[quote="LotusCarsLtd, post:1, topic:180779"]
Again to go with what people suggested to me in my "Nobody...boyfriend" thread:
Someone suggested compiling a list of qualities I want in a wife. I have the following ideas, listed as "personal qualities" and "important qualities for marriage and motherhood" ("PQ" being personality traits, and "IQFMAM" being qualities vital to the success of a Catholic marriage):
-Extroverted and outgoing
Important qualities for marriage and motherhood:
-Devoted to the Faith 110%
-Devoted to motherhood/strong desire to be a holy mom
-Gentle but strict with rules
One particular example (the only one I can think of) is a good friend of mine. I like her as more than just a friend, but in particular for a rather strange reason: because she's going to become the most phenomenal, holy Catholic mother someday and I find that extremely attractive about her. She's absolutely amazing around children and babies and her love for them is unbelievably beautiful and strong. She's the type of woman who, when she's around babies, just wants to pick them up and care for them! :D So that motherly quality is definitely something I want in a wife.
What are your thoughts on how I should go about determining what qualities I want in my wife?
Always smiling? C'mon. That's unrealistic. Mrs. Brady and Mrs. Cleaver couldn't even keep smiling all the time. Real women don't smile constantly.
As for the motherhood traits--that's a tough one and I don't see how you can accurately evaluate this before a woman has had her own children. Both men and women develop their parental skills and style after they have children. Of course you can examine a woman's attitude toward children in general at family gatherings, etc. and I do think this is a good idea.
But a lot of women who show no interest in other people's children are still excellent mothers of their own children. I personally am not enamored of babies and I don't want to pick other people's babies up and care for them (I think most babies look like Winston Churchill), but I was a fantastic mother according to my own daughters, who grew up to be lovely and accomplished young women.
I just don't think it's wise to reject a woman because she's not "motherly" according to your standards.
Here's my suggestion as to how to find a good wife--date her for a long time and do lots of things with her that will reveal the real woman (and the real you). My husband and I dated for six years before we got married (we started dating when we were 16), and we did all kinds of things together.
E.g., any woman can make a good impression at a family get-together with her loving attitude toward all the little children--she can "fake it" for a few hours. A good way to see how you and the lady will be around children is to volunteer for a longer-term project that involves children. E.g., get involved with Vacation Bible school at your parish. Or volunteer at a community center that runs children's activities. Or commit yourselves as a couple to babysitting for young relatives on a weekly basis. (Your relatives will love you.)
Another thing you can do together is take on a project at your parish. E.g., volunteer to run one of the charitable outreaches. My husband and I did all kinds of church work before we got married.
Be sick. Yes, I'm serious. There is nothing like sickness to bring out the best and worst traits in a person. Before we got married, my husband had held my head while I threw up during a bout with Russian flu. And I came over to his house and kept him company after his hernia surgery (he was 18). We got to see the REAL person during these hard times.
Also, do spend a lot of time with the family. Not just a dinner or visit, but a LOT of time. My husband did a lot of farm chores with my dad, and I actually spent the night with my husband's family at quite a few of the family activities and get-togethers.
During a time of dating, often a couple will do their best to "hide" their undesirable traits. E.g., a woman will make herself up to look as beautiful as possible--nothing wrong with that. Or a man will avoid watching football during his dates--again, nothing wrong with that. But after a couple is married, there are plenty of times when a woman simply will not feel like making up. And there will be many times when the man will want to watch football! IMO, the courtship/dating period should be a time when all the "pretending" is gradually stripped away, and the couple learns to know the TRUE person.
E.g., one thing that a lot of couples "hide" very well while they are dating/courting is money issues. They don't let on to the other person that they have problems with spending too much, or perhaps the opposite problem of being too miserly. They don't tell the other person the true state of their finances, or even their true salary, and they certainly don't let it come out that they are terrible managers of money. They borrow to pay for exciting dates that they could never pay for in cash. Or they they claim that they would rather just "stay home and watch TV" when in reality, they would love to go out on the town, but they're broke as usual. Then the couple gets married and the awful truth is revealed, and that's when the fights start. Really, during a courtship, couples should completely reveal their financial situations so that each person can make intelligent, informed decisions about what they can and can't live with.
I hope this is helpful.