ve neglected. I oblige her, but then my brother’s gf comes over and asks if I’d have time to do hers too. I told her no, that we’re leaving in a half hour, mom’s hair isn’t done yet, and we still have to eat lunch and pack up.
Good grief!!! How do I shake/deal w/ these people? As long as he lives under my folks’ house, I will not have a moment’s peace just w/ my folks. Possibly I could get my mom to ask him to just ‘be gone’ when I come to visit. Or tell me when he’s gonna be at work for the weekend so I can come for a visit. He and his gf are there every waking and departing moment!!!